Thanksgiving - feeling conflicted

Most people and families have many traditions around the holidays.  I know our family always has.

As my girl was growing up, we would watch both of the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving specials, including the historical account that presented facts and dates and showed kids helping with the work as the people settled, and I felt like I'd succeeded in keeping it from being just turkey and football.

I no longer feel that I did enough.  I didn't think enough.  I didn't talk enough.  Or maybe I simply didn't start as early as I wish I had . . .  there remains time for change as long as I draw breath.

The idea of Thanksgiving is a beautiful one.  It's focused on gratitude in many circles, and people feel really empowered when they boycott businesses that make employees work on Thanksgiving, making it more materialistic.  That practice, while embracing our power to interact with companies and express our views still misses some critical parts of Thanksgiving, I'm afraid . . .

Our family has a tradition of the oldest generation putting on "programs" for most events and holidays.  While they are well-intentioned and generally thoughtfully done, I have had a hard time with some of them.  I had an idea that I really wanted to share with the family that I love very much.  Via phone call, I asked if this could be the approach to the program this year, really wanting to hear the many different approaches in the family and invite others to wonder with me.  I was refused.  I'll admit that offended me.  I dealt with my disappointment privately and with my husband, and I landed here to move forward with it.

I still want to invite others to wonder with me and/or share their wonderings.  This exercise really got me to put more thought into this season than I had in a long time.  So, I'm sharing this here, and asking for input from anyone interested in genuinely wondering with me.

Recently, I was thinking about Thanksgiving and not in a hot topic kind of way, but just wondering.  I can go pretty deeply into wondering.  When I thought about how different the European settlers were from myself (and that is my general genetic background), I realized that their way of life is as different from my own as the natives in the land at that time would have been . . . .  It got me to thinking.

At the time of the first Thanksgiving, there were no American citizens, so I thought of these groups as Europeans, meaning the settlers that were transplanting from Europe, and the Native people, meaning those whose ancestors were already living in this land when the Europeans arrived.

To set the scene in my head, I thought about their backgrounds:

Clothing - Natives using natural elements at hand, which often meant animal products from the food they hunted, and designing garments for functionality of lifestyle.  The Europeans were more concerned with modesty that aligned with their faith, and were used to more fabric being used and footwear that left very different markings on the ground.  The natives were focused on moving as silently as possible while hunting and avoiding rival trives, and the Europeans had come from an area with paved paths and roads, etc.  When they met, I wonder if the Europeans were scandalized by the native's fashions, or maybe even jealous of the realtive comfort compared to their own clothing.  I wonder if the natives were bewildered at the European fashions and if the women's skirts made noise as they walked from the length of the clothing and the style of the footwear.  Perhaps the different colors of cloths were fascinating and desireable in the eyes of some of the natives.  Maybe they seemed fancy, or frivolous, or even simply alien to each other.

Housing - the Natives often lived in tents made from hides which were easy to transport, great for camoflage, and minimalist in nature.  The Europeans, while feeling very rustic compared to European cities, were building log cabins, which are permanently set.  Both groups lived in close proximity for collaboration and protection purposes, so they had this in common.  I wonder if it would have seemed like a commonality to the people at the time . . .

Hunting - Natives tended to move quietly and get close to prey, using spears and arrows as weapons for huting for food.  The European traditions often involved riding on horseback, using dogs to scare out the hunt, and firing with guns to hunt.  The approaches were so different for such a similar goal.

I wonder if the Europeans were afraid of the Native because of their ability to move so quietly.  It may have seemed sneaky compared to the customs they were used to.

I wonder if the Natives complained about the noisy neighbors to put a modern parallel to it.  Were they concerned about the permanence of the structures they were building?  Did they feel threatened, or fascinated or both?

Mothers and fathers in both groups, as well as younger people probably thought about the potential of intermarriage between the groups to some extent.  And most people have some native American genes if they are caucasian and living in North America, so there definitely was some joining of cultures.  I wonder if the younger people felt differently about it than the older generations?  I wonder if the different appearances were found to be attractive to some and unattractive to others - in both groups.

The reality before the events that were celebrated at the first Thanksgiving is this.  The Europeans were dying out.  Sickness and an inability to thrive in the new land combined for a bleak outlook.

Given that harsh reality, I'm sure there was dissention in both groups.  I wonder if some Natives felt that they shoudl let things be.  Some other cliches for this might be, survival of the fittest, let evolution decide, leave it to fate, let nature take its course, etc.  I wonder if some Europeans felt they should abandond some of their customs in order to better adapt to the land and increase their chances of survival?  They had a lot of time to watch, notice and think before decisions were made by both groups.

When the coordinator between groups began, I wonder how he felt.  Was he excited to practice his language skills?  Was he proud to be chosen?  Was he frightened or excited (or both) about teaching these people survival skills?  Was he concerned about his status among the Natives?  Did some honor him for his abilities?  Did some scorn him for helping the newcomers?  Were some Natives afraid he would spread the sickness threateninng the Europeans to the Native groups, and become a carrier of infection?  Did he feel like a part of one group, or both groups, or neither with this new role?

These questions are not addressed in the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving specials.  Perhaps noone living today knows anymore.

Here's where it gets less unbiased for me.  If that offends you, feel free to walk away & just stick with wondering about the questions already stated:

Before the first Thanksgiving, the Natives held the power.  They were the long-term residents in the area.  They knew how to live in the land, how to navigate it and how to keep their line going for future generations.  The Europeans were dying out. 

The Natives (or at least some of them) decided to help the Europeans.  Because of this, the Europeans survived.  They didn't just leave bags of corn by their dwellings, either.  They taught them farming and hunting techniques for long-term success in their new land, giving them tools to survive and thrive through future generations.

At the Thanksgiving Feast, I wonder if there was staring and then awkwardness as these groups were interacting more closely than before.  I wonder how interactions went when you consider the stoicism valued by the Natives, and I wonder if there were more cracks in it during this unique occasion.   I wonder if the Europeans were nervously laughing, if they held back in emotion, or if they were so grateful as to show more emotion than usual . . . . I'm sure there was a great deal of curiosity in both groups.

So this Thanksgiving, I invite you to think about it with fresh eyes and wonder what might have been.  What if the Natives had refused to help the Europeans seeking religious refuge?  I believe they would have died, and that includes some of my genetic ancestry.

Religiously speaking, my beliefs are categorized with that of the settlers.  I am a Christian believer, but that can mean many things, as we've seen over the last few years.  For me, the message "Do you love me, Peter?  Feed my sheep" being repeated is what goes through my mind as I think about Thanksgiving.  Who chose to behave according to Christian morals in this story?  It was the natives, who were sometimes called savages.  Or maybe it was all of the people in the story.  There is much we do not know.

They fed the settlers and taught them to provide for themselves.  I believe Christ would have chosen that, or maybe He did and was there.  I'm prepared to have many surprises when I get to speak to Him face to face.  Maybe that will be one of them.

I am glad that there was a celebratory feast, showing gratitude at that time.  It shows a friendship and humbleness.  I still love the idea of giving Thanks and focusing on gratitude during this season.

This year, however, the story is quite soured for me.  I realize that the dramatic changes since the first Thanksgiving haven't all happened in the last year, but they have hit me harder in the last year.  What have my ancestors done in the meantime?  What have people who I share a label or description with done recently and/or over the long run since that first Thanksgiving?

I know many individuals who are amazing, wonderful people.  I will NOT discount them.  I know many who care for the unfortunate, or the least & the lost to use the Christian phrase for it.  Some of those people consider themselves atheists, or Hindu or Buddhist or some other faith group.  In recent years, I've found that I relate most closely to those who choose kindness and love first.  This is supported by my faith through Scripture, even tho it may lead me toward some who do not share my faith and away from those who do share my faith, officially, at least.

I do not hate people.  There are ideas that I hate, however, and practises . . .  And those that are focused on hate or produce hate are pretty much the definition of what I hate.  So, apparently it exponentially increases the hate.  I don't want to focus on that.  I want to focus on love and kindness and trying to be the best person I can be.

So, this year, along with our Thanksgiving traditions, my immediate family has discussed this change in my perspective and feelings.  There is no disagreement between us.  It saddens us.  Among those at our larger traditional celebration will be those who feel quite differently from us.  I still love my family, but I will not cheer for them or get ugly in response to anything I see as hateful.  I will try to be logical, to stick to my beliefs and to respond appropriately when and if that presents itself. 

I am grateful to my family, all but one legal family member that I claim as family has chosen to accept me as family, not had me as family because of a birth.  And I have seen broken families that meant healthy change overall.  It isn't simple. 

However, right now, the most poisonous thing in our culture is division - at least in my mind.  There are so many things trying to divide people and groups, and worse . . . succeeding.  Politics can be hot topics, but I KNOW I can disagree with people about religion and still love them like crazy and have that be mutual.  I choose to believe that can happen about politics as well.  Isn't there a cliche about those things going together?  I have seen less acceptance of political differences than religious ones recently, and that saddens me, too.  We are stronger together.  That is both a Scriptural and a philosophical idea generally accepted in the world today. 

Join me as I try to be grateful and humble, even (or especially) in disagreements.  May your Thanksgiving be saturated with kindness and love both within and without.

Panic Attacks when things go smoothly & normally

Hello again & I hope that you are having a fabulous Fall as Spring registrations and planning begins many places!  I was just finalizing the last of my girl's Spring classes today and had a total panic attack.  It went smoothly.

I am laughing at myself as I type, and it didn't last too long, but it made me realize something else that people like me have in common, and that the average population is opposite.

If you're signing up for classes or activities, most people probably expect for things to go smoothly and quickly.  As a former operations management person, I definitely designed and ironed out systems to provide that smooth sailing kind of experience for managers, clients and workers relate to my various positions.

Today, I had 2 final classes to register M for.  I knew about how much they would cost, how the payment method works, since we've been going to this source for several years, and exactly which ones to sign up for, since they are continuations from the current semester.  I logged in, did a quick search, signed up & paid online.  It was fast, and there was no pause or error notice or warning.

That made me panic.

Whether you're here because you are part of the neuro-atypical or atypical learner community or because you are curious about the differences, I hope this makes you laugh. 

Should I send an e-mail to confirm that it actually worked correctly?  The directors are extremely overworked right now and probably wouldn't appreciate extra anything, even though they would be compassionate and polite.  No, I will not send an e-mail to check.

I pulled up the registration details in 3 places and on 3 different pages, tho.  Excessive?  OCD?  Perhaps. 

Here's the thing.  It was literally the first time I was able to simply sign up and pay.  Nothing more.

Remember me mentioning that we've been using this resource for years?  Are they disorganized or technically challenged you may be asking?  Nope.  They are quite organized.  They make mistakes like humans do, but with a surprisingly small percentage of their activities needing adjustment.

Their system operates simply by birth date.  So if the grade range for a class is where M actually is determined to be by our city (and different than I requested or the law originally determined), she is deemed too young for those classes.  Take into account that her science information is accelerated more than any other subject, and I definitely have needed age exceptions.  She doesn't like math, but is moving quickly through it because she loves science enough to make that effort.

So, for years, every registration opening date, here's the process I'm used to:
1. Log into the site, and pull up the class information.
2. Confirm which class and section we're interested in over the phone with a delightful woman who is very busy that day.
3. Log out of the system and feel guilty about taking up her time on one of her busiest days while the system adjusts.
4. Log back in, and pull up the class again to register and pay.
??? Sometimes repeat previous steps because the system decides she's still too young.
5. Wait patiently on the phone still feeling guilty as the nice lady restores the settings for the class.
6.  Repeat all steps for each additional class.

It feels like this - also appropriate for this season - read to the end if you don't see the connection.

This is why a smooth & quick registration caused panic attacks today.  I'm sure there are IT people out there who have an idea about how they'd do it differently, and I respect that.  However, this is not the only resource where I have had this experience repeatedly. 

Our educational systems are not set up to allow age exceptions, so that they don't have parents signing their children up for classes that are inappropriate for their kids.  And as the registration coordinator for a coop I saw evidence of why this is needed more often than I expected to.  It's a valid concern.

For today, I trying to feel grateful that everything went so quickly & smoothly.  To be fair, there is a paranoid voice in my mind even after checking for confirmation emails, which I did get.  Did it really work?!  Am I actually awake, or is this a dream?

To anyone trying to relate to this special population, thank you!!!!!

To all those living through this stuff with me, I get it.  Let's keep laughing, hoping for the best & only worry when our laughter starts to sound maniacal, lol.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!  Now go watch Snoopy battle the chair in the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special because that is more of a parallel to how I expected registration to go!