I will start out by saying that I am not an expert, doctor, or any other kind of authority on the topic of autism. My experiences are those of the parent of a high gifted girl and the ways that intersects with the topic of autism. By no means do I claim to be perfect or speaking to every situation.
The topic of autism and giftedness came up in a conversation with friends who also have highly gifted children last night, and I've been pondering it ever since. To my knowledge, non of their children have autism.
"I've worked with autistic kids before, so I have a lot of knowledge about how to interact with her."
This was in an e-mail from a teacher working with my girl. I never said she had autism. In fact, she isn't, and she's been tested. She is very literal, extremely conerned about rules, highly anxious, and asynchronous in her development. I was annoyed that the teacher assumed to be so knowledgeable, but I was not angry. Other people got angry.
When I mentioned this to our friends last night, there was silence, which is EXTREMELY odd when those three families are in the same building. The expressions were those of stunned, confused and incredulous adults. Then another dad said that made no sense, shaking his head as if to dislodge a fly.
"Is she . . . . . on the spectrum?" was another teachers response to me - it was a drama teacher.
At least this woman was cautious, uncomfortable and honestly asking, rather than the conceited assumption that she was correct in her wondering. I said no, but acknowledged that she has some symptoms that might seem like it. She apologized and was genuinely interested in engaging my child in her class. As the dad last night would quickly point out, M has other habits and personality traits that are completely against the idea of autism. However, when she feels unsafe about acceptance, etc, she gets quiet, so those are less obvious at those times.
In that case, I had insisted that M take a drama class. I feel that learning to perform in front of people, to control expressions and actions to an end, and to control yourself under pressure are life skills. Since M is not interested in performance related activities, I do require this from time to time in order to make sure she's getting the experiences I feel are necessary, as her mother and her homeschooling principal. She hated it. It was only a few weeks, however, and she accepted that I don't require her to do many things she genuinely dislikes that much, so she was compliant.
A girl who was very loving toward her was also in this class. That girl is an incredibly gifted actress, and has gotten interest and audition invitations from Disney. Their interest levels are VERY different. In an attempt to cheer M up and simply be friends with her, she had put her arm around M's shoulder and encouarged her into the classroom, standing beside her and just trying to be friends as tween girls do.
Unfortunately, the act of an arm around the shoulder does not feel friendly to her, especially when it is speeding her progress toward something she doesn't like. Her response to those situations is to shut down and almost freeze. This is basicly what she did in that class.
Isn't it interesting how this came across to the teacher? I'm an analytical person, so I can sometimes separate myself from the emotion of it.
The discussion last night was about a child I have never met, who has recently been diagnosed with autism. The school noticed that he plays alongside other kids rather than with them, most of the time. That is the basis of the discussion from last night.
He was diagnosed because of playing alongside rather than with other
kids at school. His mother and I have a mutual friend, so I heard about it.
Guess what happened when her kids visited with him? There was no
alongside. This precious child was engaged for hours and hours playing
with the other kids. Those kids are highly gifted. They are
asynchronous, so parts of their play may look young & parts may seem
detailed to the extreme. They are wired differently. They are not
better than anyone else. They are not worse than anyone else. They are
simply different.
Play is supposed to be fun. If it is not, it's not effective play. Why should we assume there is a right way to have fun that fits every child? There isn't for adults . . . .
M played alongside other kids for a VERY long time. Part of it is that highly gifted kids play so differently.
I remember the first day that one of our friends brought her kids to the coop that is the first place we felt at home. The mom went outside with kids who were going to play predator and prey. As soon as she saw it, she decided it exemplified giftedness in play. Instead of just using predator and prey as the categories, they gave examples of animals that they were playing, then another kid would announce they were an animal that would prey upon it. Yet another kid would say they were a type of prey that is actually poisonous to the predator in question. I cannot give you the specific examples they used that day because they honestly know a lot more about animals than I do. Those kids used the specific names and types in their play.
When is the last time you heard about that at recess at a school? Might that be why they play alongside? If they like playing that way, might they get bored if they were forced to simplify all the time? Might they get ostracized for being themselves in a school environment?
In our society, which expresses so much concern for individuality being respected, gifted kids are not being shown the same level of passionate support. They are being labelled as someone with an ailment to be treated. I don't understand why. Do we think that people really only are different from each other once they turn 18? Do we believe that people only deserve respect once they are legally adults?
The legislation about special education in the 90s included giftedness when it didn't get passed. Giftedness was removed from the accomodations, and then it passed. Does that upset anyone else? Are those people less important?
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