Stereotypes

Since we started homeschooling, we have multiple new "normals" to incorporate. A relative was assigned to do a paper about homeschooling, and contacted me for information, even though we are new. Our family is full of teachers who work in public schools and her mother also works in the schools. Her grandmother has no idea what to tell people about me and our decision to homeschool, I hear. When she was given the topic of homeschooling (at a good public school that many in our family have attended), she probably wasn't excited.

I gave her information on our situation and experience, and copied a number of others who are involved in homsechooling, so that they'd get more variety and in-depth feedback from people who are more experienced. The theme that came back from others was the stereotype about homeschoolers. I hadn't mentioned it, but we have been subjected to stereotypes. I'm also guilty of believing stereotypes about homeschoolers. One of the women copied me and ended her comments with "For the record, I do not own a denim jumper or bonnet." I laughed out loud at that one, and then remembered another conversation.

Someone I am very loosely connected with was kind enough to talk with me about her experience homeschooling several children for years after having been a public school teacher. They are connected with a group that has a long waiting list, and I believe it is Christian-themed. She said that homeschoolers weren't what she expected, but that she didn't know if she expected a row of denim jumpers or what. I guess that must be part of the stereotype since I heard it from two unconnected sources. That same lovely woman used a phrase that stuck with me, since I admire it and agree with it. After most of her opinions, she added, "for us." I believe in multiple right answers and finding the right one for your family. Not all homeschoolers believe there is one right answer.

At a medical office waiting room last week, I was confronted with the stereotype. A mother was there with eight children, and the oldest must have been about 11. Every girl was in a denim skirt, including the mother. The youngest were twins, and two of the older children were clearly responsible for the babies. The reading-aged kids had Bibles open on their laps, but were sneaking peeks at Nickelodeon on the TV in the waiting area whenever their mother was looking at her crochet-work - something pink and white that appeared to be for one of the twins. It was clear that television isn't part of their world. They were VERY well-behaved and seemed very sweet. Combined, they were much quieter than one boy who went in before them. However, if there had been bonnets, I would have been looking for cameras, certain that it was staged.

My brother and his family do very little screen time with their kids, which works great for them and I support. When we began homeschooling, we bought and iPad to use mostly for the apps for our daughter. Our daughter has multiple devotionals and her own full NIV Bible that she knows how to look things up with. However, she also watches TV. We started with Baby Einsteins when she was only months old. The thing is, like many highly gifted kids, she is extremely intense and demands constant, focused attention. We simply cannot do that constantly. We are too tired. She has learned a ton from screen time, including geography, aquatics (from her beloved documentaries), math and more. I love my jeans, but my daughter does not like wearing jeans, so getting her into denim happens mostly when she lets me choose a theme for pictures. She's more of a sweats and track pants with a t-shirt kind of girl.

The major stereotypes I hear/notice about giftedness is pride and speed. While there are proud people in every group, there are people who aren't in every group, also. Speed is a tricky one. Our daughter is speeding through school, about to complete her second grade level this "school year" but she reads slowly and carefully. I'm not sure what speed means in terms of learning. Is it number of repetitions, overall completion time or something completely different? I've talked about giftedness stereotypes in other posts here, so I'll move on.

Stereotypes of all kinds are uncomfortable and awkward. They can also cause pain in many cases. Homeschooling and giftedness are no exception. One of the hardest parts of the transition into this new normal for me has been the interpersonal relationships. Some people assume that we aren't interested in being around them anymore, and in most cases that is untrue. Some people who are also gifted have shut us out, and it seems like maybe they didn't want to be that much like us. I thought maybe it was me. Like many people in these groups, fitting in and social stuff has never been my strong suit.

A week or two ago, a mother in our homsechool group sat with me and struck up a conversation, having laughed about a comment I had made in a meeting. She decided to talk with me more about it. I wasn't trying to be funny. Laughing at me (including me laughing at myself) is one of the biggest sources for humor in my life, however. Back to the subject. We drifted into talking about families from our previous lives, both feeling that the environments we had left were good ones. She related a story of her girl's only close friend from that school. Like many of these kids, she had made few really valued friends. That school had been the perfect vision of her daughter's educational life through high school, but like us, they had learned that something different was needed. The mother called and was angry with her on several occasions, trying to talk her into changing her mind. In the end, the woman said that if the girls weren't in the same school, she didn't see the point in them continuing their friendship. Now, they see the family in public regularly, and the mother is silent and the girl isn't allowed to speak to them. This poor gifted girl, on top of being lunged into massive changes, did not understand why she could no longer spend time with her one treasured friend. In the end, she was told, "Her mother said we can't." What a terrible situation . . . so sad.

In a strange way, this was reassuring to me. It proves that I am not the only one. My daughter still asks about a few of the true friends she used to have. While only one of them was overt about the changes, it was hard to tell her that we wouldn't be seeing them anymore. In the situations where they weren't overt, I just tell her that I have asked them to make plans, but haven't heard back. One of the most difficult things is that much of our support structure dissolved when the "problem" was no longer labeled anxiety, and relabeled giftedness. I'm not sure what to do with that. It just seems wrong on many levels.

Thank you to those of you who are reading this and praying for us. If you are, you are supporting us in my opinion. Have a blessed Easter!