Recently, we joined another homeschool group. This one is not specifically aimed at gifted kids, which means it has a more awkward beginning.
I'm picturing sneers and judgemental parents with expressions that say, "You think your kid is better than my kid?!"
NO!!!!!! A million times. no.
That is why it is awkward. That is why we filter - see the post about filtering and gambling for more on that. Actually, that topic shows up all over the place on this blog, so close your eyes and pick.
In a recent conversation with a teacher who has taught within the gifted circles and was also teaching in the general homeschool circles, I was reminded that there is a grain of truth in every stereotype. This particular teacher was guarded with me at first, but entered into a productive conversation about how there are examples where it is clear that some parents within gifted circles have big heads. I reminded this teacher of the obvious truth that there are people outside of gifted circles with big heads, also.
He said it was refreshing when someone was gifted and humble at the same time. He seemed intentionally vague about whether or not he meant me, but I don't care. I pointed to my child nearby and told him that she was that refreshing example, and I didn't want that to change. I told him those were my absolute favorite kind of people, and his expression softened.
I would like to suggest that meeting these people happens far more often than people think. Joining this new group gave me another poignant example, and it happened while I met another parent of a gifted child. Isn't it interesting that three mothers of gifted children were all talking and not one of them was pompous or even quick to talk about their unusual circumstances? Zero for three.
This is how it evolved.
I walked in and saw a girl from a coop we are both in. She started chatting with another girl, and it was obvious to all that these girls are going to have a lot of fun together, even though they had just met.
I was gathering information at a table when the mother of the second girl introduced herself to me. This mother, like most homeschool parents I have met, was anxious for information and excited about resources available in this adventure. As we talked, the uniqueness of our children came up. I was intentionally evasive, wanting to be known for who we are and not our labels. The other mother respected that.
As we talked, it became clear that this new mom was motivated to find more resources, such as another coop. The mother I already knew joined the conversation, and it was clear that we all were going through a similar journey.
I changed my mind and told her exactly what our special concerns are, and what our other coop is all about. I thought she was going to jump out of her skin with excitement. She had been looking for something like that for her daughter, as gifted kids have a very complex social journey. Her excitement at meeting 2 families in this place who share so many similarities was palpable.
Humble gifted people want to be included outside gifted circles, and are hesitant to point out differences. They have past experience of being judged based on stigmas about giftedness. This new mother had experienced the same things and had been hesitant to share her information to me, as well. She had the same reasons. She simply wasn't connected with the same resources and support network . . . not yet. Today, she is.
In this case, those who are very loudly trying to perpetuate awareness and understanding for giftedness have had the opposite effect. It is very difficult to locate other gifted families in the general population unless you have a lot of information. We tend to not talk about it. We are isolated by the stigmas. Our children are isolated by the stigmas. See the post They get Lonely and Hurt and So Do Their Kids for more on that.
Very small can be a description of my character at times. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. I get very jealous of parents who can test the waters of a potential playdate friend by talking openly about interests and quirks, such as loving dance, being gaga over a particular band, or wearing only one color. My daughter's intensities are not about a typical hobby or activity, and she does not have a favorite color. The things that make her uniquely her are things that often get us both judged unfairly. For more on my struggles with envy, see the post on Envy and Snobbery.
It IS unfair, as my daughter feels that she is no better than anyone. I told her that unfortunately, people sometimes assume that's what we think when we talk about giftedness. She said, "I don't feel that way at all! In fact, I feel the opposite!" I had to stop her there and tell her I didn't want her to feel the opposite. She wasn't less important than anyone else, either. "God loves everyone the same. Everyone is equally important," she said. I agreed. This is not a mantra she got from me. It is her belief and her own mantra.
Today, I'm feeling blessed as I reflect on meeting our new friends. I am thankful that we were able to talk about the similarities in our families, and I hope we can all enhance the support each family and individual feels through the connections. It also makes me laugh when I remember how awkward it all was.
Here's hoping your day and life is full of individuals that make you feel comfortable being your true self, support you, and share the adventures life bring to all of you. Life is richer connected.
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