That phrase is the title of an Internet posting. When I read the phrase, I cringe a little. There is so much stigma and assumed pride (and not the good kind) in that kind of phrase. I think it's the word "than" that gets me. Maybe it's an oversimplification, but why can't we just be different and have that be OK?
When it comes up that M's IQ is higher than many, some assume it means that we are saying "better than" which we absolutely are not. Ever! I know of some examples of people with high IQ who I definitely value less than some with lower IQs - this is not about the value of the individual. It is about the way they process information.
When they are talking about this, they are not calling anyone dumb or stupid in the article. This is not about degrading anyone else. Everyone has value. Everyone.
This is the section of that article that resonates with me most, however:
In her book The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius, Mary-Elaine Jacobsen writes, “To feel like an outsider, to constantly pressure yourself to hold back your gifts in order to fit in or avoid disapproval, to erroneously believe that you are overly sensitive, compulsively perfectionistic, and blindly driven, to live without knowing the basic truths about the core of your being – too often this is the life of Everyday Geniuses who have been kept in the dark about who they are and misinformed about their differences.”
I am understanding myself better as I learn about my daughter. So much of what I am reading related to her life reminds me of my own.
Steve Jobs saw his father as smart, according to the article. I think his father was. If he could figure out anything mechanical, that is an area of intelligence that some people simply don't have. If his father had it, he was smart that way. I don't know what his IQ was, but I am uncomfortable about how the article portrays the parents of gifted children.
In my experience, most parents of gifted children feel like their kids are smarter than they are. I know I do frequently. However, I think it's a dangerous place to go. It's simply not true in a literal way. Not in my opinion, at least. I think there are a lot of the aforementioned Everyday Geniuses who are unaware of their label. It does not change who they are, but it does affect how they process things and function. I meet so many families where I can clearly see the similarities, yet they say things like "I don't think of my children as gifted." (a real life example from the last couple of weeks), and I felt the same way. I simply didn't know.
As test scores go, my husband has a higher intelligence than I do. However, when it comes to mechanical things, I tend to be the more successful one in many instances. Add the gender stereotypes to this and it makes for an uncomfortable situation at times. Does that mean I'm dumb? No. Does it mean he is? No.
I was involved in a few conversations recently about how some parents who choose to stay home and/or homeschool are seen as wasted potential. It's a reality in some cases. One of the amazing women I've been getting to know better completed med school. She is at home with kids and homeschooling. I do NOT consider that wasted potential. She is investing in the future in every possible way. However, I know another woman in a similar situation who would not consider making the same decision, despite being advised that her children have a similar need by an educational psychologist. Why? I'm sure she would disagree, but quite simply, it's pride and fear. She feels she needs to use her medical degree, and is proud of her accomplishment in that area. It's tied to her self-worth. The previous example sees her choice as a valuable one and feels she is using her medical degree in the health of her children and everyday life in many ways.
I have heard some talented writers talk about reactions to their choice to homeschool as wasted potential, as well. First of all, they are still writing. They are still working. I do not work for pay at this time, but many of homeschooling parents do. They have found a way to work and homsechool in one simultaneous lifetime. I am utterly amazed but them.
Here's what I want to know overall. Why would investing time and attention into children ever be seen as less important? Isn't that our future? Why on earth would we want people who are perceived as less capable to be the only ones working with our children? Seriously, even if we bought into all these stereotypes, doesn't that rub anyone else the wrong way?
If we want them in the best schools, headed for the best careers and in the best internships, why wouldn't we want them around the best people? However you define best, this does not make sense to me. I want my kid to have the best, just as others do. I define that as what makes her happiest, so long as it also leaves her functional in life, as far as paying bills, reading mail, and staying relatively healthy. This was our goal for her before we knew her IQ. Knowing her IQ was not our plan. Now that we do, our goal for her remains the same. All the IQ test did for us was help us understand how to facilitate that goal in her life.
Wishing you the freedom to pursue happiness in whatever way that presents itself in your life, and freedom from the pressure of any expectations that inhibit happiness.
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