Those two things have been our recent themes.
Recently, I was in a conversation with a mother and daughter we talk to weekly. We were discussing travel and Disneyland. I commented that M didn't want to go there last time we were in the area, but that we went to Discovery Cove and swam with fish and stingrays, etc. The other child is very young, and couldn't believe that Disney wasn't the choice. I felt it was an appropriate comment, seeing as how we were at swimming lessons . . . swimming with fish. Safe, right? Guess not. The other girl, got really close to my daughter's face and expressed shock, which made my daughter quite uncomfortable. As we were walking out, I was informed of new social protocols by my daughter, who, honestly, still needs a lot of practice with social interactions . . . Apparently, she doesn't want people to hear about her decision not to visit Disney, "especially with little kids, Mom."
From the first indication, I have grieved that giftedness makes it statistically unlikely to fit in very often. My husband had a much more satisfying, full social life than I did, and I really wanted that for our daughter growing up. That hasn't been in God's plan for much of her life. There was a period with countless kids around as often as we would allow it, but it was brief.
We are moving. Part of what we intend to do with the move is intentionally nurture social opportunities for our daughter. Not just any social interaction, but really feeling accepted and included . . . belonging. As we do that, we are saying a lot of goodbyes, which is not fun.
One of the goodbyes I had apart from the rest of my family reminds me of the giftedness element, yet again. A is an amazingly gifted girl in many areas. I will miss her a lot. In preparation for that, I have been in a lot of conversations with her mother and a few other people, and was honored to be included in being intentional about her mentors. You see, she reminds me of myself, only cooler & more athletic. I felt desperate to help her find an environment where she can grow as much as she wants to in an area of her giftedness without being pressured to perform at her highest level if she chooses to focus on other things.
I think that is one of the dangers of gifted circles. We talk about "doing our best" and that is huge pressure, as well as ridiculous. It's a concept that was presented to me related to perfectionism. This goal encourages perfectionism, which is an ironic character flaw . . . What adult do you know who is expected to do their very best in every area of their lives? I am thankful to have given up being good at a number of things that simply don't interest me. Instead, I focus on the things that intrigue me most. We still do the things we need to do, but trying to excel in every way you can . . . that sounds exhausting.
I was afraid for A. I was afraid that she would be pressured to put more emphasis in one area of her life than she wanted to, simply because she has the capacity for it. Does that shock you? It's a big deal to me. What area(s) of your life or your child's do you have capacity beyond what you choose to invest? Is there an area that excites you, even if you aren't as gifted in it? K told me this week that she was enjoying spinning, but wasn't very good at it. I know nothing of spinning, but told her all that mattered to me was that she was enjoying it. She measures her progress in balls of yarn, and "how much of a sheep" which made me smile. I'm so glad she's doing that. Knitting is like that for me. I don't consider myself to be very good at it, but I enjoy it, and I am learning something new. I'd love to hear about yours . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment