Giftedness is scary

"Dan.  I'm worried about him.  It's not right that a 13 year old knows as much as he does." ~ Amy Cahill . . . .  "I hear you.  Atticus already knows more than I will in my entire life.  It's scary.  On the one hand, he's a little kid [11 years old].  On the other hand, he's a supercomputer with two legs." ~ Jake Rosenbloom
~ Shatterproof by Roland Smith - Cahills Vs Vespers Book 4

Giftedness is scary.  I have yet to meet a parent going through this adventure who is surprised to hear me say this.  Enthusiastic agreement is the usual response, actually.  I think the above exchange captures it, even though parents are not involved and it is fiction.

The truth it, I wish M did not know so much.  Some of the amazing volume of information is simply fascinating.  However, some of it requires her to wonder about information that she would not otherwise encounter at her age.  Unfortunately, this has not changed, and I don't anticipate it ending until her adulthood, if then.

Not only does she have a lot of information, she has an amazing imagination.  This sounds like a wonderful thing.  However, it's a mixed bag.  Yes, she imagines wonderful, entertaining, fascinating and valuable things.  She also worries about things that her same-age peers would not be contemplating for lack of awareness.  She experiences the scary side of giftedness.  She has the intellectual capacity to understand information far beyond her emotional ability to process information.

Just last week, M told me, "I used to have nightmares every night.  It's been a while since I've had one."  While I was relieved to hear that she is sleeping soundly, as she emotionally matures, I was also sad for my baby girl.  She went through YEARS of nightmares every night.

She's always been fascinated with biology.  Because of that, she has had intimations of diseases and dysfunctions that are often unimportant but can be quite serious.  She had the intellect to extrapolate and understand the potential dangers.  However, she did not have the emotional maturity or the life experience to temper her fears.  She still will not look at the anti-piracy warnings at the beginning of DVDs.  This began years ago, and she was worried that she might accidentally get into big trouble, since she was not sure how piracy might happen.  For months, she left the room whenever a movie was started.  That is the effect of some of the asynchronous development of these children.

Like Jake Rosenbloom. I am intimidated at having responsibility for a child with so much information.  I have been accused by many, including a children's pastor, of pushing her too hard.  I regret to admit that I was guilty of the same kind of impressions of others before learning how much I still had to learn.  The truth is, I am being dragged behind this speeding supercomputer on two legs, trying to keep it together.  Stopping is not a healthy option.  All I can do is my best to facilitate her journey.

Most parents are concerned with the emotional development of their children.  With the asynchronous child, it is more complicated.  There are countless books of advice and research on raising children, considering their emotional needs.  A very small percentage of these address the asynchronous child.  Many parents joke that they need an owner's manual for their child, but the grain of truth is there, since the books sell so well.  There is less support and information available for these atypical children.

I often say that I am the dumb one in our family.  It's mostly a joke.  However, there is evidence that intelligence range is largely hereditary.  As a woman who believes in Scripture, I believe that God gave us the perfect child for us, and gave M the perfect parents for her.  I often think He overestimates me.  It's scary.

A psychiatrist told me a story from his recent vacation.  They were in a cutesy souvenir shop and saw a decorative sign that said, "It's all about family."  His companion was also a psychiatrist, and they shared a joke about how they interpreted that statement, but they believe it.

It's a serious responsibility.  I do not take it lightly, and that makes it scary, whether or not I feel like my daughter is smarter than I'll ever be.  That impression changes hour by hour, in case you were curious. . .

My daughter will have scars from her parents.  Her parents have scars from their parents.  The pattern continues indefinitely.  We admit to her that we make mistakes, and we hope that we will do our best and always work with her.  Our constant effort is to gather the best information available, use the resources we can find, and make the best choices we can.  When something doesn't work, we adjust.  When something works, we exhale, and hope it keeps working for a while.

Giftedness is stereotypically associated pride and arrogance.  I would argue that terror is as common.  Wishing you many nights of deep, calm sleep - free of nightmares.

Night at the Museum - we are not mainstream, but we have lots of fun!!!!

Over the holiday break, I was watching Night at the Museum, and M walked by it.  She is getting old enough to watch those, but still prefers animated movies, in general.  She asked if it was an adult movie, and I said she could watch it, but watching from the beginning would be better.

She had a hard time tearing herself away, but we agree to watch it from the beginning later, after some father-daughter wrestling time, which is extremely silly & completely cherished.

We made the movie a family affair, and she had a lot of fun watching the animals, which I could have predicted.  However, there were reactions that I did not anticipate from her.

Theodore Roosevelt explains who he was as president, and she seemed impassive.  Sacajawea, I thought would get her attention.  She was completely unaware of Lewis & Clark as well as Sacajawea.  I paused the movie and explained briefly.

This made me realize that while our sequential approach to history will help her have a better grasp of the overall timeline & progressions, it leads to her being unaware of the United States quite a bit longer.  After all, in the scheme of human history, it is quite a young nation.

The miniatures scene got M very excited.  "Octavius?!  As in, Emperor Octavius?  I'm so excited to see real Romans fighting!" This caught me a bit off guard.  Yes, I knew she loved the Roman history, but I was still surprised at her reaction to the laughable and entertaining character in the movie.

As I was processing that, she burst out with, "Attila the Hun?!  YES!!!!!!!!!" jumping up and down.  Her father & I were shooting private looks at each other, realizing just how confusing it was to learn history jumping around, and marveling at how different her experience is from the typical school child's.

We are continuing the sequential history approach of Biblioplan curriculum, and still believe in its efficacy for M, at least.  I wish I had learned that way.  She is learning about so many facets of life in the different times, as well as how the changes affected various groups.  We are using novels set in those times, as well, so she really immerses herself in that time, and she is writing essays and letters as if she were living through the experiences.  She likes it, and so she soaks it up.  Fun makes effective learning, after all.

In the meantime, the standardized tests will continue to indicate that she has very little political science understanding for her age.  I laugh and disagree.  She may be unaware of the parts they are teaching her same-aged counterparts in the schools, but I maintain that her understanding is stronger, and that she knows a great deal about political science.  In fact, she can carry on an intelligent conversation with a teacher who specializes Medieval and Middle Ages history and point out facts that I was not aware of until those conversations occurs.  To further stretch my abilities to parent, her observation in that particular conversation has political, military & theological significance.  Yikes!  I am not pushing her.  I am getting dragged along behind her, while trying to maintain my footing!

What is my point?  Well, we were reminded that we are not mainstream.  I am okay with that.

No.  I am more than okay with that.  I am excited that M is learning deeply and having fun simultaneously.  I am glad she is learning history sequentially and knows that the US is a very small part of the timeline.  I am glad that she doesn't learn history from a self-importance slant, as I believe most countries teach it in their schools, including the US.

I cannot help but smile as I watch her in her different ways.  Neither can her father.  We are not mainstream.  We are happy.  I wonder if mainstream people are generally happy . . .  I delight in things different . . .   Happy New Year.  As Amy Adams as Amelia says at the end of Battle of the Smithsonian (the sequel to Night at the Museum), "Have fun."