Toys Are Overrated

When M was younger, I was convinced I was doing something wrong.  She didn't play with her toys.  Preschooleers are supposed to love toys.  I must be doing something wrong.

We found some things she played with a little bit, then they stayed on the shelf while seh did crafts or read books or sat around looking aimless.  I felt like a bad mom.  Maybe I was being too frugal.  I bought more toys.

Whenever she liked something, we went all out.  Everyone in the family pitched in at birthdays and Christmas to get her the theme toy that she had been playing with.  It didn't last long.  I decided I had overdone it and ruined the enjoyment of that toy.  I would have to do better next time.

After a while, I decided she must be really tired and just wanted to do art and watch movies.  I bought more movies.  I happen to love kids' movies more than M, so this was a less uncomfortable adventure for me.  However, she got bored of the movies, too.  It became another thing she'd sigh and accept, but not thoroughly enjoy.  Fail.  Again.

I recently heard a mom talking about a similar experience and it got me remembering.  After we figured out that giftedness had a lot to do with this dynamic, we bought as many used nonfiction books as we could carry at a used curriculum sale.

We snuck them into the basement and onto a bookshelf, then surprised her with it.  Finally, we got the reaction you'd expect on Christmas morning.  It was Timelife Books and Usborne books and National Geographic books, etc.  We had purchased almost everything science or animal related that we could find.  We were both shaking as our muscles barely made it to the car with our load.  It even took more than a week for her to read them all.  Seriously, that's like a lifetime supply for some kids.  Score.  Finally.

Emma Watson is quoted as saying something like, "Don't think you're stupid just because you don't like the things everyone else pretends to like."  I love that quote.  I felt like the temporary toy interest was very much like that.  I think M felt that she was supposed to like toys, listened to friends/classmates and latched on to that.  When it was ust her, however, she'd much rather have a book.  Only when we gifted her in an area of passion did she get excited.  That is obvious to me now, but took us a long time to figure out.

Even though I have some intelligence and am aware of (and even embrace) my idiosynchrosies as fun ornaments on my personality, I fell victim to the social norms.  Whether or not a person of any age is gifted or not, they need to feel free to pursue their passions.  So long as it's not destructive, I think anything should go.  As adults we do that.  Why do we treat kids differently?

So, am I having a contest to give away all those unused toys?  No.  M sold almost all of them (because I made her keep some) in a garage sale and used the money to buy pet supplies.  She has had no regrets & made a killing at that garage sale.  My niece thinks I got rid of all my daughter's toys.  She must think I'm the meanest mom ever. . .

The lessons I learned are:
1. Spending money on something the gift receiver isn't interested in is a huge waste of money.
2. Happiness is pursuing your passions.
3. Being like other people doesn't create happiness.
4. Being a good mom might look like something entirely different to an outsider.
5. People will judge.
6. I need to get over my insecurities and suck it up.
7. "Thou shalt not judge" probably means I shouldn't get all worked up about the judgement.

This was a good reminder just before the holidays as I'm tempted to enlarge the pile of presents. This year, our present situation is even more atypical than usual.  M is the one reminding us that we already have our big Christmas present - we got a new pet this Fall & the timing was better earlier, but it really was a Christmas present plan.  It was an awesome choice for the whole family.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.  Wishing you comfort & peace, relaxation & laughter.