Playdates and playmates

What do you picture when you think of kids interacting and getting to know one another? For girls, maybe you expect to hear talk of their favorite princesses. For boys, maybe their favorite superhero. Maybe you expect to hear talk of their favorite games, sports, toys or music. With any age, it seems like we try to find something in common to talk about - a common interest. There is a local child whose mother and I have been talking. Our kids have much in common, so of course, we've been saying we need to get the kids together. Finally, it happened, and ended up being a larger family outing of sorts. The kids, having heard about each other, were naturally curious about each other, as the adults got introduced all around. Before long, it was clear that these kids DO mesh well. I didn't hear about any superhero talk, nor games, nor sports, nor movies or music. I heard them talk about dogs giving birth. My husband heard M tell the boy about her snails, and I assume she mentioned how quickly it had multiplied from one. The boy said they must be asexual. M said that yes, they are hermaphrodites. And the conversation continued as if this was a typical everyday conversation. My husband was not surprised, but had to sit back and notice another new normal. As we were heading our different ways, the boy was talking about how the moon appears larger during some parts of its orbit around the earth and why that was . . . yep, this is a kindred spirit for M. I just never imagined that a sign of a good childhood friend for my daughter would be evident in a conversation about the reproductive practices of snails . . . Anyone else have their atypical kid conversations to share?

Fishy stuff

I've been AWOL for a while, but busy accumulating more observations of our new normal. We recently took a summer vacation to an area that is full of amazing things to explore. One particular group of them is much more commonly visited than the others, so we got to address that assumption over and over. Although the parents were willing, the child was not interested :) Instead, we visited a historical site M read about in her history curriculum last school year, a couple of science destinations and some sea life destinations. It was a blast, and none of us missed the "main attraction" of the area. I never thought we'd be visiting a science museum in a different area, as the MN science museum is awesome, and . . . not many people do that. However, that was a major draw for M. The best part is that they had different local attractions, just like SMM has the Mississippi River Parks exhibit in the entry. Our membership is also part of a reciprocal membership to science and technology museums across the country, so it worked there o.O - SO cool to save on top of everything! Most people return home with stuffed animals and t-shirts and photos and sunburn. We did bring back all of those things. We also brought back an unusually high number of nonfiction books. One of them features Angry Birds, which is SOOOOO cool. I'm the biggest fan in the family. Don't be fooled; the book is full of nonfiction info and features Angry Birds characters on every page. I'm still thrilled at that find. Most moms look for jewelry - I brought my mom a piece of jewelry back, but I was more excited about my Angry Birds book . . . I mean, the book we bought for M ;) We returned to a fish tank that had an algae infestation. Apparently, in our area this happens to tanks a lot. We were the tenth family or so to ask about it at the fish store. This was very emotional for M, but she was taking in everything the clerk said, even though she didn't appear to be, and even though I was struggling to follow it. This young man was very knowledgeable, very passionate about fish and tanks, and talked at lightning speed. I have a headache just remembering it. Through the whole thing I was concerned that she wasn't listening, yet . . . Algae infestations can be caused by one spore airborn. As we live in an area of many lakes, and fish tanks have lights and warmer water than outside, this creates problems. The solution is not fun, but relatively simple. There is basicly algae poison. They asked about what we had in the tank and were reading the warnings related to one particular fish we have (a pleco, I believe). As the salesman read the fine print, he spoke even faster, and I basicly heard that our fish and plant would be fine. I said OK and grabbed the bottle. "Wait!" I was startled to hear from my 7-year-old. "Invertebrates includes my snails, right?" Uh . . . I vaguely recalled hearing some slurred syllables that sounded vaguely like that in between the whines from my daughter who is quite attached to her fish tank. She was right. The salesman didn't seem concerned, calling the type of hermaphrodite snails we have "cocroaches of the aquarium world" and shrugging. My daughter wailed . . . this guy was too young to get that you don't talk like that in front of an emotional 7-year-old, even when she seems more aware than her mother that snails are invertebrates. He never did seem to catch on to that . . . ah well. My girl is very into science and has taken many classes from scientists. She is aware that some species are becoming extinct because of humans and some are because of other animals. She also knows that there are animals that have been relocated by humans and are causing imbalances in the ecosystems where they were relocated. However, when it relates to the snails she hugs goodnight and spends hours talking to, this concept got lost inside the fact that she is seven and loves her snails. We went from one to more than a dozen quite quickly, and she has named most of them . . . and can tell them apart. Did I mention that the largest one is about the size of a very small pea?! We also have several pockets of snail eggs on the side of the tank, even after an algae treatment that is supposed to be toxic to invertebrates. I digress. In the end, these snails cannot be released into a local body of water, even though they probably originated here (as they came to us through SMM). I am adamant about not telling lies to my daughter. We seriously answer her questions about santa by telling her about St Nicholas and she helps fill stockings for St Nicholas Day. I don't want to lie to her. Those of you thinking you never want snails, please learn from our mistakes. There are snails that are born male and female. They have beautifully decorative shells and are larger than what we have. They only breed in salt water, but survive in fresh water. You can have snails without having an infestation problem, but ask questions to avoid the drama. The kind of snails we have are generally food for other fish . . . and snails. Seriously. So, we have a jar of protected "favorite snails" (including Muncher, Dotty and Speck, among otherss) in a jar next to the aquarium while we do the algae treatments. Eventually, they will be put back into the aquarium and M will choose a fish and/or snail that eat the mini snails, in hopes of balancing our ecosystem. We are hopeful that there will be some small snails in the tank on an ongoing basis, but that additional pets in the aquarium will keep the population under control. We did some light research. If we leave the algae unchecked, everything in the tank will have the oxygen used up and all of the animals will die. I don't like that one. Plus, the green water looks and smells bad! If we leave the snails unchecked in the tank, they will reproduce until the food is gone and all die at once. That would be drama. In addition, the shells would get into the filter and burn up that motor, necessitating some major expense (that our daughter is covering from her earnings). That option didn't sound much better, and I'll admit to having nightmares about the snails getting thick and pouring out of the tank, pushing open the lid from sheer numbers . . . .*shiver* . . . We could leave the snails in the tank during the algae treatment and they would probably all die. That didn't go over with M. Even if they didn't, or the eggs survived, we'd need another solution. In the end, she chose the idea of predator fish, although there was wailing about Muncher being eaten . . . There were tears at first, and we had to balance her age with her interests and intellect, which isn't easy. However, I think it will be a good lesson. We also offered to make the decisions for her, if she'd rather. She wanted to choose. I'm glad my husband brought up the emotional struggle of wondering if she had made the right decision. He wanted her to know that we would make the decision if that would be easier for her. Another adventure in our new normal. Hard lessons, but good ones.

Sick = Anatomy lesson . . . for Mom

My daughter was moaning and complaining in her sleep. Of course, as a caring mother, I went in and talked with her. She didn't say much, except that her throat hurt and she didn't know what was wrong, but she was quietly crying. She felt warm, so I took her temperature . . . fever. She welled up with tears at the news, but took her medicine obediently. I reminded her that each sickness makes us stronger, building up our immunity to the new bug. She giggled, smiled, and started talking about how white blood cells "gobble up the germ" and how she'd like to see that. From there, she talked about platelets (yellow was the key word for me) and on and on . . . "When I was four or five, I thought there were only red blood cells in there [arteries, etc.]" ~M Not the converstaion I was expecting at 2 AM, as she woke up sick and upset/uncomfortable. She also said, "What are sinuses again? I keep forgetting that part." I explained briefly and simply. "Is that how your ears nose and throat are connected?" was her response. I had been massaging her sinuses to help relieve some of her discomfort . . . One more example of how our new normal still feels wierd. It's cool, though :)

What did you call that fly?!

We ate outside tonight. There are bugs outside. Normally, bugs are a source of fascination for hours, to the point that we must stop everything to notice each moth, etc. Tonight, a fork clanged, there was pointing, and I heard, "I think a fly might have landed on that." "Probably. Flies are outside. Keep eating." ~me "But flies are cargo planes for really bad microbes." She had me there. After wondering if this was a wierd feverish dream, I recovered enough to insist she finish her dinner. I need a larger vocabulary to dispute my daughter's rationalizations not to eat.

I love oxymorons

A brilliant friend steered me to this. Check it out. http://gizmodo.com/5918045/why-smart-people-are-actually-dumb

Just a kid

Anyone else remember the TV show Doogie Hauser MD? It's about a kid who becomes a doctor . . . when he's still a kid. I don't remember seeing many of the shows, but the actor is back in a number of things, now an adult. I don't remember many situation where emotional immaturity was much of a source of conflict for him in the show, but I do remember the concept of him having a hard time relating to other kids. Here's another, probably better-known example. In Family Ties, Alex P Keaton (Michael J Fox) set his sister Jennifer up with a boy genius, who laughably gives her an x-ray of his brain as a romantic gesture. In our house, we had a different kind of a situation most recently. M was acting her age, and relating just as any girl her age would. There are times where she seems emotionally advanced for her age, in my opinion, but we had a more "normal" experience. It broke my heart. There was a family event that was frightening and sad. It involved a hospital visit, and some of the things you'd expect to go along with that. My girl sat quietly on her dad's lap and showed little interest or curiosity about x-rays, machines, etc. That sounds perfectly normal, I'd imagine. Not so very long ago, this same girl visited a friend in the hospital with more elaborate medical accessories involved. She unabashedly asked questions about the machines, was curious about everything, and once her questions were satisfied, she climbed into the hospital bed with the patient. As they were young, this was accomplished easily. That hospital visit was more serious and prolonged. However, it was not as emotionally difficult. The strongest emotion expressed was her determination to visit her friend. Determination is the precise word, I assure you. I heard that it didn't matter that her friend would have to stay in bed and not play, but that she was sick and in the hospital and that she REALLY WANTED to go see her friend. Obviously, with age comes increased awareness of the reality of health and mortality. However, her approach then was not typical, from all we heard. I was very proud of her for that - I still am. The more recent experience did not leave me disappointed with her, in any way. However, a friend recently laughed and said, "I keep forgetting how young she is." Indeed. It's such an unusual mix. I often hear that I need to give her time to "catch up emotionally" because of her advanced scholastic situation. I find this mostly confusing. What is emotional maturity, anyway? I know some children who are and some adults beyond my years who are not. The entire concept is difficult for me to wrap my head around. I'm not suggesting that kids be treated like teenagers when their intellect is comparable, of course. However, I'm constantly reminded that we have so many ways that we try to make everything the same and comparable. I still do, and I've been dealing with some pretty unusual situations pretty constantly for a while now . . . . I started this blog for several reasons, including to help myself make sense of my thoughts. This particular attempt has failed, but perhaps it's emotional hangover from the hospital incident recently. Maybe I need to learn more from others in order to put my own thoughts together and have a better understanding. Or maybe I need to catch up emotionally ;)

Pushy Mom/False Assumptions

We have been so busy lately!  It's so much good stuff, but it also has us mostly around people who are not part of the sphere that we have been comfortably incubated in for a bit.  We've enjoyed the company of some incredible people and doing some really fun activities.  However, I was reminded just how differently we see the world now than we did just a few months ago.  People who are not experiencing this firsthand have a hard time understanding it, even when they want to.  Maybe it's insecurity, but I experience people seeing me as a pushy mom pretty regularly . . . whenever we're not surrounded by families with highly gifted people, that is. . .

One of my greatest fears and aversion as we began this journey was that my daughter would feel pushed to grow up too quickly.  Closely associated with that was that she would feel that it was incumbant upon her to overachieve in every area.  This is an unrealistic goal for anyone, and for a perfectionist, it's downright painful!  As I have watched her and worked with her, I've learned that she needs more reign and less bit.  When she finished a grade level in a matter of weeks, I forced myself to celebrate with her.  Inside, and after bedtime, I was scared to death, and I cried as I realized just how different her life will be than I expected/hoped or than the "average" experience.  Sure, there are wonderful things to this, but I still grieve the loss of the dreams and hopes I had.

Next school year, she will likely finsih three grade levels.  Taken out of context and at face value, this sounds ridiculous.  Last year, I would have interpreted this to be the statement of a pushy mother.  The truth is that I would love it if she were satisfied and thriving with one grade level each year.  Another truth is that she has not been.  She is happier when she is allowed to gallop through the material, so I'm preparing to allow her some galloping room next school year.  I'm planning three grade levels worth of curriculum for homeschooling.  If we finish only one, I will not be disappointed.  I'll be thrilled that I have the upcoming work already planned, in fact.  If she finishes three grade levels worth of work by January, I will quit curriuculum again until the next school year, most likely . . . and there will be more crying . . . and probably swearing, on my part.

The beginning of last year, we struggled to find a routine and system that worked for both of us.  It took 2 moths to finish the grade level we had pulled her out of in December . . . and I had started from the beginning of the grade level. Apparently, we learned to work well together, because she finished the next grade level in 5 weeks.  It was a rare day when she spent more than an hour and a half on school work during an entire day.  This was something we did only three or four days per week.  I was hardly running her hard.  However, she finished the work in less time than I spent preparing it . . . only now can I think about that without crying, and merely sigh.

Around other children, my daughter runs around screaming and can seem almost like a toddler.  At a recent science class, she was acting more like a fifth grader . . .  I find it hard to believe that many balance this range of behavioral ages.  We also deal with teenager attitudes on a regular basis.  None of those behavioral patterns match the stereotypical behavior for her age. 

It's a part of her that I think it wonderful.  She thoroughly enjoys herself and embraces her childlike desires.  She also thinks deeply and intently, which enables her to view things in a very advanced creative way.  Sometimes, her insights astound me; her perspective is beautiful.  In our approach to her education, it would be easy to believe that we are not allowing her to be a kid.  However, she is embracing what she desire, rather than what we do - bugs, for instance.  I won't get into that, beyond the fact that someone recently predicted that she will be an entimologist, which means I should learn to spell it.  It is too late at night for me to bother with spelling at the moment, however.

We are learning to embrace the differences in her and also cater to them, as much as possible.  For instance, her grandparents are now forbidden to send bugs home, in a jar or otherwise.  However, we recently procured a hamster cage and will be letting her get and care for a hamster.  More animals are not on the parents' wish list in this house, but M is obsessed with them.  We will own a hamster.  She decided to get rid of virtually all of her toys.  This was scary and is still wierd, in my opinion.  However, she doesn't play with them, and would rather sell them in a garage sale and have the money for her fish tank and other fun projects, like a hamster.  We will allow her to sell or give away most or all of her toys.  Maybe she's better at living the simple life than we are. . . .

I wish you all simple pleasures.  Today, some of mine were time with incredible and hard-working women who I thoroughly appreciate.  Some others were finding clothes in our garage sale preparations for both my daughter and myself.  We are looking forward to the learning experienc of a garage sale, which is also something that our daughter requested.  I'm looking forward to it, even though I have been working very hard.  She has done well, also.  Good night.