I've noticed a trend that doesn't get a lot of press. In fact, it gets even less discussion than gifted kids and their educational needs. That is the topic of gifted adults.
People who have read through this blog may have seen my mention of how I accredited M's intelligence to her father, only to hear that it's hereditary and people stastically marry within 5 IQ points of their own. Sure, I was in advanced classes in school, but never considered myself to be outside of the normal spectrum.
Here's the problem with that. As I learn more about my daughter, I learn more about myself. For instance, having to repeat myself makes me unreasonably angry more quickly than it does other people. This fits within giftedness. It's the same as a child's inability to tolerate the number of repetitions in the public school.
Most adults who are gifted, simply think they are strange, or a nerd, or different, or socially awkward . . . pick a reason, and someone has boiled it down to that, I'm sure. This stops people from understanding themselves fully or being comfortable with themselves or finding others who accept them as they are. This is something I have mentioned about children, but it applies to adults, as well.
One gifted woman I felt drawn to over the last few years is R. She is married to an obviously brilliant man. She has a son who is obviously highly gifted. She knows my daughter and did not believe me when I first told her my observations, aside from those related to her husband.
After a while, she experiences some of the terrors (AKA gifts) of mothering a gifted child and started to acknowledge that aspect of her child. She still refused to believe that she is gifted. I refused to let her lack of agreement change my opinion ;)
After more months passed, she ran across some reading about people who are highly gifted and have the other label that R does. She acknowledged that her earlier reading about the other label has only ever fit partially. She didn't see the descriptions of highly gifted individuals as a good fit either. However, when she read about people with both, it fits her perfectly.
Through this, she is better able to understand her methods of interacting with those around her, including her gifted child. It gives her resources and explanation of some of the quirks that are part of her world. It gives her more of a framework for understanding herself. It's freeing.
Another example I ran across is actually the vision therapy doctor that my daughter sees. This woman is so obviously gifted that when we were having a conversation, I honestly thought she was kidding when she said she didn't think she was gifted. I scoffed, thinking we were bantering and assured her she was. I honestly forgot about it.
A couple of weeks later, she timidly asked me into her office, referring to something I had said. I got a bit nervous, hoping I hadn't offended her unintentionally, and I was a bit bewildered. Once inside her office, she lowered her voice and thanked me for telling her that she is gifted. She had already read a few books and said she learned that I was right. Duh! Seriously, that might have come out of my mouth, but I'm not sure. The reason she asked me into her office was to thank me and ask for more information to digest and learn about this aspect of herself. She also told me that she now understands why she interacts with her husband the way that she does. It's amazing how much of our lives this wiring difference affects!
I also think these two women are great examples of how highly gifted people are not people who think they are better than anyone else. Neither of them assumed they were gifted. They both felt different, but in ways that made them self-conscious to one degree or another. The difference is how they are wired, and how their brains process things. They did not grow up hearing they were gifted. Theyt did not believe they were better than anyone else. They are simply different and never knew how to describe it before. Now that they understand it, they are ravenous for information about it.
I am lucky to have found so many people who tolerate or even celebrate the ways that I and my family are quirky and different. Understanding and connection are key ingredients to a happy, fulfilled life!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
So how is your school year going? Please don't ask.
I've been getting this question a lot. Kids get it a lot when they are in school. Teachers, too. As a homeschooler, we qualify for that special group. We get the question. I dread the question.
My daughter is always listening when I am asked, and that is why I dread it. I want to remain positive. I want to be the good mom. If I'm honest, I also want to be the supermom who can do it all and do it all well. However, that is not my reality. I don't think it has ever been my reality and it probably never will be. I humor myself by supposing that those who look like supermom are just pretending.
Here's the answer. This year has been hard. It has been very hard. There have more days this year that I have irrationally invented a world where school works well for my child and started considering our options in this fantasy world, where the sky just happens to be purple.
I have also been battling retail therapy. Most of my friends will vouch for me as a cheap person. I really am. However, retail therapy has been calling me, and it has a melodious voice and looks like clothes that will be soft and make me look my best, all while distracting me from the fact that M is laying on the ground staring into the hamster cage despite the fact that it is late Thursday and she has read 20 pages of her assignment with 100 left to go. I will not yell . . . well, not again. OK, so not again today, at least.
All of this makes me feel imprisoned sometimes, which is another irrational adventure in my world. We have classes and coop and lessons. I have friends who meet me for coffee or come over and talk about menu planning, etc. However, when I feel like nagging is the price I have to pay for progress, I feel as if I cannot do my own thing. At all. Ever. It is irrational, but still aggravating.
Honestly, I asked my husband to work from home tomorrow so he can be the nag while I fulfill some retail therapy and go shopping. I wish I were kidding. Is there a way to make this seem productive, supermoms?
I hope you are having a great start to the school year, and that your children are more motivated than mine at the present.
My daughter is always listening when I am asked, and that is why I dread it. I want to remain positive. I want to be the good mom. If I'm honest, I also want to be the supermom who can do it all and do it all well. However, that is not my reality. I don't think it has ever been my reality and it probably never will be. I humor myself by supposing that those who look like supermom are just pretending.
Here's the answer. This year has been hard. It has been very hard. There have more days this year that I have irrationally invented a world where school works well for my child and started considering our options in this fantasy world, where the sky just happens to be purple.
I have also been battling retail therapy. Most of my friends will vouch for me as a cheap person. I really am. However, retail therapy has been calling me, and it has a melodious voice and looks like clothes that will be soft and make me look my best, all while distracting me from the fact that M is laying on the ground staring into the hamster cage despite the fact that it is late Thursday and she has read 20 pages of her assignment with 100 left to go. I will not yell . . . well, not again. OK, so not again today, at least.
All of this makes me feel imprisoned sometimes, which is another irrational adventure in my world. We have classes and coop and lessons. I have friends who meet me for coffee or come over and talk about menu planning, etc. However, when I feel like nagging is the price I have to pay for progress, I feel as if I cannot do my own thing. At all. Ever. It is irrational, but still aggravating.
Honestly, I asked my husband to work from home tomorrow so he can be the nag while I fulfill some retail therapy and go shopping. I wish I were kidding. Is there a way to make this seem productive, supermoms?
I hope you are having a great start to the school year, and that your children are more motivated than mine at the present.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Awkward encounters of the innumerable kind
Recently, we joined another homeschool group. This one is not specifically aimed at gifted kids, which means it has a more awkward beginning.
I'm picturing sneers and judgemental parents with expressions that say, "You think your kid is better than my kid?!"
NO!!!!!! A million times. no.
That is why it is awkward. That is why we filter - see the post about filtering and gambling for more on that. Actually, that topic shows up all over the place on this blog, so close your eyes and pick.
In a recent conversation with a teacher who has taught within the gifted circles and was also teaching in the general homeschool circles, I was reminded that there is a grain of truth in every stereotype. This particular teacher was guarded with me at first, but entered into a productive conversation about how there are examples where it is clear that some parents within gifted circles have big heads. I reminded this teacher of the obvious truth that there are people outside of gifted circles with big heads, also.
He said it was refreshing when someone was gifted and humble at the same time. He seemed intentionally vague about whether or not he meant me, but I don't care. I pointed to my child nearby and told him that she was that refreshing example, and I didn't want that to change. I told him those were my absolute favorite kind of people, and his expression softened.
I would like to suggest that meeting these people happens far more often than people think. Joining this new group gave me another poignant example, and it happened while I met another parent of a gifted child. Isn't it interesting that three mothers of gifted children were all talking and not one of them was pompous or even quick to talk about their unusual circumstances? Zero for three.
This is how it evolved.
I walked in and saw a girl from a coop we are both in. She started chatting with another girl, and it was obvious to all that these girls are going to have a lot of fun together, even though they had just met.
I was gathering information at a table when the mother of the second girl introduced herself to me. This mother, like most homeschool parents I have met, was anxious for information and excited about resources available in this adventure. As we talked, the uniqueness of our children came up. I was intentionally evasive, wanting to be known for who we are and not our labels. The other mother respected that.
As we talked, it became clear that this new mom was motivated to find more resources, such as another coop. The mother I already knew joined the conversation, and it was clear that we all were going through a similar journey.
I changed my mind and told her exactly what our special concerns are, and what our other coop is all about. I thought she was going to jump out of her skin with excitement. She had been looking for something like that for her daughter, as gifted kids have a very complex social journey. Her excitement at meeting 2 families in this place who share so many similarities was palpable.
Humble gifted people want to be included outside gifted circles, and are hesitant to point out differences. They have past experience of being judged based on stigmas about giftedness. This new mother had experienced the same things and had been hesitant to share her information to me, as well. She had the same reasons. She simply wasn't connected with the same resources and support network . . . not yet. Today, she is.
In this case, those who are very loudly trying to perpetuate awareness and understanding for giftedness have had the opposite effect. It is very difficult to locate other gifted families in the general population unless you have a lot of information. We tend to not talk about it. We are isolated by the stigmas. Our children are isolated by the stigmas. See the post They get Lonely and Hurt and So Do Their Kids for more on that.
Very small can be a description of my character at times. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. I get very jealous of parents who can test the waters of a potential playdate friend by talking openly about interests and quirks, such as loving dance, being gaga over a particular band, or wearing only one color. My daughter's intensities are not about a typical hobby or activity, and she does not have a favorite color. The things that make her uniquely her are things that often get us both judged unfairly. For more on my struggles with envy, see the post on Envy and Snobbery.
It IS unfair, as my daughter feels that she is no better than anyone. I told her that unfortunately, people sometimes assume that's what we think when we talk about giftedness. She said, "I don't feel that way at all! In fact, I feel the opposite!" I had to stop her there and tell her I didn't want her to feel the opposite. She wasn't less important than anyone else, either. "God loves everyone the same. Everyone is equally important," she said. I agreed. This is not a mantra she got from me. It is her belief and her own mantra.
Today, I'm feeling blessed as I reflect on meeting our new friends. I am thankful that we were able to talk about the similarities in our families, and I hope we can all enhance the support each family and individual feels through the connections. It also makes me laugh when I remember how awkward it all was.
Here's hoping your day and life is full of individuals that make you feel comfortable being your true self, support you, and share the adventures life bring to all of you. Life is richer connected.
I'm picturing sneers and judgemental parents with expressions that say, "You think your kid is better than my kid?!"
NO!!!!!! A million times. no.
That is why it is awkward. That is why we filter - see the post about filtering and gambling for more on that. Actually, that topic shows up all over the place on this blog, so close your eyes and pick.
In a recent conversation with a teacher who has taught within the gifted circles and was also teaching in the general homeschool circles, I was reminded that there is a grain of truth in every stereotype. This particular teacher was guarded with me at first, but entered into a productive conversation about how there are examples where it is clear that some parents within gifted circles have big heads. I reminded this teacher of the obvious truth that there are people outside of gifted circles with big heads, also.
He said it was refreshing when someone was gifted and humble at the same time. He seemed intentionally vague about whether or not he meant me, but I don't care. I pointed to my child nearby and told him that she was that refreshing example, and I didn't want that to change. I told him those were my absolute favorite kind of people, and his expression softened.
I would like to suggest that meeting these people happens far more often than people think. Joining this new group gave me another poignant example, and it happened while I met another parent of a gifted child. Isn't it interesting that three mothers of gifted children were all talking and not one of them was pompous or even quick to talk about their unusual circumstances? Zero for three.
This is how it evolved.
I walked in and saw a girl from a coop we are both in. She started chatting with another girl, and it was obvious to all that these girls are going to have a lot of fun together, even though they had just met.
I was gathering information at a table when the mother of the second girl introduced herself to me. This mother, like most homeschool parents I have met, was anxious for information and excited about resources available in this adventure. As we talked, the uniqueness of our children came up. I was intentionally evasive, wanting to be known for who we are and not our labels. The other mother respected that.
As we talked, it became clear that this new mom was motivated to find more resources, such as another coop. The mother I already knew joined the conversation, and it was clear that we all were going through a similar journey.
I changed my mind and told her exactly what our special concerns are, and what our other coop is all about. I thought she was going to jump out of her skin with excitement. She had been looking for something like that for her daughter, as gifted kids have a very complex social journey. Her excitement at meeting 2 families in this place who share so many similarities was palpable.
Humble gifted people want to be included outside gifted circles, and are hesitant to point out differences. They have past experience of being judged based on stigmas about giftedness. This new mother had experienced the same things and had been hesitant to share her information to me, as well. She had the same reasons. She simply wasn't connected with the same resources and support network . . . not yet. Today, she is.
In this case, those who are very loudly trying to perpetuate awareness and understanding for giftedness have had the opposite effect. It is very difficult to locate other gifted families in the general population unless you have a lot of information. We tend to not talk about it. We are isolated by the stigmas. Our children are isolated by the stigmas. See the post They get Lonely and Hurt and So Do Their Kids for more on that.
Very small can be a description of my character at times. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. I get very jealous of parents who can test the waters of a potential playdate friend by talking openly about interests and quirks, such as loving dance, being gaga over a particular band, or wearing only one color. My daughter's intensities are not about a typical hobby or activity, and she does not have a favorite color. The things that make her uniquely her are things that often get us both judged unfairly. For more on my struggles with envy, see the post on Envy and Snobbery.
It IS unfair, as my daughter feels that she is no better than anyone. I told her that unfortunately, people sometimes assume that's what we think when we talk about giftedness. She said, "I don't feel that way at all! In fact, I feel the opposite!" I had to stop her there and tell her I didn't want her to feel the opposite. She wasn't less important than anyone else, either. "God loves everyone the same. Everyone is equally important," she said. I agreed. This is not a mantra she got from me. It is her belief and her own mantra.
Today, I'm feeling blessed as I reflect on meeting our new friends. I am thankful that we were able to talk about the similarities in our families, and I hope we can all enhance the support each family and individual feels through the connections. It also makes me laugh when I remember how awkward it all was.
Here's hoping your day and life is full of individuals that make you feel comfortable being your true self, support you, and share the adventures life bring to all of you. Life is richer connected.
Monday, September 2, 2013
What to do and why to do it when it's hard
I haven't posted much for the past couple of weeks. I have been grumpy. It has been really hard. Today, someone posted this link on fb suggesting it for everyone going through something hard. I'm guessing that's pretty much everyone. It's quick, so check it out if you're intrigued.
http://awakemysoulblog.com/2013/09/02/maybe-we-can/#comment-1870
As I read that, I remembered a couple of people I used to see regularly when walking or biking the beautiful paths around our home. We would walk it really slowly when I was pregnant, and I had very difficult pregnancies. It was a way my husband would show me support through those hard times.
When M was small, I would walk it with her in the stroller. On the hard days, I would sometimes cry (yes, in public) as I walked. It's not heavily populated on those trails, especially at the times I walk them. Some people were concerned about me. A few would ask if I was OK. Most ignored it, looking uncomfortable.
The two people I saw most often when I was on these walks never saw me cry. They inspired me the same way the man in the blog inspires the writer above. One of them called himself "sticks" due to his two metal sticks with braces that enabled him to walk by carrying most of his weight with his arms. The other was nicknamed "curly" - Sticks told me this nickname, and I never asked why or saw any hair, as he was always in a hat. However, he rode a motorized scooter and had oxygen with him and on him at all times. I haven't seen either of them in years. I can only assume that they moved somewhere else or have passed on, as they were both at an advanced age.
They were both cheerful and friendly. Always. They were probably the most caring people I encountered on those walks and bike rides. Today, I find it awe-inspiring that the people who had the most obvious physical struggles were consistently friendly and present to the community. Those of us who were grumpy and wrapped up in our own problems really could and SHOULD learn from them.
Today is about the second day in a few weeks that this reluctant homeschooler has had hope and felt successful in my current adventure. It is my marathon. It is an emotional, intellectual, logistical and psychological marathon. I have chronic health issues that are my physical marathon, as well.
Yet, as the author of that blog, as well as Steve Wiens (The Actual Pastor is his blog, and I have cited is, as does the blog author cited in this post) have realized that others have their own challenges to deal with and are doing something wonderful and tangible to raise awareness and funds for the cause. I would encourage you to check out both & consider supporting their efforts financially, at least. In our country, the financial support tends to be the easier part.
Maybe I can. This is a statement that has been used to help people consider how they can make a difference, and it's spreading. As soon as I read it, I got scared. Does that ever happen to you? I was scared not because anyone was directly pressuring me, but because I knew it would change me and challenge me for an undefined amount of time, and I knew that those things would probably not be a day at a spa, or eating more ice cream.
I'm looking for inspiration from others. I will not be doing a lot of running, but am incredibly proud of Steve for running the Grand Canyon this month for such a wonderful cause - search Rim to Rim and Steve Wiens for more info on that. You can also look for tweets on lunacy if that fits you better.
Cancer haunts me, so I am not chemically treating my hair and growing it out to donate a ponytail for cancer wigs. That is my wimpy way of doing something tangible, but it will be a small, daily struggle for me. I was inspired by a friend who never gets a haircut except to donate a ponytail for a cancer wig. I am committing to do it once. Anyone want to do this with me and symbolically donate a full wig? The number of ponytails required is stated as a different number in different places. The more ponytails, the more wigs is a fact.
I am considering some other, crazier tangible adventures in an effort to love others. Love is a verb. It requires doing. I'm not ready to commit to them by elaborating here. Not yet.
If you've followed this blog, you know about our unusual parenting situation and some of the things that are included in that. Along those lines, I have found a number of ways to try and reach out and support others who are in parallel adventures. Why do we do this? Our family does because it is the best solution for M. I know many other families who do something similar for the same reason. I am actively looking for ways to make it less of a marathon for my entire family, as well as other families who might benefit and keep their natural hair color longer.
What are your struggles? What potential action makes you a bit nauseated to consider? Maybe you can. Believe it or not, I actually studied marketing at a respected business university. I know it's hard to believe after that sales pitch!
If you have ideas, I'd love to hear them. I promise to pray for you and your adventure if you share it with me. I know at least one other person who reads this will do the same. You just might inspire someone else.
Update/Post Script:
Rim To Rim raised enough funds to save 57 "women" (teenagers seems a more appropriate term to me) from sex trafficking. Way to go, Steve! Way to go everyone involved!
http://awakemysoulblog.com/2013/09/02/maybe-we-can/#comment-1870
As I read that, I remembered a couple of people I used to see regularly when walking or biking the beautiful paths around our home. We would walk it really slowly when I was pregnant, and I had very difficult pregnancies. It was a way my husband would show me support through those hard times.
When M was small, I would walk it with her in the stroller. On the hard days, I would sometimes cry (yes, in public) as I walked. It's not heavily populated on those trails, especially at the times I walk them. Some people were concerned about me. A few would ask if I was OK. Most ignored it, looking uncomfortable.
The two people I saw most often when I was on these walks never saw me cry. They inspired me the same way the man in the blog inspires the writer above. One of them called himself "sticks" due to his two metal sticks with braces that enabled him to walk by carrying most of his weight with his arms. The other was nicknamed "curly" - Sticks told me this nickname, and I never asked why or saw any hair, as he was always in a hat. However, he rode a motorized scooter and had oxygen with him and on him at all times. I haven't seen either of them in years. I can only assume that they moved somewhere else or have passed on, as they were both at an advanced age.
They were both cheerful and friendly. Always. They were probably the most caring people I encountered on those walks and bike rides. Today, I find it awe-inspiring that the people who had the most obvious physical struggles were consistently friendly and present to the community. Those of us who were grumpy and wrapped up in our own problems really could and SHOULD learn from them.
Today is about the second day in a few weeks that this reluctant homeschooler has had hope and felt successful in my current adventure. It is my marathon. It is an emotional, intellectual, logistical and psychological marathon. I have chronic health issues that are my physical marathon, as well.
Yet, as the author of that blog, as well as Steve Wiens (The Actual Pastor is his blog, and I have cited is, as does the blog author cited in this post) have realized that others have their own challenges to deal with and are doing something wonderful and tangible to raise awareness and funds for the cause. I would encourage you to check out both & consider supporting their efforts financially, at least. In our country, the financial support tends to be the easier part.
Maybe I can. This is a statement that has been used to help people consider how they can make a difference, and it's spreading. As soon as I read it, I got scared. Does that ever happen to you? I was scared not because anyone was directly pressuring me, but because I knew it would change me and challenge me for an undefined amount of time, and I knew that those things would probably not be a day at a spa, or eating more ice cream.
I'm looking for inspiration from others. I will not be doing a lot of running, but am incredibly proud of Steve for running the Grand Canyon this month for such a wonderful cause - search Rim to Rim and Steve Wiens for more info on that. You can also look for tweets on lunacy if that fits you better.
Cancer haunts me, so I am not chemically treating my hair and growing it out to donate a ponytail for cancer wigs. That is my wimpy way of doing something tangible, but it will be a small, daily struggle for me. I was inspired by a friend who never gets a haircut except to donate a ponytail for a cancer wig. I am committing to do it once. Anyone want to do this with me and symbolically donate a full wig? The number of ponytails required is stated as a different number in different places. The more ponytails, the more wigs is a fact.
I am considering some other, crazier tangible adventures in an effort to love others. Love is a verb. It requires doing. I'm not ready to commit to them by elaborating here. Not yet.
If you've followed this blog, you know about our unusual parenting situation and some of the things that are included in that. Along those lines, I have found a number of ways to try and reach out and support others who are in parallel adventures. Why do we do this? Our family does because it is the best solution for M. I know many other families who do something similar for the same reason. I am actively looking for ways to make it less of a marathon for my entire family, as well as other families who might benefit and keep their natural hair color longer.
What are your struggles? What potential action makes you a bit nauseated to consider? Maybe you can. Believe it or not, I actually studied marketing at a respected business university. I know it's hard to believe after that sales pitch!
If you have ideas, I'd love to hear them. I promise to pray for you and your adventure if you share it with me. I know at least one other person who reads this will do the same. You just might inspire someone else.
Update/Post Script:
Rim To Rim raised enough funds to save 57 "women" (teenagers seems a more appropriate term to me) from sex trafficking. Way to go, Steve! Way to go everyone involved!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Somber summer reflections . . . Entering Fall hesitantly . . .
I must admit it has been a difficult summer for my family.
We tried to move, but will be remaining here. Maintaining the house is more involved than we'd like. We are unpacking boxes even though we did not move. However, we were able to simplify things, thin out many things in our home, and make some adjustments that are quite positive.
We tried a new gifted summer school program, and found that the teacher of M's favorite subjects is . . . not acceptable to us as a teacher.
We tried to schedule more playdates and agreed to drive more often in order to facilitate socialization for M. One set of weekly playdates we attended not once. Two other families we wanted to see weekly or as often as possible, we have seen about four times total. That's not each family four times, but four times total between the two families.
However, we have been more successful in planning social opportunities with families that live closer to our current location, as opposed to years past. We also met a few other families in this area that we plan or hope to see more often. One of those we will see again this coming weekend, and it is a delight to have them in our lives. Also, I have personally been more successful in making plans with friends and getting adult conversation more often than in the past.
We hoped to be closer to the Fall activities we will be involved in. However, we were able to put those things close together in order to minimize driving.
Fall allergies have hit, and in our home this makes interactions more strained all around. Combine that with the disappointments of the summer, and I am feeling quite a bit of trepidation. M is usually a very agreeable, happy person. However, she has been argumentative, stubborn, and downright rude. I have been grumpy, unmotivated, and feeling under appreciated as a reluctant homeschooler.
As I hear it, most children are argumentative. In the case of highly gifted children, it's like an intense negotiation. When they have intensities, the revelation that they are the child and do not get a vote in every decision doesn't always end the tension.
I know I am not alone in this, and had the pleasure of exactly one bright spot in my day today of visiting with a homeschool friend who is one of those people I intensely like even though I have not known her long. As we were chatting, I witnessed that she has similar situations in her home, and just knowing that I am not alone is helpful. In a strange way, knowing that we have similar challenges, and hearing her insightful perspective on those interactions - how they help her understand the perspective of her children and how they are different from her own - helped neutralize the emotion that was running rampant within me even before lunch today.
I must hope that the new structure will be helpful to all. I will continue to meet with a dear friend and plan menus and exercise, as well as trying to implement a new approach at home that is intended to take the stress out of the mother-daughter relationship. If you pray, I'd appreciate your prayers. I will also need to dedicate myself to more frequent exercise for the sake of all.
Hope your summer is ending with lots of fun, and that your Fall is full of things that you are pleasantly anticipating.
We tried to move, but will be remaining here. Maintaining the house is more involved than we'd like. We are unpacking boxes even though we did not move. However, we were able to simplify things, thin out many things in our home, and make some adjustments that are quite positive.
We tried a new gifted summer school program, and found that the teacher of M's favorite subjects is . . . not acceptable to us as a teacher.
We tried to schedule more playdates and agreed to drive more often in order to facilitate socialization for M. One set of weekly playdates we attended not once. Two other families we wanted to see weekly or as often as possible, we have seen about four times total. That's not each family four times, but four times total between the two families.
However, we have been more successful in planning social opportunities with families that live closer to our current location, as opposed to years past. We also met a few other families in this area that we plan or hope to see more often. One of those we will see again this coming weekend, and it is a delight to have them in our lives. Also, I have personally been more successful in making plans with friends and getting adult conversation more often than in the past.
We hoped to be closer to the Fall activities we will be involved in. However, we were able to put those things close together in order to minimize driving.
Fall allergies have hit, and in our home this makes interactions more strained all around. Combine that with the disappointments of the summer, and I am feeling quite a bit of trepidation. M is usually a very agreeable, happy person. However, she has been argumentative, stubborn, and downright rude. I have been grumpy, unmotivated, and feeling under appreciated as a reluctant homeschooler.
As I hear it, most children are argumentative. In the case of highly gifted children, it's like an intense negotiation. When they have intensities, the revelation that they are the child and do not get a vote in every decision doesn't always end the tension.
I know I am not alone in this, and had the pleasure of exactly one bright spot in my day today of visiting with a homeschool friend who is one of those people I intensely like even though I have not known her long. As we were chatting, I witnessed that she has similar situations in her home, and just knowing that I am not alone is helpful. In a strange way, knowing that we have similar challenges, and hearing her insightful perspective on those interactions - how they help her understand the perspective of her children and how they are different from her own - helped neutralize the emotion that was running rampant within me even before lunch today.
I must hope that the new structure will be helpful to all. I will continue to meet with a dear friend and plan menus and exercise, as well as trying to implement a new approach at home that is intended to take the stress out of the mother-daughter relationship. If you pray, I'd appreciate your prayers. I will also need to dedicate myself to more frequent exercise for the sake of all.
Hope your summer is ending with lots of fun, and that your Fall is full of things that you are pleasantly anticipating.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Inspiration can look like danger
This week has been full of amazing things for me. I feel overwhelmed, scared, excited, fulfilled, overwhelmed and more. That's what just-before-school looks like for me . . . and other times, I'll admit.
Earlier this week, I got a call from someone I haven't known long. However, the family is the kind that you care about an awful lot right away. The mother is an amazing, inspiring person, and tends to be quite business-like in her approach. She's not cold or mechanical, but business-like as opposed to emotional or breezy. They are very strong Christians who live in the world, as opposed to next to it.
When I answered the phone, I could tell she had tears and she struggled to find words. This is something I had not experienced with her. It turned out, we had another shared experience, and she was simply overwhelmed with it. She was in tears of relief, she said. I was right there with her, and my daughter entered into the emotion of the event, as well.
Then, this blog post inspired me.
http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/08/13/rim-to-rim-for-eyes-that-see/?utm_content=bufferf6308&utm_source=buffer&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Buffer
Wow! Just wow!
Then, this one did.
http://www.blogher.com/why-we-shouldnt-be-interested-raising-safe-christian-kids
Keeping children safe is instinctual. I will not be as bold as that mother, I'm sure. However, after a fall, we asked, "was it a good landing?" If the answer was yes, life went on as usual. If no or tears followed, hugs and kisses were prescribed. I also stopped others from allowing M to take chances and learn thing. I do not want to instill fear of failure that prevent her from trying things. As an adult, I try to model that. You miss out on a lot of fun if you do not try things and take risks.
I am thankful to be surrounded by people who understand that being different is not inherently safe, but that being normal is not an option or even desireable. They share this amazing stuff with me, and it challenges me to think about my life and parenting and homeschooling and schedule differently.
The two ideas I hope I can incorporate of my Christianity into the whole of my life are these.
1. "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hand on these two commandments." ~ Matthew 22:36-40 This was a memory verse from my Bible study this week, as well, adding to my week's inspirations.
Notice that it doesn't say your Christian neighbors or your safe neighbors. The word safe does not occur in there, nor does the word separate. My family will not live outside the world and segregate if I can help it. It also holds nothing back. We are commanded to love people, and love is a verb.
ALL of those things are to be used. Not just most of them. Not just when you have extra. I am profoundly proud of my family for being willing to be the crazy people, and to accept me as the crazy mom. We are the ones who are ridiculously open and honest, and more often than I expected, people appreciate that. This was affirmed in that phone I mentioned. My husband and I believe that our calling is to make sure people don't go through the things we do believing they are alone. Sure, we get snubbed and we scare people sometimes. When people appreciate it, that is usually a strong emotion, and we have amazing fun with those who choose to do life with us, even for a season.
2. "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stnad, and it gives light to eveyone in the house." ~ Matthew 5:13-15
I am surprised that I haven't heard sermons about how this sounds like, "be yourself." Yes, this is referring to spirituality. However, Christians are supposed to have spirituality as part of their identity, and the best teachers I've known were not what you picture in evangelists. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being an evangelist. However, I think powerful Christians can be powerful in a way that looks like kindness, generosity, goodness, caring, etc. I think that truly loving other people gets attention, fulfills Christian calling and makes people want to look closer, whether or not they share the faith. God is in charge, not me. I don't need to tell people all about him. However, people usually know I am Christian without a lot of theological discussion.
I have been asked to share my faith with a few, and I have gladly accomodated the requests, but mostly, I just want to be seen as a loving person. An insane, loving person, perhaps. I'm OK with that.
I hope your Fall plans leave you excited, inspired and fulfilled! I will not be running the Grand Canyon this year, and I'll probably never be the parent who doesn't warn kids to be safe. However, these people inspire me, and I'll find my own way to live it out and let it evolve me. I'd love to hear your ideas on how you'd like to evolve this school year, as well.
Earlier this week, I got a call from someone I haven't known long. However, the family is the kind that you care about an awful lot right away. The mother is an amazing, inspiring person, and tends to be quite business-like in her approach. She's not cold or mechanical, but business-like as opposed to emotional or breezy. They are very strong Christians who live in the world, as opposed to next to it.
When I answered the phone, I could tell she had tears and she struggled to find words. This is something I had not experienced with her. It turned out, we had another shared experience, and she was simply overwhelmed with it. She was in tears of relief, she said. I was right there with her, and my daughter entered into the emotion of the event, as well.
Then, this blog post inspired me.
http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/08/13/rim-to-rim-for-eyes-that-see/?utm_content=bufferf6308&utm_source=buffer&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Buffer
Wow! Just wow!
Then, this one did.
http://www.blogher.com/why-we-shouldnt-be-interested-raising-safe-christian-kids
Keeping children safe is instinctual. I will not be as bold as that mother, I'm sure. However, after a fall, we asked, "was it a good landing?" If the answer was yes, life went on as usual. If no or tears followed, hugs and kisses were prescribed. I also stopped others from allowing M to take chances and learn thing. I do not want to instill fear of failure that prevent her from trying things. As an adult, I try to model that. You miss out on a lot of fun if you do not try things and take risks.
I am thankful to be surrounded by people who understand that being different is not inherently safe, but that being normal is not an option or even desireable. They share this amazing stuff with me, and it challenges me to think about my life and parenting and homeschooling and schedule differently.
The two ideas I hope I can incorporate of my Christianity into the whole of my life are these.
1. "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hand on these two commandments." ~ Matthew 22:36-40 This was a memory verse from my Bible study this week, as well, adding to my week's inspirations.
Notice that it doesn't say your Christian neighbors or your safe neighbors. The word safe does not occur in there, nor does the word separate. My family will not live outside the world and segregate if I can help it. It also holds nothing back. We are commanded to love people, and love is a verb.
ALL of those things are to be used. Not just most of them. Not just when you have extra. I am profoundly proud of my family for being willing to be the crazy people, and to accept me as the crazy mom. We are the ones who are ridiculously open and honest, and more often than I expected, people appreciate that. This was affirmed in that phone I mentioned. My husband and I believe that our calling is to make sure people don't go through the things we do believing they are alone. Sure, we get snubbed and we scare people sometimes. When people appreciate it, that is usually a strong emotion, and we have amazing fun with those who choose to do life with us, even for a season.
2. "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stnad, and it gives light to eveyone in the house." ~ Matthew 5:13-15
I am surprised that I haven't heard sermons about how this sounds like, "be yourself." Yes, this is referring to spirituality. However, Christians are supposed to have spirituality as part of their identity, and the best teachers I've known were not what you picture in evangelists. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being an evangelist. However, I think powerful Christians can be powerful in a way that looks like kindness, generosity, goodness, caring, etc. I think that truly loving other people gets attention, fulfills Christian calling and makes people want to look closer, whether or not they share the faith. God is in charge, not me. I don't need to tell people all about him. However, people usually know I am Christian without a lot of theological discussion.
I have been asked to share my faith with a few, and I have gladly accomodated the requests, but mostly, I just want to be seen as a loving person. An insane, loving person, perhaps. I'm OK with that.
I hope your Fall plans leave you excited, inspired and fulfilled! I will not be running the Grand Canyon this year, and I'll probably never be the parent who doesn't warn kids to be safe. However, these people inspire me, and I'll find my own way to live it out and let it evolve me. I'd love to hear your ideas on how you'd like to evolve this school year, as well.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Asynchronicity and Overprotectiveness - can school be damaging?
I want precursur this by reminding everyone that I believe school is good for some kids, including some gifted kids. For others, however, it is not. For ours, it was not.
Yesterday, my husband ventured out of his comfort zone more than usual with some trusted friends and responded in more detail to the questions about why we aren't putting M in school. He usually leaves this to hi obnixious wife (yes, me). I was not there. These people are his friends and I know them but little. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he used a simple example that I often do. She is doing math at ___ grade level, science at ____ level, and reading at ____ level. No school in our culture can accomodate that. We have a hard time doing it, in fact. School just doesn't work for her.
If you'd like a smarter-sounding answer backed up with more of the research and scientific information I simply don't do, this post is a good place for it. http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/asynchronous-developmen
Truth be told, I sometimes wish I did communicate more like this person, since I get tired of the expressions that communicate "I'm not taking you seriously." Ah well. It takes all kinds and my style is different, so I'll simply share a variety. Happy Monday!
Yesterday, my husband ventured out of his comfort zone more than usual with some trusted friends and responded in more detail to the questions about why we aren't putting M in school. He usually leaves this to hi obnixious wife (yes, me). I was not there. These people are his friends and I know them but little. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he used a simple example that I often do. She is doing math at ___ grade level, science at ____ level, and reading at ____ level. No school in our culture can accomodate that. We have a hard time doing it, in fact. School just doesn't work for her.
If you'd like a smarter-sounding answer backed up with more of the research and scientific information I simply don't do, this post is a good place for it. http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/asynchronous-developmen
Truth be told, I sometimes wish I did communicate more like this person, since I get tired of the expressions that communicate "I'm not taking you seriously." Ah well. It takes all kinds and my style is different, so I'll simply share a variety. Happy Monday!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)