It's that season again - graduation parties!! We were invited to four this year, and attended one last night. The girl who graduated is exceptional and I know her well enough to speak to that on a number of levels and topics. She had a huge turnout for the party, as she is delightful, involved and friendly. She had a typical-enough high school classroom experience, and is glowing as she heads on to a somewhat typical college experience.
In between exchanging hugs with people I hadn't seen in weeks, months or years, I had this surreal experience of seeing things from a distance. My daughter was with me, but we will never have a party like that for her. In the midst of knowing the parents involved, the release from the work is a relief, I admit. The mother of the grad saw my expression while contemplating this, and I admitted that M will never have a graduation party. She looked confused, but recovered. With a twinkle in her eye, the mother said I was thinking pretty far ahead. She meant in lovingly, but she doesn't understand our situation. The grad, knowing more of our situation, smiled and I could tell she understood and was choosing not to make a big deal of it.
I ran across an extreme example on facebook today.
http://www.oregonlive.com/education/index.ssf/2013/06/in_college_at_12_off_to_start.html
So many things go through my mind as I try to process this story. I am so thrilled for the girl, who has the ability and opportunity to deeply nourish an area of fascination. So many exceptional people are less lucky. I am sure it has been uncomfortable for her, but am impressed that she has seemed to adapt so early in life to her differences. Again, many exceptional people are less lucky. I also hope that my daughter proves to be a less exceptional example. Contrary to what many people think, giftedness is a burden often enough that I didn't wish for it in my daughter.
Then, I think about the mother, trying to relate. I hope that M grows up to be a less extreme example than this girl. I remember realizing we were going to have an issue, and laughed because it sounds like this mother phrased it similarly to how I experienced it. I remember thinking M was just enjoying fun visual stimulus. We tried to follow the parenting advice of minimal screentime, and avoided computers longer than many, but we did employ educational DVDs early, mostly out of desperation.
Baby Einstein videos were the first because we received a set as a baby gift before her birth, so they were available at the moment of desperation. Plagued with guilt, I started one when M was a few months old. She was calmed and fascinated by it, and it looked like she was learning. I decided that I was trying to assuage my guilt by thinking that way. I also decided that a sane mother was good for my daughter, and continued to play them for her.
Baby Monet is the only one I remember well. There are adorable zebra puppet scenes. One gets sunburned, and (spoiler alert!) the other cakes the first sunscreen. This is followed by zebra #1 making sheep noises, looking very much like a sheep from the thick white sunscreen. M laughed like crazy about that. I remember stopping my business in the kitchen, then shaking my head and thinking, "no way!" Her age was still measured in months, and there was no way she understood the joke. Right? She was too young to remember it, so it will be on my list of things to ask in Heaven.
Some milestonse may not get celebrated traditionally, and that's all right. We will celebrate her. For first grade being completed, we invited the grandparents to a lunch and visited a local amusement park. We also had professional photos taken, since she doesn't automatically get school photos. M did not mind that going differently than other kids. Second grade very quickly followed, and she was satisfied with pizza, a DVD and ice cream with her parents for that occasion. I picture us parents collapsed on the couch that evening, and am pretty sure it's an accurate memory - second grade took a few weeks for her to complete. We have stopped celebrating the end of each grade, as a result. I will continue to try and find ways to celebrate in a meaningful way, if not a traditional one.
She has started to become more socially aware. For a while, that seemed to not be on her radar. It was a phase, because she was social before and is becoming more social again. I wonder if she was so starved for learning that other things ceased to matter for a time. I hope that her increasing social interest means we are feeding her intellect adequately. School is still not tempting to her, but homeschool classes, museum class, summer school classes, etc . . . all of that is exciting to her, as much as kid birthday parties, honestly . . . It will be interesting to navigate.
If you are among those celebrating a graduation of any kind this Spring, I congratulate you . . . at any age, young, average, or old!
P.S. A wise friend asked me why we wouldn't be having a graduation for M. I'm sure that friend will have one, regardless of the age at graduation because that's how she is. I will attend if I'm invited, and am not trying to make decisions for anyone, nor judge their decisions that differ from ours.
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