One of my greatest sadnesses about the situation M is growing up in is the impression that she needs to be careful and guarded in everyday interactions. This is not about politeness, and unfortunately, we have gotten burned when we have been open on various occasions.
A young woman we have known since before M was born recently moved back to the city, and she is in college nearby. This is someone M gave Christmas presents to, went to see in school plays and so much more . . . . When she was too young to be interested in sitting still long enough for plays and similar things, she would whenever this lovely lady was involved. Years earlier.
We were ecstatic to have her closer to home again, and M got excited to see her, then immediately hesitant. You see, she has completed about 6-8 grade levels since she last saw this young woman, despite it being a relatively short period of time.
My heart sank when I saw her expression shift. This has nothing to do with the young lady who moved back to town. She has been incredibly accepting and loving of M throughout her life, and has also been one of M's biggest cheerleaders throughout her life. She didn't react negatively to M's atypical situation, but she was unaware of the extent of the differences in our life.
M asked me to "warn" her on behalf of our family before they interacted again. This made me sad. M is incredible and feels no better than anyone else, but her differences make her feels like she shouldn't be proud of the hard work she has done or the things she has passionately sought.
In this country, many people are quick to say they appreciate and encourage diversity.
Let me as you this. In a country where we celebrate diversity and the strength that comes from connecting with a variety of people in our melting pot (politics aside), shouldn't a girl who simply loves learning and learn quickly feel comfortable expressing that? Especially to someone she has loved for years?
What does it say about us that she doesn't? What does it say about us when you realize that she is far from alone in this impression? What does it say that her parents are verbally attacked by strangers for "thinking she/they is/are better than others" when they don't actually think that?
Why does "different than" get interpreted as "better than" or "worse than" in this culture? Are we capable of being neutral in our differences?
What are we missing if we cannot?
I don't have answers, but wanted to ask the questions.
There are a lot of posts about women and girls and celebrating them right now. Why is it that far more girls than boys are uncomfortable admitting to their successes and accomplishments? Can this be addressed? What can you do individually? And let me state the obvious (to me) that I think boys should be comfortable with success, as well as girls.
A different young college woman I know did a great thing when encountering our differences. She knew M in a similar capacity to the one mentioned earlier, but not nearly as well. She said simply, "She should never be ashamed of being smart." And she meant it.
