I've been neglecting this for a long while. For those of you who know what's been going on in my life the last few years, the most succinct explanation is that I've been busy being a homeschool mom and spending more time being an aunt to some amazing adults. That time is something I cherish, but the journey is still on & I am still the mother of an atypical child.
We have now been homsechooling and allowing M to learn at her own pace for over 6 years . . . . officially. Christmas Break was when we started when she was 7 years old and we pulled her out of the middle of 1st grade.
Now, we have a teenager. An amazing teenager who is going through all the normal young teenager challenges and experiences and adjustments that all humans go through in their own way. She has also decided to put off college as long as possible, which has been a relief to our whole family, but definitely her choice. And it's going well. She'll simply have a lot of "extra classes" in a variety of areas and be able to explore more topics to help her decide on a path that makes her happy in her future life.
The last couple of years we have had less obviously atypical situations. There are more and more times where I can go out and have giftedness not be part of the experience. It's been wonderfully peaceful.
There are occasions where someone notices and gets excited and goes off on their own tangent, no even hearing my girl's response . . . recently, a former schoolteacher we ran across doing everyday business . . . .
"You could be the first female president," to which M's eyes got wide and she said, "My friend would be much happier in that role. I don't want my hair to go gray all in one year," lol . . . . The woman didn't even hear her respond and continued along the political options line of suggestions . . . After trying to respond politely to the woman 2-3 times, my girl looked at me and silently sent the message, "Please make her stop talking." Fortunately, a woman we know better was there & stepped in, saving me the trouble and refocusing the conversation on me, telling her what a great mom she thinks I am. This woman has been a super supportive person in my life, obviously. . . .
We run across conversations like that all the time.
Could she go into politics? Her brain could certainly handle the information, but it would make her miserable. It's simply not a good fit for her personality, just like anyone else. The message she gets is that because she can, she should. That's what we're dealing with now.
Fortunately, we have a community of people who are supportive of her leading the way, as she always has. When she was younger, she seemed hungrier and more drawn to speedy progress. Now, she's focusing more on relationships, hobbies, expressing herself with her hairstyle & clothing, etc. M is not superficial, but she is growing up and learning and exploring herself in a different way than she used to. Most of the influential people in her educational life now compliment her maturity in knowing that she doesn't want to rush into a college situation. I love that they are supporting her in this change. It seems respectful, and honoring that they are listening to her & taking it seriously.
And today, the big new thing was getting a slime recipe from her friend and making glitter slime from the new "messy" pikmi pops. If you're not following, just picture the annoying gift filler that's metallic and never goes away no matter how much you vacuum. It comes with these toys & goes everywhere . . . . yay? I digress. The point is that she's still the age she is. Every day is not full of super advanced stuff, but fun stuff that is age appropriate is mixed in regularly, whenever it appeals to her.
In all this, I have gotten comfortable. It's not as constant a project as it was 6 years ago. I am much more comfortable. M also has found more generic answers to people when they ask about educational stuff. We avoid it gently in many situations and now we can get away with it much more often.
Here's the problem with that. There are still many people dealing with the journey in a way closer to ours 6 years ago than now. I want to support them. I also received SO much support and wonderful sounding boards from those with children older than mine. I feel I should pay it forward in whatever way I can. And I want to . . . . most days. Other days, I want to stay comfortably out of it.
I remember thinking that giftedness needed a poster child. That things like ADHD, Autism, Gifted Athleticism, Advanced Artistic ability, and many more areas are celebrated. I still feel like giftedness is seen as pushy parenting and/or conceit. It's a neuroatypicality not unlike some of the things listed in the beginning of this paragraph. It's a need and a want of the child, not the parent. Maybe the parent, as well, but for this parent, not so much. I love my child, so I support her the best way I can, which means dealing with giftedness.
Another person shared similar feelings recently. I don't want anyone to imagine that this blog and my daughter or the facebook information and that child, are templates of giftedness. They are all individuals with different needs and patterns. There are many similarities, tho. As I read this, it took me back and resonated with me. We attended the same coop with this family for a time, although I don't know them really . . . . I am proud of this mother for having the courage and motivation to put it out there. She will be judged and she knows it, but believes it's important enough to do anyway. Hopefully, it will help people think about these often lonely situations and consider the fun parts, as well. Please be cautious about making assumptions. Try to understand and support these families. Like my family . . . .
https://www.facebook.com/ElliottRobbTanner/posts/154453705251857
When people tell me it must be easy, I tell them it's terrifying and wonderful. It's a huge responsibility, and an exhausting position to be in. Consider that Einstein & the Unibomber are both examples of giftedness, and quite different from one another. Ability is one thing. Good outlets for your gifts are quite another. And providing healthy outlets for those abilities and appetites can be daunting. It is also very important. I wonder what amazing things these people will do later in life. Some may be very publicly visible. Some may not. The more love they feel, the more positive their impact is likely to be. . . .
And that applies to people in all special interest groups. Feeling loved and supported is critical and transformative. We try to connect with people in different situsations, believing that genuine interest will lead to unity and strength among people . . . please join us in loving and supporting this variety in people. How boring would it be if we were all the same, anyway?!
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