I recently attended a fundraiser crafting day. If you have not attended one, they are fabulous! You are not a crafter, you say? Go anyway! I have a friend who attended a weekend crafting retreat with us and does not craft. It was a success for her. She relaxed, got away, and chatted with friends. If you are a crafter, it's a great way to get some uninterrupted time, with space to spread out in many cases, and a much smaller likelihood that children will demand your attention and interrupt the process every five minutes. I digress.
At the most recent event, I spent several hours enjoying the food that came with my ridiculously low all-day fee, and did not begin any "work" until after lunchtime. Between lunch and crafting, I was ushered back to a room for a free mini massage. In this case, a local chiropractic group was supporting the charitable group by offering these free of charg, a mini consultation for a small fee, and whatever next step you wanted to take. Everyone wins.
I happen to have a chiropractor, so I was not interested in that. However, I am not one to turn down having my shoulders rubbed! A few women I regularly attend these things with were there, but not in the massage room. As usual, within a few questions, I was led into that water where I wonder how much to reveal about our alternative educational situation.
Maybe I was just relaxed because I was in a massage chair, but I decided to say a little. I keep hearing how unusual our situation is, but am having increasing trouble believing that. This was another of those situations. A professional in the same office has a son who is twice exceptional, I was told. They were waiting until the school would do giftedness assessment, etc. If you're in the gifted circles for very long, you hear the same general story over and over. This was in a part of town where there is very little support evident. We live in a pretty large area, but pockets of it offer far more support for families like ours. So, I asked if the mother was finding resources and help. "No," was the immediate and simple response.
Obviously, the woman was having a very difficult time. Remember, this was her colleague I was talking to. I offered a few groups to look into and get more information. I was given a longer mini massage while we talked about our experience with M, and I was requested to leave my contact info and any additional information I would be willing to share. I covered the back of 2 letter-sized sheets. I'm sure you're surprised if this isn't your first time visiting this blog ;)
It got even better. Another crafter I had not met previously asked me what I was up to, and I reluctantly told her a little. She was sympathetic and supportive immediately! I get so prepared for the less helpful responses, that this was a very pleasant surprise. When I finally returned to the tables, my friend asked if I got lost, so I told her what had happened in a brief statement. She was enthusiastic about what a great thing it was that we had connected in that way. What a wonderful relief to be myself outside the sphere of our uniqueness and received such support and encouragement!
Quite a while ago, my husband and I were going through some difficult things unrelated to this blog's subject, in general. We felt all alone. We were afraid to share what we were going through, even with good friends. We were paranoid about how others might interpret what we said.
When we dared to speak, we learned that we were far from alone, and that others had remained silent for the same reasons. We found healing, support, and deeper relationships very quickly by opening up. At that point, we decided that people around us would not go through the same things believing themselves to be alone. That has become a major theme in my life - almost a mission. It takes courage to be different. Ironically, only in being bold do you learn how many people share the things that make you feel isolated. This effectively negates the boldness originally needed. I'm going to need to think about that more.
I want every child and every family to find educational and social solutions that work for them. That is my genuine desire. I care very little if they are the same answers that we have found. Well . . . for those who I really like, I want you to make the same decisions as us so we get to see more of you, but those are reserved for the situations that make me feel like a little kid in a variety of ways. Seriously, though, I want people to find their path. I encourage you to take risks, small at first, and feel emboldened with every connection you find through that courage. Then, you end up becoming the person who others feel blessed to have benefited from your boldness. The process will continue, just like paying it forward.
Embrace your differences! I am so glad we do not live in a world of paper doll garland people. Did you ever cut those? Every one of them is alike; you cut them from folded paper which makes them identical. They are as bland as restroom sign profiles of men and women . . . even more bland - the bathroom sign people have branched out, for which I am grateful.
Think about your favorite people. Are they just like you? Mine are not. Do they have important, deep, or exciting things in common with you? Mine do. If they were just like you in every way, would they be exciting? My answer would have to be no. When your parents said, "I hope you have kids just like you," was it to wish you peace and joy in that moment? The things that drive me crazy in my daughter are often the things we have in common. The things that excite me about her are the things that are different. With this in mind, why are we so quick to try and be just like everyone else in the paper doll chain?
Wishing you a fabulous Fall week ahead, filled with comforting seasonal smells, tastes and sights. Even the changing of seasons is something msot of us desire. There's that theme again . . . different is good.
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