Tonight, my family attended an event we are invited to annually. Most of the people there, we see maybe once a year. This year, there was much talk of college, due to the age and lifestage of many of the people present, as parents or students in the lifestage.
When we returned home, my husband said he didn't like how one woman was talking to me and asking questions. I was uncomfortable with it, as well, and our daughter was listening without commenting, so she was clearly uncomfortable as well. It started with that seemingly simple question of what grade our daughter is in. All three of us considered, the woman thought that quite odd, and we told her that it depends upon the subject. In the end, I told her my best guess. The woman ddin't comment, or perhaps didn't notice the disconnect. M is the not the typical age for that grade. However, the woman went on to ask a series of questions that put me in an uncomfortable place, and it seemed that she does not approve of homeschooling. I tried to be polite and truthful until someone else took up another subject, shifting the woman's focus.
Before long, she began to digress into lots of name-dropping of prestigious schools, how they are related to her children and their friends, etc. She seemed not to notice that everyone got very quiet, and continued, looking quite pleased with herself. She seemed to look down on my family because traditional school will not work for our daughter until college, if she chooses to attend (because we will not force her to attend college - some post-graduate training, but not necessarily college). Her assumption, like many, is that our daughter is incapable of keeping up or learning in a sense that makes it worth spending the money. In fact, she expressed outrage to me that her own daughter who is a recent graduate and accountant wants to be a stay-at-home mother. I confronted her on that, telling her what I used to do with my business degree, and how I use it every day at home. Perhaps that's why she went on to provoke me. I should have kept my mouth shut, perhaps. . . I'm not so good at that.
By the time she got to the height of her arrogant rant, I wanted to look her in the eye and say, "You think that's something? My daughter will probably be ready for college years younger than any of your children no matter what score they got on the ACT!" She did, in fact, go into great detail about ACT scores . . . I didn't say any of that out loud, and I feel ashamed that I even thought it.
After considering it out of that woman's presence, I think I'm angry at the injustice that families with highly gifted children are too often assumed to be as arrogant as this woman. Some of them are, of course - you get bad eggs in every group. However, the extreme examples of giftedness I know go through a lot of stress about trying to find appropriate ways to answer simple questions like, "What grade is your child (or are you) in?" They do not feel that they are better than anyone else. Many, like me, sincerely wish that traditional school settings worked for their family. That's why members of our coop are familiar with so many schools - we keep trying and hoping.
I was so disappointed in my own response to this person. I am angry when confronted by the same ugliness I am assumed to possess, and the fact that those words went through my mind may mean that I do possess it. However, this woman spoke it. I am extremely defensive and protective of my child, as most mothers are. I hope that my internal dialogue was a result of that and my outrage at facing a stereotype that I don't believe fits me, rather than an indication that I am the same way. None of my nieces or nephews have gone to a special school for gifted kids and none of them were or are homeschooled. I believe that giftedness is hereditary biologically. I believe that all of my nieces and nephews are highly intelligent.
I am disgusted with myself tonight, and with that woman for triggering the disgusting reaction. I think my reaction was a growing urge to shut her up, rather than a logical or sincere response to her. I will have to check myself, and am grateful that my daughter doesn't feel superior because of her atypical neurology. Hoping you all had a better weekend than I did . . .
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