Giftedness is scary

"Dan.  I'm worried about him.  It's not right that a 13 year old knows as much as he does." ~ Amy Cahill . . . .  "I hear you.  Atticus already knows more than I will in my entire life.  It's scary.  On the one hand, he's a little kid [11 years old].  On the other hand, he's a supercomputer with two legs." ~ Jake Rosenbloom
~ Shatterproof by Roland Smith - Cahills Vs Vespers Book 4

Giftedness is scary.  I have yet to meet a parent going through this adventure who is surprised to hear me say this.  Enthusiastic agreement is the usual response, actually.  I think the above exchange captures it, even though parents are not involved and it is fiction.

The truth it, I wish M did not know so much.  Some of the amazing volume of information is simply fascinating.  However, some of it requires her to wonder about information that she would not otherwise encounter at her age.  Unfortunately, this has not changed, and I don't anticipate it ending until her adulthood, if then.

Not only does she have a lot of information, she has an amazing imagination.  This sounds like a wonderful thing.  However, it's a mixed bag.  Yes, she imagines wonderful, entertaining, fascinating and valuable things.  She also worries about things that her same-age peers would not be contemplating for lack of awareness.  She experiences the scary side of giftedness.  She has the intellectual capacity to understand information far beyond her emotional ability to process information.

Just last week, M told me, "I used to have nightmares every night.  It's been a while since I've had one."  While I was relieved to hear that she is sleeping soundly, as she emotionally matures, I was also sad for my baby girl.  She went through YEARS of nightmares every night.

She's always been fascinated with biology.  Because of that, she has had intimations of diseases and dysfunctions that are often unimportant but can be quite serious.  She had the intellect to extrapolate and understand the potential dangers.  However, she did not have the emotional maturity or the life experience to temper her fears.  She still will not look at the anti-piracy warnings at the beginning of DVDs.  This began years ago, and she was worried that she might accidentally get into big trouble, since she was not sure how piracy might happen.  For months, she left the room whenever a movie was started.  That is the effect of some of the asynchronous development of these children.

Like Jake Rosenbloom. I am intimidated at having responsibility for a child with so much information.  I have been accused by many, including a children's pastor, of pushing her too hard.  I regret to admit that I was guilty of the same kind of impressions of others before learning how much I still had to learn.  The truth is, I am being dragged behind this speeding supercomputer on two legs, trying to keep it together.  Stopping is not a healthy option.  All I can do is my best to facilitate her journey.

Most parents are concerned with the emotional development of their children.  With the asynchronous child, it is more complicated.  There are countless books of advice and research on raising children, considering their emotional needs.  A very small percentage of these address the asynchronous child.  Many parents joke that they need an owner's manual for their child, but the grain of truth is there, since the books sell so well.  There is less support and information available for these atypical children.

I often say that I am the dumb one in our family.  It's mostly a joke.  However, there is evidence that intelligence range is largely hereditary.  As a woman who believes in Scripture, I believe that God gave us the perfect child for us, and gave M the perfect parents for her.  I often think He overestimates me.  It's scary.

A psychiatrist told me a story from his recent vacation.  They were in a cutesy souvenir shop and saw a decorative sign that said, "It's all about family."  His companion was also a psychiatrist, and they shared a joke about how they interpreted that statement, but they believe it.

It's a serious responsibility.  I do not take it lightly, and that makes it scary, whether or not I feel like my daughter is smarter than I'll ever be.  That impression changes hour by hour, in case you were curious. . .

My daughter will have scars from her parents.  Her parents have scars from their parents.  The pattern continues indefinitely.  We admit to her that we make mistakes, and we hope that we will do our best and always work with her.  Our constant effort is to gather the best information available, use the resources we can find, and make the best choices we can.  When something doesn't work, we adjust.  When something works, we exhale, and hope it keeps working for a while.

Giftedness is stereotypically associated pride and arrogance.  I would argue that terror is as common.  Wishing you many nights of deep, calm sleep - free of nightmares.