Belonging

This week, we started meeting with a homeschool coop that is a group of gifted families. We chose it and like it because it's not elitist. Sure, there are elitist individuals there, as there are just about anywhere. However, the group doesn't require an IQ test score to join or any of the other "prove yourself" kinds of things that some groups request. We don't want our daughter to think she's better than anyone else and frankly, we don't want to be around the people who are convinced that they are better than others. Those people are irritating.

When our educational consultant first told us that we needed to get her into programming for highly gifted kids, I was insecure and wary. What I asked was, "Am I going to get along with these people?" She told me that they are just like the rest of us, trying to figure it all out. She also pointed out that giftedness is hereditary, so we are "these people." Oh yeah . . . Then again, maybe my inability to comprehend that proves that I'm not . . . moving on :)

Recently, I was concerned (without need, in the end) that our daughter might not take to some specific children she will be spending more time with, outside of educational circles. As I have put in other posts, my daughter likes different things than many kids her age, and that makes her somewhat disinterested in kids more often than you might expect. One of the signs of giftedness in young kids are those who prefer to interact with adults. One of the kids I was concerned about spent as much or more time interacting with me as the other children in the group, so I didn't need to be worried.

At the homeschool coop, my daughter initially was more interested in talking to the adults than the other children, which wasn't a surprise. It ended up being a group of mostly boys, which is also pretty common in gifted circles. Statistically, girls will "dumb down" to fit in, where boys tend to have behavioral problems as their reaction to the frustrations of giftedness, so more boys get pulled out of traditional school systems. At lunch , we were sitting with a couple of girls who are a couple of years older than my daughter. They were very open to talking with her, but she took a bit to warm up. We started talking about reading, which all of us are quite interested in. My daughter was asked what she likes to read, and she got a little squirmy. Slowly, she told the adult with us that it's kindof wierd, but she's reading at a grade level ahead of her grade, "Isn't that kindof wierd?" Bless this woman! She immediately said, "that's not wierd at all." The girls with us confirmed that. I told her that most of the people in that school group are that way. Her shoulders relaxed, she looked up, and my daughter started opening up.

I had to exert myself to not cry, honestly. I knew I wanted her to feel a sense of belonging. I always associated this with being "normal" in a way I just never quite felt, although I stayed at age-appropriate grade levels throughout my life. I was so relieved and pleased to see her feel that sense of belonging, even for a moment . . . That same day, the radio was on briefly and there was a talk about loneliness and its toll on our health. I don't think it was a coincidence.

Personally, I would rather have a few really good friends than a whole slew of kinda-sorta-friends. I'm not the type of person who needed to be popular or have a lot of people around to be happy. However, I believe it's extremely important to have a place, however small, where you feel like you fit. I love that we may have found a place like that for our daughter. I found some parents that I enjoy, as well. I hope you have a happy, meaningful weekend of relating. Then again, sometimes a silent solitary retreat sounds fabulous, as well ;)