Redoing Priorities

This week has been crazier than most.  It makes me more convinced than ever that this new information about M is a much-needed opportunity to reassess our choices in many areas.  As new seasons begin, it is very easy for me to add things without removing anything.  This causes chaos and stress, vows to change, and then regret that I didn't follow through with the last vow to change.  I'm there again. . . .  sigh.

There are so many wonderful people in our life that love us and care about us.  The result is that they want to help, which is really wonderful and warn of them.  Have you ever noticed that in yourself?  What is most difficult for me are the times that I want to help, but know that I cannot.  Sadly, while we are still learning about our daughter, or re-learning, we are not in a great position to know what might help.  Many are giving us ideas with wonderfully loving intentions, yet I am overwhelmed with possibilities and most of them must be sifted out.  The situation frustrates me, so I am trying not to let this be misinterpreted as the people frustrating me.  Honestly, there are a couple of people who are frustrating me, but not most of them ;)

We have received recommendations for many different schools that have had wonderful results in other children, and I am thrilled that has gone well for them.  I can think of examples from my own life where I have seen miraculous changes that simply would go differently for our daughter.  This leaves me very tired.  Worse, I'm losing the resaources required to even look into many of them.  I intend no disrespect, but cannot manage the amount of information that I must look into, let alone some that might be helpful . . . at least for now.  It reminds me of a recent conversation in the car with M, actually.  She is better than I am, thankfully.  I shall aspire to be more like her.

after much repetitive conversation:
"I really need you to stop talking about that.  I'm feeling pushed." ~me
a tense silence
"Mom?  I'm going to thank you for something.  Mom, thank you for telling me all about ______ and how it will mean [less work for me].  I really appreciate you telling me about that even though it was overwhelming me."

Such a sweet girl.  If you are one of the people who has been desiring deeply to help reduce my overwhelm, I hope you can know that I appreciate your intention, even if I don't have the resources to respond how I would like to, ideally.  I have a lot to learn from my daughter.  Homeschooling is the best option for us right now.  I am going to do my best to take things a step at a time.  This summer is planned, largely with learning camps for M.  I will have time sitting and waiting, but I don't mind.  I will spend that time reviewing curriculum ideas that I have gathered for next year and trying to be better prepared in the Fall.  I also picked up some things for knitting projects that I can work on while I wait, and I'm sure that iTunes will be getting plenty of my recreational spending, since audio books are a favorite pasttime of mine - especially while my hands are busy crafting :)

In the meantime, I've decided to take some time off work for part of the summer, since I'm habitually exhausted, and I need to change that.  We have also been talking about moving to a smaller house closer to the places we are driving so frequently.  Moving sounds like an awful lot of work, but the end result sounds easier, so we're still talking about it.  If we do move, I'll have lots of ideas of what people can do to help! :)