A friend asked how we knew to even look into it. It's a great question! The honest answer is that we didn't know. What we knew was that there were problems that needed to be addressed. We tried the things offered by the school she was attending. They didn't work, so we started looking elsewhere. Eventually, we found answers that we were able to follow-through see progress. It's completely trial and error. We are still learning. There is SO much information out there, and not all of it applies to every kid.
My husband was telling me how fast our daughter is not long ago, and a relative was telling me that she's unsure her son is at all advanced. Honestly, I don't buy either assertion.
Our daughter is a slow test-taker. She's a fast learner, though. We went over the concept of single-digit multiplication for about 10 minutes and she got it. Of course, she doesn't have the multiplication tables memorized. She also took longer than the average child for finishing the state testing for first grade. She got a very high percentage of them right and took it mid-school-year.
The consultant we worked with explained something that helps me. Public school traditional curriculum loops. By repeating information we absorb it more fully. Standard curriculum averages about 6 loops of the same material. The sphere our daughter is in needs about 2 repetitions, on average. That sphere can only tolerate about 3 repetitions of the same information. In those two sentences, it helps me take a logical, unemotional look at the ups and downs of the situation in a simplified way.
Reading "5 Levels of Gifted" by Dr Deborah Ruf has been enlightening. The beginning of the book describes the families she has worked with, in addition to her experience with her own (now adult) children. There is plenty of research included. I have recommended it to a few families with younger children, as it lists some of the things that are common in gifted children from birth on . . . as I read through it the first time, I found myself remembering things and thinking, "Doesn't everyone do that?" This is very similar to the experience my friend was relating to me in her own mothering last week. If you want concrete information on younger kids' behaviors that might indicated giftedness, I would recommend the book. Whether or not any alternative plans are ever needed, it's nice to know what to have some ideas and information.
The relative boy referenced earlier is younger than my daughter. Before children are exposed to reading and math in school, it's difficult for parents to know how they compare. I have one child, so I have zero comparison. The ranges tend to be hereditary, so comparing siblings doesn't help parents understand if their children are gifted. Actually, comparing our children to our own childhood doesn't tend to help for the same reason. Beyond that, many children adapt themselves to make their current situation work, which isn't all bad, I'll admit readily. However, my husband played dumb with his friends to fit in when he was in school. Is that really what we want for our kids? Before last Fall, that's exactly what I wanted for my daughter. I wanted her to feel "normal" and happy. The problem is that she's different than many kids her age and she was not happy.
While being miserable in her classes and convinced she wasn't keeping up or pleasing her teachers, I was at a loss. How could I convince her that she was doing just fine, help her relax, and still help her remember that she is no better or worse as a person than anyone else?! I was worried about her all day every day while she was at school, then being strong for her when she was home, and barely sleeping from worry and brainstorming. Then, we entered a four-day holiday weekend. We had intentionally planned little and turned down most plans. We all needed to relax, and our daughter had been so lethargic. . . The first day of the long weekend, however, she was giddy.
That weekend, I gave her a new drawing book. She loves art and I was trying to encourage her to just have some fun. The book has all these really cool animals that are drawn using numbers - 2 is for Toucan - and it's wonderfully creative. The first one, though, I thought was really wierd - a paramecium, made from 1's and 0's . . . I shrugged it off, thinking they had to come up with something to make the theme work for all numbers, I supposed. It was the paramecium that our daughter wanted to draw, ask lots of questions about, etc. In fact, we heard a lot about paramecium for more than a week. That is when I started to realize that her struggles were around school, specifically. She was hungry to learn, but dreading school. You will get tired of hearing me say that it is a fabulous school with an amazing staff and incredible principal. However, her problems clearly revolved around school not being a good fit for her.
One family told us that they began homeschooling their children when their son started asking successive questions about pipes and plumbing. That day, they ended up on a tour of a sewage treatment plant and decided to homeschool so that they could encourage this in-depth desire for learning. Our daughter also thinks and connects things very creatively . . . when she has time for that. Public school didn't fit our schedule in a way that promoted it.
One girl I knew shut down in first grade, and was treated as though she was falling behind. That family applied at an alternative, gifted school. A year and half into the new school, the girl was doing seventh grade math.
A man I know was steered toward a learning disability label in first grade. He continued through public school, and is brilliant. Always has been, and will always be brilliant. He pursued education that interested him, Greek as his language in college because the text was the New Testament in the original language. He also studied the skills that advanced him in his career quickly, managing several engineers by his mid-20s, being flown to Asia on business as the company rep, and much more.
Another man I know attended middle school part-time and kept up easily. He was a professional actor, even that young. Like every example I know personally, he had some very unhappy times in his life. Unfortunately, those coincided with times when he was exposed to substances before he had the maturity to handle them well. He is now happy and successful, but had years of struggle and regret in between.
One of my favorite examples is the man who was in accelerated classes throughout public school. He finished college and scored in the 98th percentile on the LSAT (which qualifies him for Mensa membership, although he's not interested). What really shows his intelligence to me, is that he realized he didn't want to be a lawyer and didn't go to law school. Instead, he became a courrier for many years, listening to sermons and worship music during work for character development and to seek God. He never held a prestigious career position, but chose things that would make him happy and provide the best opportunity for his family to be healthy and happy. That is the most incredible kind of intelligence, I think. He is my husband.
I will offend people, but please don't see me as elitist. Every mother thinks her child is incredible, of course. It's true, also. My friends' Downs children are incredible. Some of the many children that impress me excel in: compassion, relationships, dance, figure skating, fashion, music, science, math, loyalty, dedication, acceptance, curiosity, pursuing their dreams, finishing well (which doesn't mean extremely talented, but persevering), and much more. Every child should feel proud of every goal achieved. . . and adults could learn more of that, as well.
Our goals for our daughter are not too altered. We want her to be happy. For her, that includes being reasonably challenged intellectually and physically, having downtime to allow her thoughts to wander creatively, and being around other people (of all ages) that she enjoys. For the last couple of months, she's been happy again. That's enough.
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