Perceptions, presumption, precociousness and pretense

The start of a new school year - wow!! It's been tricky to get into a groove the last few weeks, but we're getting there. In the meantime, I'll admit I've been grumpy. While I was thrilled not to be doing the traditional very-specific back-to-school shopping list, there have been few places we go that the curiousness of our situation hasn't come up, due to the increase in questions about school. While M gets mistaken for being younger than she is, it is more obvious this year that our situation is non-traditional as people ask why she is not in school on a school day. I enjoyed the summer break more than I realized, apparently. More recently, I was in an environment heavily populated with people from my past. The circumstances for the situation were wonderful, and I'm glad we went. M was determined to go with me. I braced myself for LOTS of uncomfortable conversations with people unfamiliar with the last year of our lives. Interestingly, there were hardly any. Seriously, this is VERY rare for a day outside our home, even if we are among strangers. I found that many people either found her precosciousness adorable enough that they couldn't resist hugging a girl they didn't know. They didn't, however, ask for details about our lives. I got questions about where we lived, assessing the size and value of our homes (I presume, as their following comments compared other homes to our area in these ways). I got many speeches about what other people's kids my age were now doing (with as many references to high-pride jobs as possible, or statistics are wrong). Not one person asked what I am now doing. There were many questions about my connections to other people there (or in their circles). After almost an hour, I bumped into a girl I used to know - the older sister to a girl who had been in school with my daughter for years. She's a sweetie and started interacting with us. Her mother turned, and I asked about her other children. I got very short answers (which is very out of character), and she shuffled her daughter away, without one question about my daughter, who had been a playmate and schoolmate to her daughter for years. I wasn't as surprised as you might think, since it was consistent with the woman's personality. However, I was shocked at the coldness. I was able to keep M's attention away from it, fortunately. She misses her old friends. For months, we made attempts to reconnect with several of them. Only 1-2 followed up with us or made plans. This, I believe, is the part that is most difficult to figure out. My husband and I are seen as braggers if/when we talk about our daughter. I'd love to be able to be a proud parent without that perception. Celebrating milestones is perfectly normal, such as finishing gradeschool, among other things. However, since M is hitting milestones earlier, we're seen as proud in the sense of bragging, rather than in the sense of being appropriately appreciative and supportive of our daughter. This is one of the reasons I'm so excited to get back to our coop. I love that we can be around those people, express pleasure and express concern without the severe judgement that we encounter so often . . . It makes me sad, especially as I see so much in the media about being tolerant, appreciating and accepting differences, etc. I feel like our situation isn't included in the effort. At the risk of ruining my recently-earned reputation for being joyful, I bid you good night on that note. Hope your school year is off to a fabulous and fun start, no matter what your situation includes!!!