I've noticed a trend that doesn't get a lot of press. In fact, it gets even less discussion than gifted kids and their educational needs. That is the topic of gifted adults.
People who have read through this blog may have seen my mention of how I accredited M's intelligence to her father, only to hear that it's hereditary and people stastically marry within 5 IQ points of their own. Sure, I was in advanced classes in school, but never considered myself to be outside of the normal spectrum.
Here's the problem with that. As I learn more about my daughter, I learn more about myself. For instance, having to repeat myself makes me unreasonably angry more quickly than it does other people. This fits within giftedness. It's the same as a child's inability to tolerate the number of repetitions in the public school.
Most adults who are gifted, simply think they are strange, or a nerd, or different, or socially awkward . . . pick a reason, and someone has boiled it down to that, I'm sure. This stops people from understanding themselves fully or being comfortable with themselves or finding others who accept them as they are. This is something I have mentioned about children, but it applies to adults, as well.
One gifted woman I felt drawn to over the last few years is R. She is married to an obviously brilliant man. She has a son who is obviously highly gifted. She knows my daughter and did not believe me when I first told her my observations, aside from those related to her husband.
After a while, she experiences some of the terrors (AKA gifts) of mothering a gifted child and started to acknowledge that aspect of her child. She still refused to believe that she is gifted. I refused to let her lack of agreement change my opinion ;)
After more months passed, she ran across some reading about people who are highly gifted and have the other label that R does. She acknowledged that her earlier reading about the other label has only ever fit partially. She didn't see the descriptions of highly gifted individuals as a good fit either. However, when she read about people with both, it fits her perfectly.
Through this, she is better able to understand her methods of interacting with those around her, including her gifted child. It gives her resources and explanation of some of the quirks that are part of her world. It gives her more of a framework for understanding herself. It's freeing.
Another example I ran across is actually the vision therapy doctor that my daughter sees. This woman is so obviously gifted that when we were having a conversation, I honestly thought she was kidding when she said she didn't think she was gifted. I scoffed, thinking we were bantering and assured her she was. I honestly forgot about it.
A couple of weeks later, she timidly asked me into her office, referring to something I had said. I got a bit nervous, hoping I hadn't offended her unintentionally, and I was a bit bewildered. Once inside her office, she lowered her voice and thanked me for telling her that she is gifted. She had already read a few books and said she learned that I was right. Duh! Seriously, that might have come out of my mouth, but I'm not sure. The reason she asked me into her office was to thank me and ask for more information to digest and learn about this aspect of herself. She also told me that she now understands why she interacts with her husband the way that she does. It's amazing how much of our lives this wiring difference affects!
I also think these two women are great examples of how highly gifted people are not people who think they are better than anyone else. Neither of them assumed they were gifted. They both felt different, but in ways that made them self-conscious to one degree or another. The difference is how they are wired, and how their brains process things. They did not grow up hearing they were gifted. Theyt did not believe they were better than anyone else. They are simply different and never knew how to describe it before. Now that they understand it, they are ravenous for information about it.
I am lucky to have found so many people who tolerate or even celebrate the ways that I and my family are quirky and different. Understanding and connection are key ingredients to a happy, fulfilled life!
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