False Assumptions vs Acceptance

The Gifted Kids' Survival Guide is a book that has been recommended to us several times, and we finally got a copy of it to M. She is loving it!!!! It has excited her about her own "special population" and helps her understand the biological differences, as well as references to a whole bunch of examples of people throughout history. It is written in more than one format, depending upon the age range of the child, and we highly recommend it. Reading that led to a discussion about social perceptions of giftedness and false assumptions by some that we view ourselves as more important than (or better than) other people, rather than different. I'm sure it is true of some of the population, and I believe the same egotistical belief is true of those outside of this particular group. We talked about how personality plays into the role that giftedness can have on a life, and how there is more than one right answer about how to approach life with giftedness, just as there is more than one right way without that particular consideration, in my opinion, at least. We talked for more than an hour conceptually about it, and it was a very rational, calm discussion from both ends. On my own, it reminded me of other conversations I have had recently with some close, trusted friends. The topic in that case was false assumptions based on financial status, whether perceived or real. Interestingly, the people who relate most closely to my experience with this come from the opposite end of the spectrum (please giggle - I don't like that phrase in general, so I HAD to apply it here) financially. All of us were unfairly judged in multiple ways by the financial situation we appeared to live in. Three women who I value as highly as anyone are all in different generations of life, and all have different living situations currently. Yet, all three of them share this experience with me, to one degree or another. The commonality we all share is that we were not accepted for who we are. We were judged by perception and stereotype, and it made us feel left out. The sad fact of the matter is that some of those stereotypes are there for a reason, however weak or strong the correlation. The exceptions to the stereotype end up feeling isolated because of their divergence from the stereotype as well as the fact that they are misunderstood and feel unknown, which I believe translates to loneliness. I think this relates directly to giftedness. I believe it is far more common than it is believed to be. I also believe there are many people within the population that diverge from the stereotypes and want, more than anything, to be seen as similar to everyone else. I think this is why I grieved so much when we first learned of the situation within our daughter's brain. I still have a hard time even thinking about my ultimate goal for her without crying, "that she would be normal and happy." Well, she is happy, even about the ways she is not strictly "normal." Back to the 3 amazing women I referenced. The one least seen by society as being an asset to me possesses the most of what I would like to be in the areas where I struggle the most. She is amazing, and I am so blessed to know her. Her life is not touched by giftedness, and yet our concerns and approach to parenting is so similar that we talk about our children openly and effectively all the time. Of the other two, there is the ability to relate to giftedness and the focus on what is so often mislabeled as "the other end of the spectrum." Yet, we all share the experience of having been misunderstood, of being interested in seeing each other as we are (and loving it), and of knowing what it is like to have been misjudged inappropriately in a similar manner, even if from opposite ends. Interesting, isn't it? Don't we all want to feel understood, accepted, wanted and valued? It amazes me how often people who feel undervalued are creating those same feelings in the ones they think are undervaluing them, whether or not there is any reason for the awkwardness to be there . . . Wishing you a holiday season surrounded by people who are interested in you for whatever you are, and hoping you will be someone to appreciate and look for who the people around you really are.