In general, I love irony. Seriously, I do. People, however, are not always entertaining in their inconsistencies.
It has been a long time since my last post. I apologize for the long silence. I mentioned that we had a lot of drama in our lives. Multiple deaths and family estrangements add up to a heap of stress. This summer, I spent a great deal of time trying to heal and work through grief. M did some of that, as well, and my husband did more than M did (but less than I did). As the school year approached, I was not prepared to reenter the busier schedule of homeschooling and coops and sports. I wanted more time to heal. My wounds make me much more touchy about things that would otherwise be less irritating. I'm still raw.
I believe C.S. Lewis said something like "The best thing Christianity has going for it is Christians. The worst thing Christianity has going against it is Christians." I agree. I think it applies to other groups, as well.
In past posts, I've talked about the stereotypes of gifted children and gifted families and (pushy & proud, of course) moms of gifted kids. I think C.S. Lewis could adequately sum up those situations with only minor alterations to his quote paraphrased above.
We belong to two separate coops. Neither of them is religious in nature, and both of them meet in churches. One of them is a special interest coop for highly gifted kids. The other is an all-inclusive coop that M cannot wait to get to each week. We are very blessed to be a part of both of them. They are very different from each other & both are a good fit for M.
Both coops also have wonderful volunteers that sacrifice out of strong belief in and dedication to children and education. I briefly held a position at one of them, and it helped me appreciate these people all the more. They have a difficult job. Here's a universal truth noone likes: you cannot please everyone.
With an atypical child, I have run across many situations that were not a good fit for M. Some of those were great programs for other people we know. I try to be careful when talking about our decisions, and I try to be honest while keeping my focus on the fact that I am making decisions for M and that M is different than other children, so other children may need different arrangements. I hope I am mostly successful in this effort.
There have been situations where M has been accelerated, or put into a higher age bracket for a class. Some of these have been great fits, satisfying to everyone. Some of them pleased everyone but me. Some of them displeased a teacher, etc. Currently, M has chosen not to be accelerated in a subject that she loves with a teacher that she loves. Why? Because she wants to take some other classes that would not be possible if she took advantage of that teacher's invitation. Everyone has been (outwardly) accepting of the decision, and it seems to be working well for everyone involved.
Another family that we know is newer to homeschooling, newer to the knowledge of the gifted child concept, and . . . . apparently less careful about keeping their communication about themselves. Some more generalized comments have been made, interpreted as criticisms and there is a lot of stress in a lot of quarters over the situation. This is very difficult for me. I get very emotional about it.
Part of me wants to defend the family, as they are doing their best for a child with some similar struggles to my own. I see myself in the situation a while back. Part of me wants to defend the volunteers since I can relate to this, as well. The problem is that I disagree with the approach, and see people that I love and respect feeling very hurt by the situation on a regular basis. It is being posed as a "giftedness" thing. That includes us in the category, and it's a situation where I'd prefer not to be included.
When M was in a situation that didn't work out, we pulled her out. We asked if they could do anything about payments, but didn't make demands, and in many cases, never asked for specific numbers. Most of the time, the people/organizations were quite generous. They can't please everyone either.
If you cannot please everyone, then you cannot create a situation that will work for everyone. That is straightforward logic. This is where I think our culture needs to learn the art of ending well. Endings are inevitable. Nothing lasts forever. After losing so many loved ones in the last year this is very clear to me. However, I think few people are intentional and good at ending well. There will be so many endings in life that I feel this is something worth learning.
For example, the school system did not work for M (as readers of this blog know). The teachers were wonderful. She had delightful friends who just sat and cried with her, wishing they could help. The principal cried with me, wishing he could help. The school psychologist tried everything she could, trying her best to help. They wanted M to stay in school, and we wanted it to work for her. It did not work. So many individuals at that school taught me about ending well.
When we realized it wasn't going to work, we told M she had to finish the semester and "end well." We asked that she try and make it as pleasant for everyone as she could during the ending. We pointed out how many wonderful people had done so much to try and help, and she agreed. She saw the concern and care from those individuals, and I thanked them for their assistance and concern with tears in my eyes. I was and am grateful for them, even though it did not work in the end. I got some cards in the mail with Scripture on them, encouraging us in our decision. They were from teachers we knew to be Christian, but from a public school where they could not openly use Scripture, so the cards were sent anonymously. We had multiple teachers applaud our dedication to M in our decision-making, saying that our level of concern as parents meant that it would work out well for her. They were grateful she had us. That blew me away!
We ended school well. It was a great school, full of wonderful people. It did not work for M. If you are dissatisfied with something in your life, I encourage you to move on and try to end well. I believe it will make life better for so many people that want nothing but the best for you and yours. However, they are also bound to the universal truth that you cannot please everyone. They are not responsible for meeting every individual need, especially if they are volunteers in an organization that is not making money.
I enoucrage you to start something today. Practice gratitude by thanking those who are doing a job that you don't have to do yourself. Hug someone who is going through a hard time. Send a card (or flowers or something yummy to eat) to someone who could use a little cheer. Try to reperesent your various categories and groups (like Christian or gifted) in a way that communicates acceptance and encouragment and gratitude fo those both within and outside that description. Be kind to yourself and to others. Have a peaceful and loving weekend. You don't know how much time you will have. Spend it well.
