As I'm arranging carpooling for some Fall activities, this topic is on my mind, and has me giggling with amusement.
M doesn't like carpooling. I'm glad she has told me, but we will still be carpooling.
Let's face it. Interacting with other individuals can be irritating and complicated. That's part of the reality of being human. None of us are immune.
I know a lovely woman who is one of the most warm, tolerant people I have ever met. She will not get in the car without her son having 2 books, "because what if he finishes one?!"
When I heard this, I laughed really hard and felt very relieved to not be alone.
M likes quiet in the car, which is ironic. She never stops talking. Not just in the car, either.
When we have to drive in the morning, I am grumpy. I know I am not alone in this. Grumpiness is most common in the morning, second only maybe to driving in traffic. I'm guessing - this is not a scientific statement. It rings true, though, doesn't it?
We did some carpooling to 4H events this summer, and there were siblings riding with us. Siblings fight. It's part of being a sibling. M is an only child. She's adapting, but sibling fighting still upsets her sometimes. Siblings fight in the car, too.
In one instance, the siblings were being particularly irritable with each other. I had another I'm-Not-Alone moment when the mother, also riding with us, suggested putting an audio book on for them.
As Fall approaches, we will be in the car a lot more. More of our in-person activities are during the school year, and some of them are quite a distance. They are worth it, but the car time is still something I plan ahead for and get stressed about.
My solution this year was to stock up on audio books from the library and try some different ones, so we'll have something to look forward to in the car. I keep 2 in there, too, just in case we finish one, lol.
One activity we are new to carpooling, since we moved this calendar year. I am grateful to have a carpool. The decreased driving, reduced emissions, reduced gas cost, etc. are wonderful! M believes in all those things, too. She still seems wary however.
"Just as long as it's a quiet carpool," was her initial response. Pause for internal hysterical laughter on my part! I told her that we didn't know, and that it was going to happen either way.
Then, I talked to my husband. He suggested having coffee with the other drivers before the start so we could give them a heads up and M would not be grilled with questions.
While I understand his concern, this may not happen. It simply may not be possible. Besides, M is who she is and will have to learn to react to a variety of responses to her unique situation.
I did, however, have to disclose that she cannot ride in the front of the car. This is not something I anticipated being part of the atypicality of our lives. The place she's going, at that time, does not offer classes for her age. So, I had to let them know that she is small and young as a logistical concern.
Will I ever get used to this? Every time I think I'm close, I get surprised again.
I don't know how this is going to work, but I am grateful to have a carpool arranged, and to have M experiencing this part of life that is so much a part of so many lives in this area.
I am also grateful to have her around people who are not part of her "special population." I think in an effort to feel included, we sometimes insulate ourselves too much. This can lead to thinking about people as "us" and "them" even when that is not our intention.
My husband and I intentionally put ourselves out there. We want people to feel loved and appreciated and respected. That sometimes means that people who consider themselves part of a description that we ascribe to, disagree with our decisions. In extreme cases, we are rejected for attempting to be inclusive.
I will continue to try and be inclusive. For carpooling, I simply disclosed that she is small and young, but a HS student, adding only that it's a long story. This was acknowledged in a way that seems positive and encouraging. I responded yet again in a way that downplayed the differences, saying that it's like anything else - it has pros and cons.
I'm not going to apologize or explain myself or M to everyone. M is a HS student. Yes, she is small, because she takes after her mother. Yes, she is young. That's simply when she was born. If people assume we are snobs, then that's their impression. We cannot control their heads.
We can control ourselves. We can show interest in other people's interests, and appreciate all sorts of things in all sorts of people. We choose to focus on loving people. Hopefully, by accepting ourselves and loving ourselves and our differences, we can encourage other people to accept and love differences in themselves and others. That is also M's goal. I am so proud of her for that.
Isn't it amazing what arranging a carpool can bring up? I wonder what it would be like to have a simple life . . . Does anyone really have that?
No comments:
Post a Comment