Recently, my daughter and I spent time with dear friends. They are the kind of people we always feel close to, even though we don't see them often enough. The family has two children, one the same age as M, and the other a bit younger. It was fascinating to see them all interact.
Their living arrangements and lifestyle are drastically different than our own ~ basically suburban vs rural. M was loving the whole thing, but had not spent a lot of time around them for the last couple of years, as we had only seen them briefly a couple of times during that period. It was fun and curious to see her acting really young. . . . most of the time :)
As we were learning about some of the aspects of living, M would be very interested, then stare off into space. I think this might have been frustrating or dissapointing to Papa (as they call him). I assured him that she was enjoying it. At night, we would talk in bed before lights out and it was clear she was listening. Talking in her sleep, she said, "it depends upon the altitude and longitude." When asked about it the next morning, she cited something she had read, mixing up the words altitude and latitude, but still something you don't expect coming out of a little girl . . . while she's asleep, especially!
A couple of times, the girl I'm more used to popped out of her mouth. There were surprised, pleased expressions from the adults, but M looked almost like she'd been caught. I have not seen this around too many kids and it made me curious. Was she doing this to enjoy the children and try and fit in?
I like the term mirroring, which is a marketing and sales term. In a sense, you learn about the person you are working with and mirror their approach or beliefs or feelings in a show of understanding and similarity with the person. It is very affective in sales, and I think many of us do this in our relationships, as well. It doesn't seem like a stretch to say we market ourselves to others. You need only think about clothing, hair and makeup to get a start of how we all do this. It's not as self-centered as this sounds, either. The goal is largely to make the other person feel comfortable in the interaction, and finding common ground to talk about. Simply put, it's being friendly.
When we first heard M was gifted, we were told that girls often "dumb down" to fit in. I think the term has very negative connotations, but agree that it happens. In fact, I think there are positive aspects to it. M has as much fun playing with preschoolers as anyone. Clearly, her cognitive abilites surpass preschoolers, but I adore her exuberance as she plays with preschoolers! She flocks to them and they love her. When they talk, it's often as many sound effects as words, and she's certainly not talking about longitute or altitude with them ;)
To prove my point about it being a positive thing, I offer an example of someone who cannot do it at all. Sheldon, from the Big Bang Theory (a TV show). This character is brilliant on at least one level. There are many level where he is not at all intelligent, however. It's part of why he's hysterical and why so many love the show and laugh so hard! A more realistic/everyday illustration might be hobbies. I enjoy needlework and have a group of friends who are interested in doing a lot of crafty things. However, my husband would rather be just about anywhere else when we start doing that. When I want to hang out with him, we get together with people and play fun board games or just hang out and have a meal. It's just that simple. Another example from the opposite end came from a friend who recently told me she was visiting a monastery and started talking about evolution . . . she was very glad they were under vows of silence and that she couldn't read their thoughts when it sunk in!!!
Here's the footnote for me. M needs a place where she can be with kids that do want to talk about latitude and longitude as if it were everyday conversation for everyone, as well as the other places. It's a big part of her, and I have seen the impact of having those kids in our lives - it's amazing and critical to her happiness and development. However, I still plan to enjoy watching her play with preschoolers with young, innocent abandon. I want to make sure she gets enough of both. I have also been putting things in place so that I get enough time with other people who share my passions. Part of being a good mother is setting a good example, so I have started to embrace hobbies that make me smile again. It doesn't have to be about deep or heavy things. Sometimes it's about knitting a scarf :)
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