This week has been crazier than most. It makes me more convinced than ever that this new information about M is a much-needed opportunity to reassess our choices in many areas. As new seasons begin, it is very easy for me to add things without removing anything. This causes chaos and stress, vows to change, and then regret that I didn't follow through with the last vow to change. I'm there again. . . . sigh.
There are so many wonderful people in our life that love us and care about us. The result is that they want to help, which is really wonderful and warn of them. Have you ever noticed that in yourself? What is most difficult for me are the times that I want to help, but know that I cannot. Sadly, while we are still learning about our daughter, or re-learning, we are not in a great position to know what might help. Many are giving us ideas with wonderfully loving intentions, yet I am overwhelmed with possibilities and most of them must be sifted out. The situation frustrates me, so I am trying not to let this be misinterpreted as the people frustrating me. Honestly, there are a couple of people who are frustrating me, but not most of them ;)
We have received recommendations for many different schools that have had wonderful results in other children, and I am thrilled that has gone well for them. I can think of examples from my own life where I have seen miraculous changes that simply would go differently for our daughter. This leaves me very tired. Worse, I'm losing the resaources required to even look into many of them. I intend no disrespect, but cannot manage the amount of information that I must look into, let alone some that might be helpful . . . at least for now. It reminds me of a recent conversation in the car with M, actually. She is better than I am, thankfully. I shall aspire to be more like her.
after much repetitive conversation:
"I really need you to stop talking about that. I'm feeling pushed." ~me
a tense silence
"Mom? I'm going to thank you for something. Mom, thank you for telling me all about ______ and how it will mean [less work for me]. I really appreciate you telling me about that even though it was overwhelming me."
Such a sweet girl. If you are one of the people who has been desiring deeply to help reduce my overwhelm, I hope you can know that I appreciate your intention, even if I don't have the resources to respond how I would like to, ideally. I have a lot to learn from my daughter. Homeschooling is the best option for us right now. I am going to do my best to take things a step at a time. This summer is planned, largely with learning camps for M. I will have time sitting and waiting, but I don't mind. I will spend that time reviewing curriculum ideas that I have gathered for next year and trying to be better prepared in the Fall. I also picked up some things for knitting projects that I can work on while I wait, and I'm sure that iTunes will be getting plenty of my recreational spending, since audio books are a favorite pasttime of mine - especially while my hands are busy crafting :)
In the meantime, I've decided to take some time off work for part of the summer, since I'm habitually exhausted, and I need to change that. We have also been talking about moving to a smaller house closer to the places we are driving so frequently. Moving sounds like an awful lot of work, but the end result sounds easier, so we're still talking about it. If we do move, I'll have lots of ideas of what people can do to help! :)
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
What grade are you in?
Today, I made it back to church for the first time in months. I am blessed to be a part of a fabulous church. I am also blessed to be in relationships with many Christians outside of the walls of that church, as well. Since this school year has been incredibly overwhelming for me, I simply took Sunday mornings to myself, in an attempt to spend some solitude with worship music and quiet, and sometimes just stay in bed. These are all things that weren't happening other times.
A few people have challenged how long I have been away from the services, including ministers, church members, friends outside the church and my husband. I'll admit that I have been angry with God, and since the Psalms are full of King David being honest about his less attractive, not-at-all-flowery feelings, I believe that God is OK with that. I will not claim to be perfect, since that would contradict being human, and because I'm not quite that proud . . . However, while I have been absent from church, I have not shut out my faith or God.
My daughter finished another grade since the last time she had been to church. She has been going with my husband regularly, but Sunday school has been a confusing place in silly ways. See one of my previous posts about how my husband didn't answer the teacher when asked what grade she was in (so they knew where to seat her), but it has not been crystal clear for our daughter in other ways. The spiritual teaching and Scripture has been very comfortable for her, so it makes me laugh that we have drama about which class she should be attending. It seems like we sweat the small stuff so much more than the big stuff.
While she is aware of which grade she is in (because this is very important to her), one of her cousins challenged her only the day before. This cousin's parents have been wonderful about the situation. However, these kids are the same age, and the idea that some homeschooled kids change grades at different times was something that hadn't been explored. First, I was told that my daughter said she's in ___ grade, then the other mother was consulted with an expression of disbelief on the face of her child. It was explained, but my daughter felt self-conscious. We are still new to this, and it's natural to feel less-than-confident.
At Sunday school, she rushed back out on the verge of tears, asking where she should go for class. A wonderful teacher came out to coax her inside. I told the teacher that she had exciting news and some confusion to share. From there, it went very well. They celebrated her accomplishment and encouraged her to go sit with the friends she had been sitting with all school year, saying she could switch to a different group in the Fall if she wants to. We will continue to have many situations that are just more complicated for us than other people because of our less-common approach to education, even though it is the most effective one for us. I am thankful that our church has multi-age rooms for Sunday school. The grades she is likely to complete next school year are all in the same room, which makes things less complicated.
Yes, I did mean to include the plural above. I felt judged by some today, as I felt seen as a pushy mom. These people are loving and supportive. They are not perfect, and neither am I. However, it was one more place that has mixed comfort levels in dealing with all of this. Our daughter also begged to take a class for first communion two years earlier than recommended. The church staff was wonderfully supportive and our daughter took it in. I am surprised and inspired by her approach to faith.
I hesitate to even include this, as I am sure I will be judged. Most likely, our daughter will finish 3 more grades by next Spring. The defensive part of me feels the need to explain that her choice of fun includes math, geography, and every kind of science. She is quite advanced in science, I'm learning. This is the biggest proof that the acceleration is not about me. I love literature, languages, math, the arts and more. Science is not my thing. I did well in science classes, but chose to discontinue studying it as soon as possible. My daughter cannot get enough science. I am not pushing her. However, if I hold her back, she will shut down and have serious side-effects. Yet, I'm seen as a bad mother if I'm honest and open about it with people. One well-meaning woman told me today, "you need to slow down." I sincerely wish I could. My daughter, however, will not.
One ministry couple at church today is a fabulous example of the comfort and support. I have received gentle private messages on facebook from the husband, asking how I'm doing. There was no sense of being guilted about being conspicuously absent. I am so grateful for that. I was open about what I'm going through - they have the link to this blog, and more information besides. The wife is the most breathtaking woman I have ever seen - I totally want her hair and her aura/presence. Today, she gently asked how I am, gave me big hugs, listened intently, encouraged me and reassured me in my decisions and actions - again, no guilt or pressure. I am in tears just typing this - it's amazing to be loved like that. Isn't that how church and Christ's love should be? I'll have to think about why I didn't anticipate it . . . For now, I'm resting in gratitude and support.
Other ministers there have been equally wonderful. One met my husband for lunch and has been checking in with him pretty regularly. He was also a powerful reassuring presence in my life when it all started to get overwhelming. He just gets it. Yet another minister had the perfect story to tell our daughter today, from her own life, but directly related to what is going on in our home. She is one of the most powerful transmitters of God's presence I have met. She's a modern day prophet who might not even see herself as that. I have experienced this with her on multiple occasions. It's almost scary. Ok, sometimes it is scary.
While it was wonderful to return, it was disappointing to see how the changes in our lives have affected this facet of our lives, as well. There is a huge part of our life that some people cannot wrap their heads around. I was one of them only months ago, but it's still disappointing to see. It just makes it a bit more uncomfortable, and I have enough trouble sitting down and experiencing God, rather than working on my to do list, without even more things to digest and process. . . Maybe a subconscious reason I was putting off the return to services was facing this fact. It's one of the reasons the support from the gorgeous woman is so precious to me. It felt unconditional, and sometimes it's hard to comprehend that in this world. All of these changes have made me feel that much more judged and less accepted, and I feel like a starving person entering a dinner party when I'm in the midst of someone who simply desires to support me exactly where I am. As I broke down in front of this woman ane her husband, what came out of my mouth was, "I sobbed for days when we found out. All I ever wanted was for her to feel normal. This is how she feels normal, though." It still feels abnormal to me. Did I spend my whole life trying to fit some definition of normal that doesn't really fit? At the moment, I'm more concerned with making sure my daughter feels normal, and comfortable with who she is - especially the ways that God made her special.
A recent favorite song is "Jesus, Friend of Sinners" by Casting Crowns. The overall message is summed up in this line, "Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours." I'm certain that God is using this experience to help me glimpse His heart. My precious daughter is the focus of all of these changes and I work so hard to insulate her from the negative and potentially scarring parts. I need to remember that I am also a precious daughter to the King, and that He is hurting for me as my parent . . . and the Father of my daughter, as well . . . Perhaps "the world is on their way to you, but they're tripping over me. I'm always looking down, but never looking up. I'm so double-minded." [from the same song]. This experience is certainly opening my eyes in many ways. I'm terrified about what He might have in mind for me to do with this experience. However, if I can help others, I will try to do it without tripping anyone too badly. . .
One of my daughter's memory verses came out "In this world you will have trouble, but fear not because He wins!" I love her tranlsation. She asked what "overcoming the world" meant, and then summed it up like that . . . years ago, yet it feels like last week. This would be a good time to insert "Fight Another Day" by Addison Road. When I just want to crawl back in bed, that song gets me up and moving . . . dancing, actually. May God Bless your day and all of your interactions today. Lord, please help me be more like the gorgeous woman that filled me up today.
A few people have challenged how long I have been away from the services, including ministers, church members, friends outside the church and my husband. I'll admit that I have been angry with God, and since the Psalms are full of King David being honest about his less attractive, not-at-all-flowery feelings, I believe that God is OK with that. I will not claim to be perfect, since that would contradict being human, and because I'm not quite that proud . . . However, while I have been absent from church, I have not shut out my faith or God.
My daughter finished another grade since the last time she had been to church. She has been going with my husband regularly, but Sunday school has been a confusing place in silly ways. See one of my previous posts about how my husband didn't answer the teacher when asked what grade she was in (so they knew where to seat her), but it has not been crystal clear for our daughter in other ways. The spiritual teaching and Scripture has been very comfortable for her, so it makes me laugh that we have drama about which class she should be attending. It seems like we sweat the small stuff so much more than the big stuff.
While she is aware of which grade she is in (because this is very important to her), one of her cousins challenged her only the day before. This cousin's parents have been wonderful about the situation. However, these kids are the same age, and the idea that some homeschooled kids change grades at different times was something that hadn't been explored. First, I was told that my daughter said she's in ___ grade, then the other mother was consulted with an expression of disbelief on the face of her child. It was explained, but my daughter felt self-conscious. We are still new to this, and it's natural to feel less-than-confident.
At Sunday school, she rushed back out on the verge of tears, asking where she should go for class. A wonderful teacher came out to coax her inside. I told the teacher that she had exciting news and some confusion to share. From there, it went very well. They celebrated her accomplishment and encouraged her to go sit with the friends she had been sitting with all school year, saying she could switch to a different group in the Fall if she wants to. We will continue to have many situations that are just more complicated for us than other people because of our less-common approach to education, even though it is the most effective one for us. I am thankful that our church has multi-age rooms for Sunday school. The grades she is likely to complete next school year are all in the same room, which makes things less complicated.
Yes, I did mean to include the plural above. I felt judged by some today, as I felt seen as a pushy mom. These people are loving and supportive. They are not perfect, and neither am I. However, it was one more place that has mixed comfort levels in dealing with all of this. Our daughter also begged to take a class for first communion two years earlier than recommended. The church staff was wonderfully supportive and our daughter took it in. I am surprised and inspired by her approach to faith.
I hesitate to even include this, as I am sure I will be judged. Most likely, our daughter will finish 3 more grades by next Spring. The defensive part of me feels the need to explain that her choice of fun includes math, geography, and every kind of science. She is quite advanced in science, I'm learning. This is the biggest proof that the acceleration is not about me. I love literature, languages, math, the arts and more. Science is not my thing. I did well in science classes, but chose to discontinue studying it as soon as possible. My daughter cannot get enough science. I am not pushing her. However, if I hold her back, she will shut down and have serious side-effects. Yet, I'm seen as a bad mother if I'm honest and open about it with people. One well-meaning woman told me today, "you need to slow down." I sincerely wish I could. My daughter, however, will not.
One ministry couple at church today is a fabulous example of the comfort and support. I have received gentle private messages on facebook from the husband, asking how I'm doing. There was no sense of being guilted about being conspicuously absent. I am so grateful for that. I was open about what I'm going through - they have the link to this blog, and more information besides. The wife is the most breathtaking woman I have ever seen - I totally want her hair and her aura/presence. Today, she gently asked how I am, gave me big hugs, listened intently, encouraged me and reassured me in my decisions and actions - again, no guilt or pressure. I am in tears just typing this - it's amazing to be loved like that. Isn't that how church and Christ's love should be? I'll have to think about why I didn't anticipate it . . . For now, I'm resting in gratitude and support.
Other ministers there have been equally wonderful. One met my husband for lunch and has been checking in with him pretty regularly. He was also a powerful reassuring presence in my life when it all started to get overwhelming. He just gets it. Yet another minister had the perfect story to tell our daughter today, from her own life, but directly related to what is going on in our home. She is one of the most powerful transmitters of God's presence I have met. She's a modern day prophet who might not even see herself as that. I have experienced this with her on multiple occasions. It's almost scary. Ok, sometimes it is scary.
While it was wonderful to return, it was disappointing to see how the changes in our lives have affected this facet of our lives, as well. There is a huge part of our life that some people cannot wrap their heads around. I was one of them only months ago, but it's still disappointing to see. It just makes it a bit more uncomfortable, and I have enough trouble sitting down and experiencing God, rather than working on my to do list, without even more things to digest and process. . . Maybe a subconscious reason I was putting off the return to services was facing this fact. It's one of the reasons the support from the gorgeous woman is so precious to me. It felt unconditional, and sometimes it's hard to comprehend that in this world. All of these changes have made me feel that much more judged and less accepted, and I feel like a starving person entering a dinner party when I'm in the midst of someone who simply desires to support me exactly where I am. As I broke down in front of this woman ane her husband, what came out of my mouth was, "I sobbed for days when we found out. All I ever wanted was for her to feel normal. This is how she feels normal, though." It still feels abnormal to me. Did I spend my whole life trying to fit some definition of normal that doesn't really fit? At the moment, I'm more concerned with making sure my daughter feels normal, and comfortable with who she is - especially the ways that God made her special.
A recent favorite song is "Jesus, Friend of Sinners" by Casting Crowns. The overall message is summed up in this line, "Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours." I'm certain that God is using this experience to help me glimpse His heart. My precious daughter is the focus of all of these changes and I work so hard to insulate her from the negative and potentially scarring parts. I need to remember that I am also a precious daughter to the King, and that He is hurting for me as my parent . . . and the Father of my daughter, as well . . . Perhaps "the world is on their way to you, but they're tripping over me. I'm always looking down, but never looking up. I'm so double-minded." [from the same song]. This experience is certainly opening my eyes in many ways. I'm terrified about what He might have in mind for me to do with this experience. However, if I can help others, I will try to do it without tripping anyone too badly. . .
One of my daughter's memory verses came out "In this world you will have trouble, but fear not because He wins!" I love her tranlsation. She asked what "overcoming the world" meant, and then summed it up like that . . . years ago, yet it feels like last week. This would be a good time to insert "Fight Another Day" by Addison Road. When I just want to crawl back in bed, that song gets me up and moving . . . dancing, actually. May God Bless your day and all of your interactions today. Lord, please help me be more like the gorgeous woman that filled me up today.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Now that I've processed . . .
I am someone who needs quite and time to process information and really let it sink in. In fact, I can be angry and have to figure out why over time. Not that I think it's something else first, but I really don't know where it is coming from at all. No doubt some of you will think this is very strange.
In the past, I've associated this with being highly introverted. I am not at all shy, and it's not the same thing. Introversion is getting energy from being alone or with a small, trusted group (like 1-2). Extroversion is getting energy from being with people . . . often, lots of them! It's a commonly misunderstood concept.
At the recent conference, I learned a bit more about the delayed processing, however. Some types are recognized as learning disabilities or disorders. We've all heard of some of these. There are also some that are extremely common in gifted children - often called twice exceptional kids :) I learned about a new on last weekend, Dysgraphia. Put as simply as possible, it involves a difficulty for children to think and write at the same time. It has impact beyond writing, however. As the symptoms were laid out for me, I believe our daughter has that. I think I do, as well. Even more interesting, I hear about most of these symptoms in the parent room of our gifted coop all the time, but we tend to associate it with giftedness, frustration and boredom (since those are prevalent obstacles for us). It was fascinating!
There is scientific evidence for people feeling like they have whatever they hear about, and I know I am susceptible. I don't believe that is the case this time, however. I went to a talk entitled "Smart kids who hate to write." I am challenged with teaching writing to my daugher, even though she LOVES reading. Handwriting is frustrating for her, and I had thought maybe we'd just focus on typing and not worry too much about it. I hear about that a lot from parents of gifted children, especially. The assumption was that their brains move so fast that slowing down to write is frustrating and feels like a waste of time. I'm not sure that's it anymore.
Dianne Craft had a class of kids, mostly boys, who were highly intelligent (she stated IQs around 135) but were writing at a Kindergarten to 2nd grade level, even in middle school. She was trained in this and had a class full of them. At some point she stumbled across information that led her to a simple and profoundly effective system called "Writing 8" and "Right Brain Writing" by her. . . While it was a short talk and it sounds like new information is still coming in, there is a block of kids crossing the midline between right brain and left brain in some instances. Many of these kids have a different sides dominant in different areas. I happen to be left-footed and right-handed. After 15 minutes per day, 4 days per week, for 6 months to a year of this OT (Occupational Therapy), these kids were suddenly writing and lining up their math neatly and easily. They were able to work around it before, but it was taking extra energy, and they were catching and correcting themselves. Occasionally (or more), they were reversing letters, starting to write letters backwards or bottom up instead of top down, etc. Did I mention that she guarantees the program? Check it out online if you're interested - www.diannecraft.org.
My daughter does this. In fact, this morning, she had some very easy fill-in-the-blank writing work. She came to me and said, "I'm getting tired from doing so many sheets and it's hard to do my spacing." She has never said it like that before, but this points to dysgraphia, as well. My husband and I were actually pleased to hear it, as it confirmed our suspicions. No, we're not mean parents or just looking for diagnosis, and we will not be having her formally assessed. The public school systems don't recognize this particular challenge, I hear from a mother whose child was formally diagnosed - they are now homeschoolers. I digress. This situation is completely treatable and reversable. Part of my work inovolves random days with a tremendous amount of handwriting and I am almost worthless from fatigue on the days following this. I wonder if that could change for me. . .
Brain-training is something I'm fascinated with and have been as long as I can remember. The system involves retraining the connections in the brain to be more automatic and take less energy for some things most people take for granted. It goes beyong handwriting and math. Some of the boys she's worked with were suddenly fabulous at sports - it dramatically improved their hand-eye coordination. I have never been able to throw or catch in a way that didn't embarrass me. Some kids could suddently ride a bike - I know several children who struggle with this, including my own daughter. One child completely lost a stutter! For the small time investment involved, I'm excited to try it and see how it changes things for us. Then again, if our daughter moves even faster, it could get much scarier for me o.O
Remember how I said this goes beyond writing? Some of this concept has been developed from sports medicine. I'm finding sports medicine is showing up in all sorts of new (and appropriate) places in the last few years. The respect and impact this field has on others has been underestimated in the past, I believe. Exciting discoveries await us as its influence expands even further, I believe.
I hope you have a fabulous weekend and are blessed with some wonderful, deep-breath relaxing kinds of moments.
In the past, I've associated this with being highly introverted. I am not at all shy, and it's not the same thing. Introversion is getting energy from being alone or with a small, trusted group (like 1-2). Extroversion is getting energy from being with people . . . often, lots of them! It's a commonly misunderstood concept.
At the recent conference, I learned a bit more about the delayed processing, however. Some types are recognized as learning disabilities or disorders. We've all heard of some of these. There are also some that are extremely common in gifted children - often called twice exceptional kids :) I learned about a new on last weekend, Dysgraphia. Put as simply as possible, it involves a difficulty for children to think and write at the same time. It has impact beyond writing, however. As the symptoms were laid out for me, I believe our daughter has that. I think I do, as well. Even more interesting, I hear about most of these symptoms in the parent room of our gifted coop all the time, but we tend to associate it with giftedness, frustration and boredom (since those are prevalent obstacles for us). It was fascinating!
There is scientific evidence for people feeling like they have whatever they hear about, and I know I am susceptible. I don't believe that is the case this time, however. I went to a talk entitled "Smart kids who hate to write." I am challenged with teaching writing to my daugher, even though she LOVES reading. Handwriting is frustrating for her, and I had thought maybe we'd just focus on typing and not worry too much about it. I hear about that a lot from parents of gifted children, especially. The assumption was that their brains move so fast that slowing down to write is frustrating and feels like a waste of time. I'm not sure that's it anymore.
Dianne Craft had a class of kids, mostly boys, who were highly intelligent (she stated IQs around 135) but were writing at a Kindergarten to 2nd grade level, even in middle school. She was trained in this and had a class full of them. At some point she stumbled across information that led her to a simple and profoundly effective system called "Writing 8" and "Right Brain Writing" by her. . . While it was a short talk and it sounds like new information is still coming in, there is a block of kids crossing the midline between right brain and left brain in some instances. Many of these kids have a different sides dominant in different areas. I happen to be left-footed and right-handed. After 15 minutes per day, 4 days per week, for 6 months to a year of this OT (Occupational Therapy), these kids were suddenly writing and lining up their math neatly and easily. They were able to work around it before, but it was taking extra energy, and they were catching and correcting themselves. Occasionally (or more), they were reversing letters, starting to write letters backwards or bottom up instead of top down, etc. Did I mention that she guarantees the program? Check it out online if you're interested - www.diannecraft.org.
My daughter does this. In fact, this morning, she had some very easy fill-in-the-blank writing work. She came to me and said, "I'm getting tired from doing so many sheets and it's hard to do my spacing." She has never said it like that before, but this points to dysgraphia, as well. My husband and I were actually pleased to hear it, as it confirmed our suspicions. No, we're not mean parents or just looking for diagnosis, and we will not be having her formally assessed. The public school systems don't recognize this particular challenge, I hear from a mother whose child was formally diagnosed - they are now homeschoolers. I digress. This situation is completely treatable and reversable. Part of my work inovolves random days with a tremendous amount of handwriting and I am almost worthless from fatigue on the days following this. I wonder if that could change for me. . .
Brain-training is something I'm fascinated with and have been as long as I can remember. The system involves retraining the connections in the brain to be more automatic and take less energy for some things most people take for granted. It goes beyong handwriting and math. Some of the boys she's worked with were suddenly fabulous at sports - it dramatically improved their hand-eye coordination. I have never been able to throw or catch in a way that didn't embarrass me. Some kids could suddently ride a bike - I know several children who struggle with this, including my own daughter. One child completely lost a stutter! For the small time investment involved, I'm excited to try it and see how it changes things for us. Then again, if our daughter moves even faster, it could get much scarier for me o.O
Remember how I said this goes beyond writing? Some of this concept has been developed from sports medicine. I'm finding sports medicine is showing up in all sorts of new (and appropriate) places in the last few years. The respect and impact this field has on others has been underestimated in the past, I believe. Exciting discoveries await us as its influence expands even further, I believe.
I hope you have a fabulous weekend and are blessed with some wonderful, deep-breath relaxing kinds of moments.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Homeschool Conference reflections
We attended a homeschool conference that was not centered around giftedness recently. My husband attended with me, and we learned some valuable things that can be applied to our daughter, our home, etc. However, it was a bit disappointing and frustrating, since the giftedness focus seemed to create quite a stumbling block in applying things and limited our options in the exhibitors' booths quite a bit, as well.
The exhibitors . . . it had been a while since I had been that frustrated and uncomfortable.
Salesperson ~ How many do you homeschool?
One
Salesperson ~ how old?
Seven
Salesperson directs us invariably to materials that won't work for us.
As I, who am not shy about interrupting, had a hard time interjecting that we are looking for something different, the salesperson goes on and on without drawing breath.
I tried the approach of "I'm just looking around" without success several times - it did work once, which was faster and easier.
Eventually, I settled on my initial response of "think 3rd to 6th grade" as a starting place to whatever question they started with. Unfortunately, that didn't yield success, either, although it was a faster way to eliminate some of the offerings.
In the end, we found a bit of applicable material, a bit of adaptable material, and whole bunch that just doesn't apply to us.
There are a few scars, though. After some unsuccessful investigating, we decided to be bold and actually admit that we have a highly gifted child on a couple of occasions. Yes, it takes bravery more often than you might think. Here's a little bit of what we got in response to that:
"So just start at a higher level" ~ in some cases high school or college, which were not presented in a way that is interesting to a 7-year-old girl . . . no pink, no buterflies . . . she is still 7, after all.
"That's wonderful! The beauty of homeschooling is that you can just go at your own pace, and we have all the lesson plans and tests and quizzes included for you." ~ this curriculum is just as repetitive as mainstream schools and would yield . . . unfortunate side effects.
"I really don't understand how you can say that you're not finding something that works for that." ~ this was my favorite. I even went so far as to tell her that we were talking about highly gifted to the extent that it is special needs education and not as simple as just going forward; that it needs a different approach. She repeated her earlier comment.
"We have it all divided up into lesson plans and you can do a placement test to find out where to start." Is this obvious to anyone else? When my daughter casually asked me about multiplication over one summer, she mastered single-digit multiplication in 10 minutes. Those lesson plans aren't helpful. We could go broke on these curriculum, "going at our own pace," in an alarmingly short amount of time, and using very few pages of the material . . .
We left the exhibit hall feeling defeated and depleted. This was no small conference, either! My husband put his hand on my back and said, "Well, at least we tried." Five months ago, I was as ignorant of the differences and needs as these people, so I know I shouldn't judge them. Also, they are salespeople; their job isn't to solve every problem, but to sell their materials. However, when it affects our only child and us dramatically, I can get emotional about it quickly.
We ran into a woman who my husband knew from many years ago at this same conference, and we sat with her for a bit. After we opened up to her about our daughter, she told us about hers - the same age who reads at the same level. She never thought of her child as gifted, which is something I've heard many people within the giftedness groups we have joined echo. I told her that I felt the same way in December. Her eyes got big, then she thought a bit, her expression fell and she said "it's not all the time" - that sometimes she goes nuts because of the immaturity. My husband and I spoke at once. I said, "That's what giftedness is." He said, "Of course! That's an 8 year old. Ours does that, too." All at once, this woman's eyes changed and she started to wonder. I gave her a couple of resources, as well as my e-mail address, and she left looking hopeful.
I very much hope everyone finds solutions that work for them, whether or not they are like ours.
I also went to the conference desk and left specific feedback about inviting presenters I respect in the area of giftedness and expressing my disappointment that it wasn't better represented there. Interestingly, the 2 women working the info booth have giftedness experience within their own families, whether children or grandchildren, and one studied it in college.
I am doing what I can, but it's easy to feel alone and/or misunderstood. I refuse to give up.
The exhibitors . . . it had been a while since I had been that frustrated and uncomfortable.
Salesperson ~ How many do you homeschool?
One
Salesperson ~ how old?
Seven
Salesperson directs us invariably to materials that won't work for us.
As I, who am not shy about interrupting, had a hard time interjecting that we are looking for something different, the salesperson goes on and on without drawing breath.
I tried the approach of "I'm just looking around" without success several times - it did work once, which was faster and easier.
Eventually, I settled on my initial response of "think 3rd to 6th grade" as a starting place to whatever question they started with. Unfortunately, that didn't yield success, either, although it was a faster way to eliminate some of the offerings.
In the end, we found a bit of applicable material, a bit of adaptable material, and whole bunch that just doesn't apply to us.
There are a few scars, though. After some unsuccessful investigating, we decided to be bold and actually admit that we have a highly gifted child on a couple of occasions. Yes, it takes bravery more often than you might think. Here's a little bit of what we got in response to that:
"So just start at a higher level" ~ in some cases high school or college, which were not presented in a way that is interesting to a 7-year-old girl . . . no pink, no buterflies . . . she is still 7, after all.
"That's wonderful! The beauty of homeschooling is that you can just go at your own pace, and we have all the lesson plans and tests and quizzes included for you." ~ this curriculum is just as repetitive as mainstream schools and would yield . . . unfortunate side effects.
"I really don't understand how you can say that you're not finding something that works for that." ~ this was my favorite. I even went so far as to tell her that we were talking about highly gifted to the extent that it is special needs education and not as simple as just going forward; that it needs a different approach. She repeated her earlier comment.
"We have it all divided up into lesson plans and you can do a placement test to find out where to start." Is this obvious to anyone else? When my daughter casually asked me about multiplication over one summer, she mastered single-digit multiplication in 10 minutes. Those lesson plans aren't helpful. We could go broke on these curriculum, "going at our own pace," in an alarmingly short amount of time, and using very few pages of the material . . .
We left the exhibit hall feeling defeated and depleted. This was no small conference, either! My husband put his hand on my back and said, "Well, at least we tried." Five months ago, I was as ignorant of the differences and needs as these people, so I know I shouldn't judge them. Also, they are salespeople; their job isn't to solve every problem, but to sell their materials. However, when it affects our only child and us dramatically, I can get emotional about it quickly.
We ran into a woman who my husband knew from many years ago at this same conference, and we sat with her for a bit. After we opened up to her about our daughter, she told us about hers - the same age who reads at the same level. She never thought of her child as gifted, which is something I've heard many people within the giftedness groups we have joined echo. I told her that I felt the same way in December. Her eyes got big, then she thought a bit, her expression fell and she said "it's not all the time" - that sometimes she goes nuts because of the immaturity. My husband and I spoke at once. I said, "That's what giftedness is." He said, "Of course! That's an 8 year old. Ours does that, too." All at once, this woman's eyes changed and she started to wonder. I gave her a couple of resources, as well as my e-mail address, and she left looking hopeful.
I very much hope everyone finds solutions that work for them, whether or not they are like ours.
I also went to the conference desk and left specific feedback about inviting presenters I respect in the area of giftedness and expressing my disappointment that it wasn't better represented there. Interestingly, the 2 women working the info booth have giftedness experience within their own families, whether children or grandchildren, and one studied it in college.
I am doing what I can, but it's easy to feel alone and/or misunderstood. I refuse to give up.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Dinner Conversation
The good news is that Easter dinner conversation didn't include anything about snails eating dead shrimp, as it was not at our house. However, it was a very interesting Easter conversation around the table.
We were eating ribs, and M started asking about the food.
M ~ Ribs of an animal?
me ~ yep. All meat comes from animals. So do eggs (gesturing to deviled eggs)
Grandpa ~ ribs from a pig. [said with much gusto and a smirk]
M (between bites) ~ Do pigs have cartilage?
Grandma ~ no.
me ~ yes.
Grandma ~ well, not in the part we're eating. Ribs don't move.
me ~ yes they do.
M inspects her food, using her fingers to explore for cartilage.
Grandma ~ yeah, well not like a knee or elbow. They don't move far.
me ~ They have cartilage at the joints where they attach to the spine.
At this point, I started thinking about the Chronicles of Narnia where the children overhear the giants' conversation about a talking horse that had been prepared for the meal they were eating. Awkward.
It felt like another "new normal" kind of moment, so I wanted to share . . .
We were eating ribs, and M started asking about the food.
M ~ Ribs of an animal?
me ~ yep. All meat comes from animals. So do eggs (gesturing to deviled eggs)
Grandpa ~ ribs from a pig. [said with much gusto and a smirk]
M (between bites) ~ Do pigs have cartilage?
Grandma ~ no.
me ~ yes.
Grandma ~ well, not in the part we're eating. Ribs don't move.
me ~ yes they do.
M inspects her food, using her fingers to explore for cartilage.
Grandma ~ yeah, well not like a knee or elbow. They don't move far.
me ~ They have cartilage at the joints where they attach to the spine.
At this point, I started thinking about the Chronicles of Narnia where the children overhear the giants' conversation about a talking horse that had been prepared for the meal they were eating. Awkward.
It felt like another "new normal" kind of moment, so I wanted to share . . .
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Stereotypes
Since we started homeschooling, we have multiple new "normals" to incorporate. A relative was assigned to do a paper about homeschooling, and contacted me for information, even though we are new. Our family is full of teachers who work in public schools and her mother also works in the schools. Her grandmother has no idea what to tell people about me and our decision to homeschool, I hear. When she was given the topic of homeschooling (at a good public school that many in our family have attended), she probably wasn't excited.
I gave her information on our situation and experience, and copied a number of others who are involved in homsechooling, so that they'd get more variety and in-depth feedback from people who are more experienced. The theme that came back from others was the stereotype about homeschoolers. I hadn't mentioned it, but we have been subjected to stereotypes. I'm also guilty of believing stereotypes about homeschoolers. One of the women copied me and ended her comments with "For the record, I do not own a denim jumper or bonnet." I laughed out loud at that one, and then remembered another conversation.
Someone I am very loosely connected with was kind enough to talk with me about her experience homeschooling several children for years after having been a public school teacher. They are connected with a group that has a long waiting list, and I believe it is Christian-themed. She said that homeschoolers weren't what she expected, but that she didn't know if she expected a row of denim jumpers or what. I guess that must be part of the stereotype since I heard it from two unconnected sources. That same lovely woman used a phrase that stuck with me, since I admire it and agree with it. After most of her opinions, she added, "for us." I believe in multiple right answers and finding the right one for your family. Not all homeschoolers believe there is one right answer.
At a medical office waiting room last week, I was confronted with the stereotype. A mother was there with eight children, and the oldest must have been about 11. Every girl was in a denim skirt, including the mother. The youngest were twins, and two of the older children were clearly responsible for the babies. The reading-aged kids had Bibles open on their laps, but were sneaking peeks at Nickelodeon on the TV in the waiting area whenever their mother was looking at her crochet-work - something pink and white that appeared to be for one of the twins. It was clear that television isn't part of their world. They were VERY well-behaved and seemed very sweet. Combined, they were much quieter than one boy who went in before them. However, if there had been bonnets, I would have been looking for cameras, certain that it was staged.
My brother and his family do very little screen time with their kids, which works great for them and I support. When we began homeschooling, we bought and iPad to use mostly for the apps for our daughter. Our daughter has multiple devotionals and her own full NIV Bible that she knows how to look things up with. However, she also watches TV. We started with Baby Einsteins when she was only months old. The thing is, like many highly gifted kids, she is extremely intense and demands constant, focused attention. We simply cannot do that constantly. We are too tired. She has learned a ton from screen time, including geography, aquatics (from her beloved documentaries), math and more. I love my jeans, but my daughter does not like wearing jeans, so getting her into denim happens mostly when she lets me choose a theme for pictures. She's more of a sweats and track pants with a t-shirt kind of girl.
The major stereotypes I hear/notice about giftedness is pride and speed. While there are proud people in every group, there are people who aren't in every group, also. Speed is a tricky one. Our daughter is speeding through school, about to complete her second grade level this "school year" but she reads slowly and carefully. I'm not sure what speed means in terms of learning. Is it number of repetitions, overall completion time or something completely different? I've talked about giftedness stereotypes in other posts here, so I'll move on.
Stereotypes of all kinds are uncomfortable and awkward. They can also cause pain in many cases. Homeschooling and giftedness are no exception. One of the hardest parts of the transition into this new normal for me has been the interpersonal relationships. Some people assume that we aren't interested in being around them anymore, and in most cases that is untrue. Some people who are also gifted have shut us out, and it seems like maybe they didn't want to be that much like us. I thought maybe it was me. Like many people in these groups, fitting in and social stuff has never been my strong suit.
A week or two ago, a mother in our homsechool group sat with me and struck up a conversation, having laughed about a comment I had made in a meeting. She decided to talk with me more about it. I wasn't trying to be funny. Laughing at me (including me laughing at myself) is one of the biggest sources for humor in my life, however. Back to the subject. We drifted into talking about families from our previous lives, both feeling that the environments we had left were good ones. She related a story of her girl's only close friend from that school. Like many of these kids, she had made few really valued friends. That school had been the perfect vision of her daughter's educational life through high school, but like us, they had learned that something different was needed. The mother called and was angry with her on several occasions, trying to talk her into changing her mind. In the end, the woman said that if the girls weren't in the same school, she didn't see the point in them continuing their friendship. Now, they see the family in public regularly, and the mother is silent and the girl isn't allowed to speak to them. This poor gifted girl, on top of being lunged into massive changes, did not understand why she could no longer spend time with her one treasured friend. In the end, she was told, "Her mother said we can't." What a terrible situation . . . so sad.
In a strange way, this was reassuring to me. It proves that I am not the only one. My daughter still asks about a few of the true friends she used to have. While only one of them was overt about the changes, it was hard to tell her that we wouldn't be seeing them anymore. In the situations where they weren't overt, I just tell her that I have asked them to make plans, but haven't heard back. One of the most difficult things is that much of our support structure dissolved when the "problem" was no longer labeled anxiety, and relabeled giftedness. I'm not sure what to do with that. It just seems wrong on many levels.
Thank you to those of you who are reading this and praying for us. If you are, you are supporting us in my opinion. Have a blessed Easter!
I gave her information on our situation and experience, and copied a number of others who are involved in homsechooling, so that they'd get more variety and in-depth feedback from people who are more experienced. The theme that came back from others was the stereotype about homeschoolers. I hadn't mentioned it, but we have been subjected to stereotypes. I'm also guilty of believing stereotypes about homeschoolers. One of the women copied me and ended her comments with "For the record, I do not own a denim jumper or bonnet." I laughed out loud at that one, and then remembered another conversation.
Someone I am very loosely connected with was kind enough to talk with me about her experience homeschooling several children for years after having been a public school teacher. They are connected with a group that has a long waiting list, and I believe it is Christian-themed. She said that homeschoolers weren't what she expected, but that she didn't know if she expected a row of denim jumpers or what. I guess that must be part of the stereotype since I heard it from two unconnected sources. That same lovely woman used a phrase that stuck with me, since I admire it and agree with it. After most of her opinions, she added, "for us." I believe in multiple right answers and finding the right one for your family. Not all homeschoolers believe there is one right answer.
At a medical office waiting room last week, I was confronted with the stereotype. A mother was there with eight children, and the oldest must have been about 11. Every girl was in a denim skirt, including the mother. The youngest were twins, and two of the older children were clearly responsible for the babies. The reading-aged kids had Bibles open on their laps, but were sneaking peeks at Nickelodeon on the TV in the waiting area whenever their mother was looking at her crochet-work - something pink and white that appeared to be for one of the twins. It was clear that television isn't part of their world. They were VERY well-behaved and seemed very sweet. Combined, they were much quieter than one boy who went in before them. However, if there had been bonnets, I would have been looking for cameras, certain that it was staged.
My brother and his family do very little screen time with their kids, which works great for them and I support. When we began homeschooling, we bought and iPad to use mostly for the apps for our daughter. Our daughter has multiple devotionals and her own full NIV Bible that she knows how to look things up with. However, she also watches TV. We started with Baby Einsteins when she was only months old. The thing is, like many highly gifted kids, she is extremely intense and demands constant, focused attention. We simply cannot do that constantly. We are too tired. She has learned a ton from screen time, including geography, aquatics (from her beloved documentaries), math and more. I love my jeans, but my daughter does not like wearing jeans, so getting her into denim happens mostly when she lets me choose a theme for pictures. She's more of a sweats and track pants with a t-shirt kind of girl.
The major stereotypes I hear/notice about giftedness is pride and speed. While there are proud people in every group, there are people who aren't in every group, also. Speed is a tricky one. Our daughter is speeding through school, about to complete her second grade level this "school year" but she reads slowly and carefully. I'm not sure what speed means in terms of learning. Is it number of repetitions, overall completion time or something completely different? I've talked about giftedness stereotypes in other posts here, so I'll move on.
Stereotypes of all kinds are uncomfortable and awkward. They can also cause pain in many cases. Homeschooling and giftedness are no exception. One of the hardest parts of the transition into this new normal for me has been the interpersonal relationships. Some people assume that we aren't interested in being around them anymore, and in most cases that is untrue. Some people who are also gifted have shut us out, and it seems like maybe they didn't want to be that much like us. I thought maybe it was me. Like many people in these groups, fitting in and social stuff has never been my strong suit.
A week or two ago, a mother in our homsechool group sat with me and struck up a conversation, having laughed about a comment I had made in a meeting. She decided to talk with me more about it. I wasn't trying to be funny. Laughing at me (including me laughing at myself) is one of the biggest sources for humor in my life, however. Back to the subject. We drifted into talking about families from our previous lives, both feeling that the environments we had left were good ones. She related a story of her girl's only close friend from that school. Like many of these kids, she had made few really valued friends. That school had been the perfect vision of her daughter's educational life through high school, but like us, they had learned that something different was needed. The mother called and was angry with her on several occasions, trying to talk her into changing her mind. In the end, the woman said that if the girls weren't in the same school, she didn't see the point in them continuing their friendship. Now, they see the family in public regularly, and the mother is silent and the girl isn't allowed to speak to them. This poor gifted girl, on top of being lunged into massive changes, did not understand why she could no longer spend time with her one treasured friend. In the end, she was told, "Her mother said we can't." What a terrible situation . . . so sad.
In a strange way, this was reassuring to me. It proves that I am not the only one. My daughter still asks about a few of the true friends she used to have. While only one of them was overt about the changes, it was hard to tell her that we wouldn't be seeing them anymore. In the situations where they weren't overt, I just tell her that I have asked them to make plans, but haven't heard back. One of the most difficult things is that much of our support structure dissolved when the "problem" was no longer labeled anxiety, and relabeled giftedness. I'm not sure what to do with that. It just seems wrong on many levels.
Thank you to those of you who are reading this and praying for us. If you are, you are supporting us in my opinion. Have a blessed Easter!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)