Question Everything - How many right answers are there?

An older movie with Meg Ryan playing the niece of Einstein, she is trying to wrap her mind around a concept, and reminds herself to question everything.  I love this concept when I'm feeling stuck, it enables me to back up much like Roxanne Richie does in Megamind.  We can then see things a completely different way - clarity is sometimes better at a distance.

This was recommended & I love it - a great and inspiring post for anyone who has been going through the motions and taking things for granted. . . . this is most people, I fear . . .  

http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/06/26/everything-new/

My daughter does this.  It is the way her mind works, and she is constantly fascinated and absorbed.  As a mother, this is extremely frustrating.  While I see the value in doing this when it is appropriate, sometimes you need to see the door in front of you and open it, rather than admire the writing on every item you pass.  How do I find a balance on this myself and pass it on to my daughter?  I do not want her to lose her sense of wonder, and she inspires me in so many ways.  However, remembering to eat is good.  Does that sound extreme?  Seriously, we have to remind her to eat.  I'm no better.   When I get wrapped up in something, I realize I need to eat when the headache becomes unbearable.  

So, yes, we need to question everything and see things from a new perspective, but I think many gifted individuals take this to an extreme that makes life difficult.  I often remember the far side cartoon about the gifted school where the door says either pull and the student is trying desperately to push it open.  Yes, it's funny.  I think it's also pretty true. An inspiring mother of a 2e individual was telling me how many people assume only one way to interpret things, but gifted minds see more correct options.  She used an example of doorways.  At a public place, a door said exit, and it meant don't go through this way in that situation.  However, her daughter was trying to exit the room she was in, read exit, and proceeded toward the door.  She wasn't incorrect in her interpreatation, even though it was an ineffective interpretation in that particular situation.  In a way, B was telling me that gifted minds are more creative - that they see mroe possibilities in each situation.  That reminds me of the blog post linked, as well.

I'm not sure what my point is on this, but the connections interested me, and I wanted to share them.  Please share you thoughts, examples, or musings on it.  Do you have an amusing story to share that links with these things?  Life is fascinating . . .

Is giftedness genetic? Is neurology (and neurological anomoly) hereditary?

When we first had M assessed for giftedness and personality style, we were told that there is a genetic pre-determined range for IQ.  This makes sense to me, but my husband and I each pointed to the other one as the responsible parent for this.  The expert in question told us that statistically people marry within 5 IQ points of their own, as well, making it even more hereditary.  She cited studies on kids who were adopted, and believes they indicate that environment affects individual aptitudes, but when that environment is left behind (graduation, for example), individuals tend to drift right back into that genetic range.

I have not done a lot of scientific studies.  There are plenty of them out there, of course.  I have read some of them, but my style is a bit different.  Part of the reason I started this blog is that when we entered this world of awareness of giftedness and related topics, I found an abundance of scholarly, intellectual material available, but very little emotional commentary on it.  As our greatest injuries around the topic of giftedness have come from other families with highly gifted individuals present, I decided to put a blog out there, and at least be able to record my emotional journey, in case it was helpful to another parent starting a similar journey & feeling as out of place and confused as I did.  Here's the message I want people to hear.  You are not alone.  You do not need to have the answers.  Your children will be fine.  You will make mistakes.  Your children will still be fine.

Along those lines, I am inclined to believe that giftedness is hereditary, even though I've seen many who are recognizing one child as highly gifted and a biological sibling to that child who is considered neuro-typical.  Is this possible?  Probably.  Like I said, I'm not a scientist.  However, I think there is a lot more to people than we understand, and there may be a separate factor involved that makes the kids seem different, yet they may still both be gifted.

Here's a very recent example that has encouraged this idea in my mind.  I shared recently that M was presenting one vision abnormality, so we had her assessed and found multiple abnormalities in her vision.  Throughout that process, they asked if there was any family history of it.  We repeatedly said no.  One grandmother told us a bit later that she had done eye exercises as a child.  Huh?  That's both an argument for and against the genetic predisposition of neurology, possibly ;).  Today, I learned that the grandfather on the other side also had similar eye exercises as a child and now relies on one eye almost completely.  Neither my husband or I had any idea about these things, and it might have been helpful to know.

Both grandparents were under the impression that their eye issues were muscular in nature.  I'm sure the doctors believed that, as well.  More recent research indicates that it's the neurological controls of vision that creates the dysfunctions in vision.  That's another generational difference.  Specialists in their 40s now did not have the benefit of the same treatments when they were growing up.  Both of the grandparents had forgotten large parts of the treatment, as they were done as children, so further erosion of information within the family.  I just think it's interesting to think about.  Our brains are fascinating things.  I studied some very specific neurological approaches to things as the result of a previous job, but am hearing now that similar treatments and approaches are being used to treat a variety of challenges in children (and adults).

There's another thing I wonder in all of this.  Why is it so easy for people to consider hereditary disposition for neurological diseases, like MS, but deny the hereditary disposition for neurological differences like giftedness?  Maybe it's the same false assumptions and competitive/defensive reactions in people around the concept of "smart."

Hope you're having a lovely summer day, and having an intellectual banquet that is to your taste.

Giftedness and Graduations

It's that season again - graduation parties!!  We were invited to four this year, and attended one last night.  The girl who graduated is exceptional and I know her well enough to speak to that on a number of levels and topics.  She had a huge turnout for the party, as she is delightful, involved and friendly.  She had a typical-enough high school classroom experience, and is glowing as she heads on to a somewhat typical college experience.

In between exchanging hugs with people I hadn't seen in weeks, months or years, I had this surreal experience of seeing things from a distance.  My daughter was with me, but we will never have a party like that for her.  In the midst of knowing the parents involved, the release from the work is a relief, I admit.  The mother of the grad saw my expression while contemplating this, and I admitted that M will never have a graduation party.  She looked confused, but recovered.  With a twinkle in her eye, the mother said I was thinking pretty far ahead.  She meant in lovingly, but she doesn't understand our situation.  The grad, knowing more of our situation, smiled and I could tell she understood and was choosing not to make a big deal of it.

I ran across an extreme example on facebook today.
http://www.oregonlive.com/education/index.ssf/2013/06/in_college_at_12_off_to_start.html

So many things go through my mind as I try to process this story.  I am so thrilled for the girl, who has the ability and opportunity to deeply nourish an area of fascination.  So many exceptional people are less lucky.  I am sure it has been uncomfortable for her, but am impressed that she has seemed to adapt so early in life to her differences.  Again, many exceptional people are less lucky.  I also hope that my daughter proves to be a less exceptional example.  Contrary to what many people think, giftedness is a burden often enough that I didn't wish for it in my daughter.

Then, I think about the mother, trying to relate.  I hope that M grows up to be a less extreme example than this girl.  I remember realizing we were going to have an issue, and laughed because it sounds like this mother phrased it similarly to how I experienced it.  I remember thinking M was just enjoying fun visual stimulus.  We tried to follow the parenting advice of minimal screentime, and avoided computers longer than many, but we did employ educational DVDs early, mostly out of desperation.

Baby Einstein videos were the first because we received a set as a baby gift before her birth, so they were available at the moment of desperation.  Plagued with guilt, I started one when M was a few months old.  She was calmed and fascinated by it, and it looked like she was learning.  I decided that I was trying to assuage my guilt by thinking that way.  I also decided that a sane mother was good for my daughter, and continued to play them for her.

Baby Monet is the only one I remember well.  There are adorable zebra puppet scenes.  One gets sunburned, and (spoiler alert!) the other cakes the first sunscreen.  This is followed by zebra #1 making sheep noises, looking very much like a sheep from the thick white sunscreen.  M laughed like crazy about that.  I remember stopping my business in the kitchen, then shaking my head and thinking, "no way!"  Her age was still measured in months, and there was no way she understood the joke.  Right?  She was too young to remember it, so it will be on my list of things to ask in Heaven.

Some milestonse may not get celebrated traditionally, and that's all right.  We will celebrate her.  For first grade being completed, we invited the grandparents to a lunch and visited a local amusement park.  We also had professional photos taken, since she doesn't automatically get school photos.  M did not mind that going differently than other kids.  Second grade very quickly followed, and she was satisfied with pizza, a DVD and ice cream with her parents for that occasion.  I picture us parents collapsed on the couch that evening, and am pretty sure it's an accurate memory - second grade took a few weeks for her to complete.  We have stopped celebrating the end of each grade, as a result.  I will continue to try and find ways to celebrate in a meaningful way, if not a traditional one.

She has started to become more socially aware.  For a while, that seemed to not be on her radar.  It was a phase, because she was social before and is becoming more social again.  I wonder if she was so starved for learning that other things ceased to matter for a time.  I hope that her increasing social interest means we are feeding her intellect adequately.  School is still not tempting to her, but homeschool classes, museum class, summer school classes, etc . . .  all of that is exciting to her, as much as kid birthday parties, honestly . . .  It will be interesting to navigate.

If you are among those celebrating a graduation of any kind this Spring, I congratulate you . . .  at any age, young, average, or old!

P.S.  A wise friend asked me why we wouldn't be having a graduation for M.  I'm sure that friend will have one, regardless of the age at graduation because that's how she is.  I will attend if I'm invited, and am not trying to make decisions for anyone, nor judge their decisions that differ from ours.

Envy, snobbery, etc.

This is a topic few talk about regarding giftedness.

I am guilty of envy.  I am envious that my daughter feels insecure (almost as much as I do) about celebrating her milestones.  Virtually every parent celebrates milestones like first steps, talking, riding a bike, starting school, graduation, etc.  However, when your child does anything at a time considered "abnormal" (as if normal exists  . . .  I'm not convinced), some people make a big deal and false assumptions about the people celebrating them.  This is also related to delayed development of any kid, as well as those kids who experience both delays and acceleration, depending on the area.  I think this does a decent job of being neutral in tone about the topic.  It's a hard one.

http://microscopesareprudent.wordpress.com/

Is giftedness bad for your health?

I realize this seems like as ludicrous a question as my blog title, but actually . . . it can be, apparently.

M went for an assessment for vision therapy, following a noticing in a routine eye exam.  It started as "this can be perfectly normal at her age," then became "we'd like to see it minimized, so try this at home for a couple of months, and finally was, "I think you should consult a therapy specialist.  Of course, we did.  There were some symptoms of the issue, but we really would not have noticed if not for the doctor.

When we went in for the results, my husband got uncharateristically quiet.  He stayed that way for a long time.  This was before the payment information was revealed, even.  I found myself feeling a sinking sensation in my chest as the therapist explained the sheet to us.  As I glanced over it, one thing was perfectly clear.  Her vision is far from normal.  Let me stall any fear by stating that it is all believed to be fully treatable, and in less time than I would have expected.

In gifted circles, you hear neuro-typical and similar terms frequently, but it has far-reaching implications.  Neuro-typical can apply to all sorts of things beyond intelligence.  I'm not a doctor and won't pretend to understand all of the consequences, but I do understand that anything the brain controls is neuro-something.  Vision is no different.  From the second mention of vision concerns, it was made clear that this is a brain issue, rather than a muscle issue.

You're probably wondering when I'll get to my point.  Here it is.  With the results we were given, most kids would be in remedial reading classes, failing math, or other similar things.  That's one of the ways that kids are noticed by people suggesting vision therapy.  M does not show one of those symptoms.  The therapy specialist said that it's only because of her extreme intelligence that she was able to read at all . . . and boy does she read!!!!  She reads well and a lot!  The specialists were amazed and talked about how hard she is working to visually do all that she is doing.  Wow.

Of course, they excitedly went on to say that she would become a neurospecialist someday and that after therapy everything will be easier for her.  Yikes!  Seriously, this mom reacts to quicker progress with yikes, and I am not ashamed to admit it!  As for the neurospecialist, she told the doctor she likes animals.  The doctor said she could be a vet.  M said, "I thought so for a while, but now I don't.  I think I want to work at PetCo."  So, the doctor looked at me astonished, and I just said, "I think it would be fun & I think she'd be good at it."  So, that flung us back into the more familiar realm of my weirdness of life.

So many of the things that we saw as idiosynchrosies of a highly gifted child could be symptoms of vision dysfunctions (yes, the plural is intentional).  Because of how quickly she progresses in learning, we may not have noticed had she not needed glasses, etc.  I have many curiosities about the changes to come.  One of them is the emphasis of vision on IQ tests.  I don't believe every child, gifted or not, needs an IQ test, but M had one in the course of our adventure, then was asked to be in a normative study for another, and now will be participating in a third test as part of normative testing.  I wonder if/how things would/will show up differently if she is invited to be part of another normative test.  Disclaimer: most normative testing does not allow you to see your results, but we got lucky and are allowed to receive unofficial results, which is just interesting to compare with other things.  M likes it because they pay her (and she spends it at Petco :)).