playdate prep/fitting in

This will be my last post today, as I'm finally getting a few ideas out there officially. We have been getting to know a new friend who lives close to us. I believe God put the 2 of us mothers together for a reason one day last Spring, and our kids are a lot alike. They are both highly gifted, very driven in science, not at all driven in math (except as it facilitates science), and they talk alike. For those of you who know us personally, you'll know what a big deal this is. Strangers stop me, giggling and comment on how adorable and precicious it is . . . most of the time. Then, there was the old man at a garage sale who didn't appreciate hearing that her snails were hermaphrodites (from her own mouth) . . . I digress. Last week I picked this boy up for an afternoon at our house, and as he has siblings, it was their first time interacting independently. M was SOOOOO excited. She thanked and hugged me repeatedly for setting it up. His mom was also excited and thanked me repeatedly. This is part of the sad stuff with gifted kids, but playdates are . . . pretty rare. To find a peer who has similar interests and interacts in a similar way is more difficult when you are statistically less common - it's simple logic, but emotional explosive for some of us. M said, "So this is kindof like a playdate?" I said, "No, it's exactly like a playdate." That brought a big grin. There are a few years between these kids, which is not much in gifted circles - we increase social circles by widening the age group, I think. Dr Ruf says that dividing children into peer groups by age makes as much sense as dividing them by height - both equally limited in which ways those kids will be peers. There have been many questions this summer posed to M about her age. Most people guess young. Very young. Even compared to how young she actually is. I have heard other parents and older kids in our homeschool coop talk about this insecurity related to their giftedness. One girl is studying Asian languages because she feels less insecure around cultures who tend to be genetically smaller - this from the 14-yr-old girl herself. M has her own version of it & I didn't realize until she was getting ready for her playdate. She got dressed very carefully, putting on a size 6X tank top with built-in shelf bra and denim capris with matching (rare, indeed) stitching on them. Her friend probably did not notice what she was wearing. The shelf bra's main purpose seems to be to wierd my husband out. However, just knowing that it's called a shelf bra makes her feel older and more mature. As her friend is older than she is, she wore clothes that made her feel older, and therefore more comfortable and equal. When he talked to me more than her upon first arriving at our house, she got jealous. She gets her patience from her mother and after 5-10 minutes, grabbed him by the wrist and literally dragged him away from me, asking him to play Wii with her. He has younger siblings, so is used to beign dragged around, and looked quite pleased at the attention. They spent hours playing Wii working as a team and it was so easy on me. More recently, she was with her younger cousins. She wore polka-dotted knit pants and a t-shirt that definitely look younger. Funny how she's already dressing to fit in. I guess it starts early for all of us females, huh?

Awkward principal encounter

We were at our local medical clinic for a normal appointment, and were surprised to run into the principal from M's previous school in the waiting area. We think the world of him, so in general, seeing him is not overly awkward. However, M started going on and on about everything she could think to tell him. Like I said, we think the world of him, and clearly she agrees. Then she says, "and Mom can't keep up with me, so when if I finish ___ grade early, we're going to quit homeschooling and unschool again." This is a partially correct quote. In order to fully understand, I must back up. The last grade she started and completed in 5 weeks, then I quit homeschooling her for the year. In the meantime, we have been unschooling. Basicly, this means teaching through everyday activities. Highly gifted children can't seem to get enough information to satisfy their appetite, so the concept is that you don't need to encourage them. Honestly, she has probably completed another grade in the 4 months that we have been unschooling. I laughed at her comment in front of the principal, and he looked curious. "Honey, we aren't going to stop at the end of ___ grade this year." This was out before I could process how much/little the principal knows, etc. Luckily, I didn't voice the next immediate thought, "the state wouldn't be pleased if I stopped schooling you before Halloween" . . . It felt like a long pause as I gathered my thoughts. M was uttering a disappointed and confused "oh" while the principal's eyebrows did a high jump. As M ran off to a different part of the waiting room, I quietly said, "I'm planning about 3 grades worth of material for this year. If she completes that early, I'm definitely quitting!" He agreed and expressed both surprised and excitement for us. Like I said, this is an awesome principal. Funny . . . that wasn't what I expected to happen on my way through the waiting room at the doctor's office . . .

state fair

The end of summer is drawing very near, which means state fair time around here. I was a both amused and uncomfortable when our daughter was invited to help run the booth for the state mensa group. Then again, I didn't know what that was 9 months ago, so maybe I shouldn't be so concerned. My husband saw the postcard and laughed, saying "Do they realize she's only 7?" Probably not, I'm guessing.

Summer Reading programs - rewards are hard?!

Around here, we like to take advantage of the summer reading programs. After all, it's essentially just free stuff we collect. M reads constantly anyway, so it's a matter of filling out a form and maybe doing a bit of coloring. Today, we turned one of those forms in to a local library. The librarian was very sweet and excited. She asked if it had been hard, or if all that reading had been done at the beginning of the summer. M seemed disinterested in the conversation. That persistent librarian asked what she had chosen to read. I could see a mental list of all the titles flashing through her head and M got completely overwhelmed, then said, "I don't remember." I said, "Lots of stuff. Tell her about one or two, at least." There was an awkward pause, then some awkward sentences about butterflies. The librarians eyes had been squinting in concentration, but widened steadily as the flow began. Pretty soon, the librarian and I had learned about a species of butterflies from an aread we vacationed this summer. At a national park M had insisted we visit, she bought a book on butterflies of the area (which she also told the librarian was the source of her information, as if she was reading a research paper). Apparently, there is a variety of butterflies that live their entire lives inside a wood-like enclosure, and even pupate (her word, not mine) inside of it. So, the caterpillar and butterfly live inside of this wooden shell-like structure for the life of the creature. Did I mention that she sounded much more professional delivering the information? I have translated it into terms that make sense to me. That convinced the librarian she had done the reading. Honestly, I never knew about any of that, since I cannot possibly hear about everything she reads. I'm OK with that. Moving on, part of the prize is a new book, and they have a cart full of choices. That sounds like the easy part, right?! Wrong! My girl is a non-fiction girl, and the only non-fiction is in level readers (think past board books, but before chapter books). They had a wide variety, but this was very hard. The sweet librarian offered to tell her about some of them, having recovered from her surprise, and asked what grade M would be in this Fall. While this is a much more logical and effective approach than asking age, or assuming you can tell by the look of a child, it doesn't work with M. She is reading multiple grade levels above her accelerated grade level, so M continue to get more and more frustrated. She looked shy, but as her mother, I saw a pressure-cooker reaching danger point. The librarian remained persistent and got creative, playing up the nature interest by finding novels that include a lot of nature, and simultaneously playing up the nonfiction end by finding historical novels that include quite a bit of accurate historical information. We ended up with a book about the Titanic. Probably not what you'd expect if you saw M on the street. Most of the time people guess she is between 4 and 6 somewhere. She's not, but that is only the start of the complicated individual that is my child. If this concept is intriguing/entertaining to you, check out the Mysterious Benedict Society books, and pay attention to the smallest member. They are a bit dark, but appropriate at younger ages than many more mainstream series. M enjoyed the first one, but didn't want to go through the others. I might have to, anyway. I thought they were fascinating and touching.

Playdates and playmates

What do you picture when you think of kids interacting and getting to know one another? For girls, maybe you expect to hear talk of their favorite princesses. For boys, maybe their favorite superhero. Maybe you expect to hear talk of their favorite games, sports, toys or music. With any age, it seems like we try to find something in common to talk about - a common interest. There is a local child whose mother and I have been talking. Our kids have much in common, so of course, we've been saying we need to get the kids together. Finally, it happened, and ended up being a larger family outing of sorts. The kids, having heard about each other, were naturally curious about each other, as the adults got introduced all around. Before long, it was clear that these kids DO mesh well. I didn't hear about any superhero talk, nor games, nor sports, nor movies or music. I heard them talk about dogs giving birth. My husband heard M tell the boy about her snails, and I assume she mentioned how quickly it had multiplied from one. The boy said they must be asexual. M said that yes, they are hermaphrodites. And the conversation continued as if this was a typical everyday conversation. My husband was not surprised, but had to sit back and notice another new normal. As we were heading our different ways, the boy was talking about how the moon appears larger during some parts of its orbit around the earth and why that was . . . yep, this is a kindred spirit for M. I just never imagined that a sign of a good childhood friend for my daughter would be evident in a conversation about the reproductive practices of snails . . . Anyone else have their atypical kid conversations to share?

Fishy stuff

I've been AWOL for a while, but busy accumulating more observations of our new normal. We recently took a summer vacation to an area that is full of amazing things to explore. One particular group of them is much more commonly visited than the others, so we got to address that assumption over and over. Although the parents were willing, the child was not interested :) Instead, we visited a historical site M read about in her history curriculum last school year, a couple of science destinations and some sea life destinations. It was a blast, and none of us missed the "main attraction" of the area. I never thought we'd be visiting a science museum in a different area, as the MN science museum is awesome, and . . . not many people do that. However, that was a major draw for M. The best part is that they had different local attractions, just like SMM has the Mississippi River Parks exhibit in the entry. Our membership is also part of a reciprocal membership to science and technology museums across the country, so it worked there o.O - SO cool to save on top of everything! Most people return home with stuffed animals and t-shirts and photos and sunburn. We did bring back all of those things. We also brought back an unusually high number of nonfiction books. One of them features Angry Birds, which is SOOOOO cool. I'm the biggest fan in the family. Don't be fooled; the book is full of nonfiction info and features Angry Birds characters on every page. I'm still thrilled at that find. Most moms look for jewelry - I brought my mom a piece of jewelry back, but I was more excited about my Angry Birds book . . . I mean, the book we bought for M ;) We returned to a fish tank that had an algae infestation. Apparently, in our area this happens to tanks a lot. We were the tenth family or so to ask about it at the fish store. This was very emotional for M, but she was taking in everything the clerk said, even though she didn't appear to be, and even though I was struggling to follow it. This young man was very knowledgeable, very passionate about fish and tanks, and talked at lightning speed. I have a headache just remembering it. Through the whole thing I was concerned that she wasn't listening, yet . . . Algae infestations can be caused by one spore airborn. As we live in an area of many lakes, and fish tanks have lights and warmer water than outside, this creates problems. The solution is not fun, but relatively simple. There is basicly algae poison. They asked about what we had in the tank and were reading the warnings related to one particular fish we have (a pleco, I believe). As the salesman read the fine print, he spoke even faster, and I basicly heard that our fish and plant would be fine. I said OK and grabbed the bottle. "Wait!" I was startled to hear from my 7-year-old. "Invertebrates includes my snails, right?" Uh . . . I vaguely recalled hearing some slurred syllables that sounded vaguely like that in between the whines from my daughter who is quite attached to her fish tank. She was right. The salesman didn't seem concerned, calling the type of hermaphrodite snails we have "cocroaches of the aquarium world" and shrugging. My daughter wailed . . . this guy was too young to get that you don't talk like that in front of an emotional 7-year-old, even when she seems more aware than her mother that snails are invertebrates. He never did seem to catch on to that . . . ah well. My girl is very into science and has taken many classes from scientists. She is aware that some species are becoming extinct because of humans and some are because of other animals. She also knows that there are animals that have been relocated by humans and are causing imbalances in the ecosystems where they were relocated. However, when it relates to the snails she hugs goodnight and spends hours talking to, this concept got lost inside the fact that she is seven and loves her snails. We went from one to more than a dozen quite quickly, and she has named most of them . . . and can tell them apart. Did I mention that the largest one is about the size of a very small pea?! We also have several pockets of snail eggs on the side of the tank, even after an algae treatment that is supposed to be toxic to invertebrates. I digress. In the end, these snails cannot be released into a local body of water, even though they probably originated here (as they came to us through SMM). I am adamant about not telling lies to my daughter. We seriously answer her questions about santa by telling her about St Nicholas and she helps fill stockings for St Nicholas Day. I don't want to lie to her. Those of you thinking you never want snails, please learn from our mistakes. There are snails that are born male and female. They have beautifully decorative shells and are larger than what we have. They only breed in salt water, but survive in fresh water. You can have snails without having an infestation problem, but ask questions to avoid the drama. The kind of snails we have are generally food for other fish . . . and snails. Seriously. So, we have a jar of protected "favorite snails" (including Muncher, Dotty and Speck, among otherss) in a jar next to the aquarium while we do the algae treatments. Eventually, they will be put back into the aquarium and M will choose a fish and/or snail that eat the mini snails, in hopes of balancing our ecosystem. We are hopeful that there will be some small snails in the tank on an ongoing basis, but that additional pets in the aquarium will keep the population under control. We did some light research. If we leave the algae unchecked, everything in the tank will have the oxygen used up and all of the animals will die. I don't like that one. Plus, the green water looks and smells bad! If we leave the snails unchecked in the tank, they will reproduce until the food is gone and all die at once. That would be drama. In addition, the shells would get into the filter and burn up that motor, necessitating some major expense (that our daughter is covering from her earnings). That option didn't sound much better, and I'll admit to having nightmares about the snails getting thick and pouring out of the tank, pushing open the lid from sheer numbers . . . .*shiver* . . . We could leave the snails in the tank during the algae treatment and they would probably all die. That didn't go over with M. Even if they didn't, or the eggs survived, we'd need another solution. In the end, she chose the idea of predator fish, although there was wailing about Muncher being eaten . . . There were tears at first, and we had to balance her age with her interests and intellect, which isn't easy. However, I think it will be a good lesson. We also offered to make the decisions for her, if she'd rather. She wanted to choose. I'm glad my husband brought up the emotional struggle of wondering if she had made the right decision. He wanted her to know that we would make the decision if that would be easier for her. Another adventure in our new normal. Hard lessons, but good ones.

Sick = Anatomy lesson . . . for Mom

My daughter was moaning and complaining in her sleep. Of course, as a caring mother, I went in and talked with her. She didn't say much, except that her throat hurt and she didn't know what was wrong, but she was quietly crying. She felt warm, so I took her temperature . . . fever. She welled up with tears at the news, but took her medicine obediently. I reminded her that each sickness makes us stronger, building up our immunity to the new bug. She giggled, smiled, and started talking about how white blood cells "gobble up the germ" and how she'd like to see that. From there, she talked about platelets (yellow was the key word for me) and on and on . . . "When I was four or five, I thought there were only red blood cells in there [arteries, etc.]" ~M Not the converstaion I was expecting at 2 AM, as she woke up sick and upset/uncomfortable. She also said, "What are sinuses again? I keep forgetting that part." I explained briefly and simply. "Is that how your ears nose and throat are connected?" was her response. I had been massaging her sinuses to help relieve some of her discomfort . . . One more example of how our new normal still feels wierd. It's cool, though :)